A Woman Denied Her Right to Marry the Father of Her Children

We have another exclusive interview to bring you. As this interview is being published, there are many people still spending more time home with family members. Perhaps some of them will find this interview an inspiration? Or they can see this for some possibilities.

People in consanguinamorous relationships are everywhere, though consanguinamorists tend to be closeted. Fortunately, some are willing to be interviewed for this blog. As a result, Full Marriage Equality has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law. Most can’t even be out if the closet or they’ll gave prosecution under absurd incest laws, which, instead of focusing on abuse, also target consensual relationships.

The woman interviewed below should be free to legally marry her husband and father of her children, or simply to be together as a couple without having to hide, yet they can’t. Prejudice can be deadly. They are consenting adults who aren’t hurting anyone; why should they have been denied their rights? In much of the world, they could be criminally prosecuted for their love, and might be persecuted severely in addition.

Read the interview below and see for yourself what this woman has to say about the love she shares with her spouse. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic and romantic, but whatever your reaction, should lovers like these be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights simply because they love each other this way?

Also please note that someone you love, respect, and admire could be in a similar relationship right now. Should they be attacked and denied rights because of the "incest" label?

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FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourselves.

Malory: My name is Malory and I am 27, my brother Jimmy is 26. We live in New Jersey, which, for the moment, has no laws prohibiting consensual incest. I am a educator and he is a construction worker. 

FME: Are you married or have you ever been legally and/or ceremonially married?

We are not legally married but there was a ceremony. Our parents and brother were there and our sister in spirit. Also there were two friends I had growing up that knew of our relationship. They attended but didn’t bring anyone. Our brother was the best man. One friend officiated and the other was my matron of honor. It was beautiful and took place in our favorite spot at the beach.


FME: How would you describe your gender(s)? How would you describe your sexual orientation and your relationship orientation?

I’ve been with one woman in my life and it was a wonderful experience. But I am in love with my brother and all he gives me. A friend and I decided to call me “Diet Bi.” Other than that one time, I’ve always been a straight cisgendered woman. My brother is a straight cisgendered male. We are monogamists.

FME: You currently live with...?

We currently live in our own house with our two children.

FME: You are in a sexual/romantic relationship with your biological, full-blood sibling?

We are full-blooded siblings.

FME: What was your childhood like? What was family life like? Were alternative lifestyles/sex discussed in your family, and if so, how? Can you describe your sexual awakening?

We had a normal childhood. Usual sibling rivalries and fights. We went on vacations and played board games and went to a very good school. We didn’t discuss any sort of alternative lifestyle. My sexual awakening came when my brother found pictures on our parent’s computer. They were of our parents having sex. Until then all I knew was what I learned from mom and dad and school.

FME: How did sexual affection become a part of your relationship? When did you notice an attraction?

My brother and I became curious and I felt it was wrong to look but I couldn’t help myself. Then he showed me how it affected him and we started to explore our bodies together. I don’t think it was attraction at first. More like curiosity.

FME: Can you describe your feelings during that process?

I was confused, horny, guilty, and ashamed. Got to love a good Catholic upbringing. We kept pushing the envelope and explored more and more. I think one of us wanted to tell the other to stop but neither did.

FME: Before this had you ever thought this would be possible or enjoyable; did you have any opinion one way or the other about close relatives or family members being together?

No, absolutely not.

FME: How do you describe the sex now? 

I have never been with another man so I really can't compare it to anyone else. But it is intense, full of love and makes me feel complete, like we were made for one another.

FME: Describe your relationship now. Is this a marriage, a union, girlfriend/boyfriend, what? Are you more like spouses or family-with-benefits or something else? How long have you been together? Do you see each other as siblings or lovers, or are those two roles inseparable at this point?

We have been together since forever. We used to see each other as siblings, then lovers/siblings and now just lovers. We are in love.

FME: Does anyone in your life know the full, true nature of your relationship and how did they find out? How have they reacted? What kind of steps, if any, have you had to take to keep your privacy?

Our parents and brother know. It wasn’t easy. They caught us together when it first began. It was a very strict talk. Then they caught us again a few years later and it was worse. Then I got pregnant the first time and our house became a warzone. Lots of fighting and my brother was kicked out of the house. Our mother called him a rapist. That was then. Our story has a happy ending because after our daughter was born, our parents absolutely fell in love with her, and all negativity washed away. We forgave each other and now life is nothing like it was a decade ago.

FME: Having to hide the full nature of your relationship from some people can be a disadvantage. Can you describe how that has been? Are there any other disadvantages? Conversely, do you think consanguineous relationships have some advantages and some things better than unrelated lovers? Especially between siblings?

