Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Yahoo Answers Compares Poly and Faux Monogamy

The question asked

Wouldn't honest polyamory/polygamy be better than constant, hidden cheating that involves lies?

I live in the United States. All over the world there are many people who cheat on their partners. I don't think monogamy truly works for most people. I think people go along with monogamy and then secretly cheat because very few people can truly have sex with only one person their whole lives.

I think the truly monogamous are a minority. Whether one includes “serial monogamists” in the “monogamy” category or “the rest,” consider that “the rest” includes unattached people who have having sex with more than one person one-on-one, or in threesomes or group sex; attached or married supposedly monogamous people who are cheating physically or emotionally, unmarried couples who have threesomes or swap, or swing; married couples who have threesomes or swap or swing; married people who have “don’t ask, don’t tell” side affairs or are on the down-low or have open marriages; unmarried people with polyamorous situations, and married polyamorists (including polygynists, polyandrists, and group polygamists).

See this map of nonmonogamy.

There is no one-size-fits-all, which is a good reason to support full marriage equality. Let people truly have the freedom to decide for themselves.

Doesn't it make more sense to stop the lies and the hiding and just be polyamorous, than to keep lying and hiding in monogamy and cheat?

It is my belief that the real wrong and problems is not the sex, but instead, the lies, deceit, the hiding, the pretending, and the games.

I agree.

What do all of you think is truly the solution to eliminating most of the cheating and the lies all over the world?

I don’t believe full marriage equality would eliminate cheating. I do think it would reduce it. The legal and social freedom to be true to oneself would reduce the number of people in the closet or in denial.

Jace Gordon…

I am a gay guy in a three-way relationship. (Most gay men don't agree with me doing this.)

My partners love each other, and I share love with both of them. Our relationship is remarkably stable because we trust each other.

Sounds good.
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