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Saturday, January 17, 2015

They Finally Found Love But Are Denied Their Rights

The couple featured in the interview below are a good-looking couple living in the US. Although if you met them you might notice there is an age difference between them, you'd never think, if you passed them on the street, that they would not only be denied the right to marry, but that their relationship would still be illegal in most states. They were generous enough with her time and privacy to be interviewed.

*****

FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe your background.

Anonymous Woman:  I am a forty-four year old adult adoptee and mother of two in a loving relationship with my seventy year old genetic father. My childhood was anything but happy. I had a cruel, abusive adoptive father. I got married very young and the marriage only lasted a couple of years. I married my second husband a year after the divorce. I’ve been separated from him for ten years.

I now live with my two kids, my genetic father/partner, and my ex.

Anonymous Man: I worked as a restaurant manager. I've been divorced for 35 years.


FME: Describe how you met or were reunited.

Woman: I found my father with one internet search. For years I only had three clues about my father: his first name, his best friend's from childhood's name, and where he was living around the time I was born. I was able to track down his best friend who told me my father's last name. It was an unusual last name which made him very easy to find.

My father never knew about me. He dated my mother briefly in but they parted ways before I was born. He never even knew she was pregnant with me.




FME: What kind of life had you had until that time?

Woman: My adult life up until that time was comfortably middle-class. I had a beautiful home, two adorable children, and a great job working as a hairstylist in a busy salon.

When my father and I reunited I had been unhappily married for 14 years. My husband was a devout Christian who refused to be intimate with me except to have children. We were more like brother and sister than husband and wife. At one point my husband told me that he wanted me to find someone new, but at the time I too was a devout Christian so "adultery" was out of the question. So was divorce. I felt trapped and lonely.

Man: I lived alone for 35 years. I too was lonely. I missed having somebody to love and somebody to love me.


FME: What was that “first” meeting like?

Woman: I met my father in person four months after I first made contact with him. We met at his favorite restaurant with my husband and kids in tow. The first thing I noticed about him was was how ruggedly handsome he was. He even smelled wonderful. He was, and still is, the man of my dreams.

Man: I thought she was beautiful.


FME: What kind of feelings were you experiencing?

Woman: I was giddy with excitement. It was love at first sight. Everything about him turned me on.

Man: I was happier than I'd ever been before.


FME: How did the relationship progress, and what did your husband know, if anything, and what was his reaction?

Man: It just happened.

Woman: We had our "official" first date three days after I arrived in the town where he lived with my husband and kids in tow. My father stopped by my hotel late on the third evening and asked my husband if he could take me somewhere. I couldn't believe my father was asking my husband for permission to take me out! Of course we never made it there. Instead we ended up going to his place. It was there that we kissed for the first time.

A month later he packed up his stuff and moved to be closer to me and my family. I spent every weekend at his place, I even took a job near his home so I would have an excuse to spend more time with him. From the very beginning my husband knew about my affair with my father. His reaction was typical of someone who is unfamiliar with Genetic Sexual Attraction: He thought it was "sick" and "weird".


FME: How did sexual affection become a part of your relationship?

Woman: We both felt a strong sexual attraction to one another from the very beginning of our relationship. We’d talked on the phone every day for four months before we met in person, and we discussed our feelings for one another and what might happen if we were ever alone together.


FME: Was it a gradual development or was there a sudden event?

Woman: It was a sudden event. We were both blindsided by the intense sexual attraction we felt for one another. At first we thought there was something wrong with us. It would have been much easier if we has known about Genetic Sexual Attraction before we reunited.

Man: I felt guilty at first because I thought we were doing something wrong. She seemed fine with it. I felt like a dirty old man.


FME: Did these feelings confuse you?

Man: Yes, very much.

Woman: Yes, we were both confused. We didn't know what to make of it. He took it much harder than I did.


FME: Was this something you had ever thought possible before?

Woman: I had fantasized about meeting my birth father for as long as I could remember, but I never imagined that I would fall head over heels in love with him. 

Man: I never imagined anything like this. 


FME: Many people brought together through GSA say it is the best relationship and best sex they’ve ever experienced. Have you found that to be true for you?

Woman: Definitely true.

Man: Yes it is.


FME: Describe your relationship now. How long have you been together?

Man: It’s terrific. We live like a married couple. 

Woman: We’ve been together ten years. We've had our ups and downs like any other couple, but our love for one another is very strong.


FME:  Do you see each other more as a father/daughter, as lovers, or are those two roles inseparable at this point?

Man: The roles are inseparable. She is the love of my life.

Woman: I see him as a lover. I have never seen him as a father. He is the love of my life.



FME: Does anyone in your life know the full, true nature of your relationship and how did they find out?

Woman: The only people who know the true nature of our relationship are my kids, my ex and a few people I have connected with online. Everyone accepts our relationship, especially my daughter.


FME: Are you able to act like a couple in public.?