Well we are older now, mid-twenties and we have good jobs and we live on our own. Our neighbors think we are just a normal couple. Extended family believes we are just living together as a convenience. We don’t have much extended family but the story goes that I’ve made some bad choices and got myself pregnant and now my brother lives with me that way my children have some sort of father figure. They are way older and we know they wouldn’t understand so at weddings and family gathering we have to resort back to the brother and sister roles. I wouldn’t be able to answer the second half of the question because I’ve never made love to another man other than my brother. There was a sexual encounter with another woman once but I’ve never been with another man.

FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your relationship, or disapprove of anyone having this kind of relationship? What's your reply to those who would say that this is one of you preying on the other?

You can’t understand what it’s like for us, so please don’t. Just leave us alone and let us live. You can support a cause without you being affected directly. Not to get political, but it fits the point; we aren't black but we support Black Lives Matter. So if you can support people who are in love who also happen to be in a consensual incest relationship, then thank you. I believe we need all the support we can get if we were to ever change the laws against incest in the world. But if you can't support us, if you feel that it is immoral, or against society's norms, then all I ask is that you leave us alone and mind your business. It literally costs you no money to just ignore a happy couple who shares a bloodline. How petty and angry can one person be to want to keep apart people who made a choice to share their life, body and emotions with another just because they are related? If you can support us, I love you, but if you can't then leave us alone. Sometimes that response works and if it doesn’t, then, well “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” -Dr. Seuss.

FME: How many children do you have, and how are they? What do you have to say to people who say you shouldn’t be allowed to have children?

We have a girl and a boy. Both are healthy. Our doctor knew who the father was during my pregnancy and thankfully she didn’t push us away and she was the most helpful doctor in the world. As far as those who feel we shouldn’t have children I say this: life is random. There have been many people born who are special needs or are on the spectrum who weren’t born to a consanguinamorous couple.

FME: Do the children know you are siblings? If not, do you plan to tell them? How have, or will you explain such information needs to be kept private from some people?

They are too young to understand right now, so no, they do not know. We plan on telling them someday but at this time we haven’t discussed the way in which we are going to tell them.

FME: Would you oppose, support, or remain neutral if your children wanted to be together?

It would be hypocritical for me to stop them or not want them to be together, I understand that. Personally I wouldn’t want that for them because what my brother and I have isn’t something that was forced on us. We made the choice. If it is their choice then I will respect it but I don’t want them being together because their parents are together. I don’t want them to be together for the sake of incest. I’d want them to be together if they truly loved each other.

FME: If you could get legally married, and that included protections against discrimination, harassment, etc., would you?

Absolutely.

FME: What advice do you have for someone who may be experiencing these feelings for a relative or family member, especially a sibling?

Communication is the most important thing in any relationship. Without it, you could ruin that relationship. Be honest and open and respectful if it doesn’t go your way or your feelings aren’t reciprocated.

FME: What advice do you have for family members and friends who think or know that relatives they know are having these feelings for each other?

Support them. You don’t get to choose your family. Love and honor them. They are going through enough with dealing with the dichotomy of a familial relationship and an incestuous relationship. If you truly can’t support them then the least you can do is to leave them alone and don’t start crap. It isn’t about you. It’s about them.

FME: Do you consider yourself consanguinamorous in orientation, or could you be fulfilled in a relationship with someone who isn’t a close relative?

All I’ve ever known is being consanguinamorous in orientation. But I’m sure I could have a relationship with someone else. If life was different then I don’t see what could stop me from feeling fulfilled from a non-consanguinamorous relationship. But I don’t have to worry about that. My life is what we made it to be.

FME: Any plans for the future?

We want one more baby but after the world kind of starts to get past COVID-19. I don’t want to go to the hospital in the middle of a pandemic.

FME: Anything else to add?

Support the consanguinamorous couples! They aren’t asking you to have sex with one of your family members! We are just asking to be equal in the eyes of the law!

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Clearly, these lovers were consenting adults who weren't hurting anyone, and yet they wouldn't even be able to exercise their basic human right to marry as things are now. They love each other and are happy, yet they are denied fundamental rights. They can't even be open about their love without risking harassment or much worse.

Why should they be denied their rights? There’s no good reason. We need to recognize that all adults should be free to be with any and all consenting adults as they mutually consent, and part of doing that is adopting relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality sooner rather than later. People are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

You can read other interviews I have done here. As you'll see, there are people from all walks of life, around the world, who are in consanguinamorous relationships.

If you are in a relationship like this and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.

If you want to be interviewed about your "forbidden" relationship, or that of someone you know, connect with me by checking under the "Get Connected" tab there at the top of the page or emailing me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com or see here.

If you know someone who is in a relationship like this, please read this.

Thank you, Malory, for doing this interview about your consanguinamorous relationship! We wish you well in your relationship with your brother, in being a mother, and your plans for another child.