Settling Down

A person unfamiliar with polyamory might think it is a “gateway” to swinging. Polymory, especially polyfidelity, is its own thing. In this example, if there was a gateway, it was swinging leading to polyamory. The writer is a male in his late 40s.

My wife and I had been slightly active swingers for a couple of years before the meeting the people we have become deeply involved with. Initially it just started out as another couple to swing with, but the more we saw of each other the greater the attraction became between all parties not always running smoothly admittedly but the relationship just became deeper and deeper. Even to the point where after a recent disaster they spent some time living with us where we all got on great, this then progressed to the point where they moved into a house within walking distance and we would see each other daily and share child care responsibilities. Then recently due to circumstances they have had to move to another city, we are now going to try and form an arrangement where we are all able to live together in the one place and fully commit to a poly lifestyle together.

There are some monogamists who express disgust at this, even though some of those very same monogamists did something very similar to find their spouse; they had a series of sexual relationships until they found someone with whom they clicked to the point of wanting to form a lasting relationship. There are "monogamists" who have had more sexual partners than some polyamorous people or swingers, to be sure. People should have the freedom to do things either of those ways, or still another way. What works for one person doesn’t always work for another. As I've said before, if someone want to be truly monogamous and wait for marriage or marriage-pending to have sex, and they want lifetime monogamy, I wish them a happy marriage and life. Thanfully, there are more and more monogamists who, in turn, wish polyamorists a happy marriage and life.