Woman: We usually act like a couple when we are in public, but whenever we are around my father's friends we are strictly father and daughter, though I'm sure some of them have figured it out by now.


FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your relationship, or disapprove of anyone having this kind of relationship?

Woman: It doesn't bother me if they disapprove. How I live my life is none of their business.

Man: I don't care what they think.  


FME: What's your reply to those who would say that if a genetic father and daughter have this kind of relationship, it is only because the daughter is being victimized by the father (and that the daughter can’t really consent)?

Man: I would tell them it's a bunch of bulls---.

Woman: I'd tell them that it's bulls---. They are comparing Genetic Sexual Attraction between two consenting adults to child molestation. I was not a child when I became involved with my father. I was thirty-four years old., plenty old enough to consent to a sexual relationship with whomever I choose.


FME: There are some who have experienced GSA who discourage others from having any sexual involvement. Do you have anything to say about that?

Man: I would say they don't know what they are talking about.

Woman: Those who discourage others from having any sexual involvement probably had a painful experience with GSA. I would encourage anyone experiencing GSA to make their own decisions and not allow those who a had a negative experience to discourage them from becoming intimately involved.


FME: Aside from the law, can you think of anything that would make a GSA-based sexual relationship inherently wrong?

Man: No.

Woman: No I cannot. People who are related by blood who later meet as adults are strangers in every sense of the word. If both people involved are consenting adults, they should have the same rights to enjoy a sexual relationship as everyone else.


FME: If you could get legally married, and that included protections against discrimination, harassment, etc., would you?

Man: Yes.

Woman: Yes, absolutely.


FME: What advice do you have for someone who may be experiencing GSA?

Man: I would tell them that there's nothing wrong with it.

Woman: Don't ever let anyone tell you that what you are feeling is wrong, or that you are not normal. GSA is a normal response to an abnormal situation. Don't be afraid of it. Embrace it.


FME: What advice do you have for family members and friends who think or know that someone is experiencing GSA?

Man: Don't judge them.



*****


Dear readers, don’t you agree with me that it is extremely unfair to deny consenting adults like these the right to marry? Isn’t it ridiculous that in many places, they still can’t be open about their relationship? They've been together for ten years, and everyone is happier and better off as a result.

Thanks again to both of them for sharing.

You can read other interviews like this here.

If you are in, or have been in, a “forbidden” consensual relationship, and want to be interviewed, please contact me at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com.

UPDATE October 2013: Sadly, the man in this interview has passed away at the age of 70 due to a terminal illness. As reported by the woman...
He died at home... I was with him until the very end. I am still in complete shock. He was, and still is, the love of my life.
Shame on all of those who have opposed their freedom to love each other. He couldn't have had a better companion for these last years of life. Although they'll never have their legal wedding, there are so many others like them that are waiting, and will, when the time comes.
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5 comments:

  1. An official marriage might be an option for them if her birth certificate does not list him as her father.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have to question the authenticity of this interview. (I'm not saying it's you Keith who made it up) But a DEVOUT CHRISTIAN , who didn't want to have sex with his own wife unless it was to have a child.Makes It incredibly hard to believe he'd accept an incestous affair from his wife.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm thinking it is possible the ex husband has other issues. But as far as the F/D couple... I have varying levels of certainty about whether my interviewees are telling me the truth. This is one of the interviews where I've seen how they are around each other and I have a high level of certainty they are telling me the truth about both their genetic relation and their physical relationship. I don't want to get into detail for the sake of their privacy.

      Delete
    2. "Anonymous", I can understand why some people might doubt the veracity of my story, but it is true that my ex-husband not only accepted my relationship with my genetic father while we were still married, he openly encouraged it. Keith is correct in assuming that my ex-husband had/has other issues. All the signs pointed to him being gay and in denial. It is not unheard of for a gay man to marry a straight woman, especially when the man is a devout Christian who believes homosexuality is a sin. Not surprisingly, my ex has not dated another woman in the ten years since our marriage ended.

      Delete
  3. Oh, alright then.

    ReplyDelete

To prevent spam, comments will have to be approved, so your comment may not appear for several hours. Feedback is welcome, including disagreement. I only delete/reject/mark as spam: spam, vulgar or hateful attacks, repeated spouting of bigotry from the same person that does not add to the discussion, and the like. I will not reject comments based on disagreement, but if you don't think consenting adults should be free to love each other, then I do not consent to have you repeatedly spout hate on my blog without adding anything to the discourse.

If you want to write to me privately, then either contact me on Facebook, email me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com, or tell me in your comment that you do NOT want it published. Otherwise, anything you write here is fair game to be used in a subsequent entry. If you want to be anonymous, that is fine.

IT IS OK TO TALK ABOUT SEX IN YOUR COMMENTS, BUT PLEASE CHOOSE YOUR WORDS CAREFULLY AS I WANT THIS BLOG TO BE AS "SAFE FOR WORK" AS POSSIBLE. If your comment includes graphic descriptions of activity involving minors, it's not going to get published.