Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Someone Not Poly Tries to Understand Poly

This blogger doesn’t get polyamory, but writes about the topic thoughtfully, instead of claiming to know that poly people and poly relationships are defective.

The truth is without any experience of my own, I don't know whether poly is more of a choice or more of a way you are. I think it would be insulting if I tried to make a judgement on that, because I really have no idea. I will say that some people seem to be more suited for poly than others. I would imagine to have a good poly you must have really good communication skills, a great ability to manage jealousy and a strong sense of self-confidence.

Of course, those things are probably required for a good monogamous relationship, but somehow I imagine having more than two people somewhat cranks it up a notch.

There was a comment left by Polyamory Paradigm

Personally, I have a hard time thinking of Polyamory as a sexual orientation. Mainly because I know hetro, bi, and gay people who are poly which indicates it can't be a sexual orientation.

A better question in my mind is whether Polyamory is a general orientation or a lifestyle. But again, you can be in the D/s lifestyle and be hetro, bi, gay and still be Poly.

As someone who has been Poly my whole life I have a hard time living monogamously. I simply can't find it in myself to restrict my feelings when I strongly connect with someone. (I'm not talking strictly about sex either). For me, the freedom to love at will is inherent in my being. For others I know, Polyamory has been a conscious choice. I think either way, and even monogamy, is just fine if that's what makes you happy.

You don't have to like the relationships other adults have. You don't have to understand them, though if you want to try there are plenty of us who will be happy to explain things. But even if you don't like or don't understand, please support the rights of others to love, sex, and marriage.
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