Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Going Casual

While I argue for freedom for consenting adults when it comes to law, discrimination, and bullying, including the freedom to casual sex, I don’t personally endorse nor discourage casual sex. I strongly endorse communication, NOT violating existing vows, and taking precautions. Looks like Erica Chase thinks along these lines, too. She wrote about considerations to make when it comes to casual sex, including that different people mean different things by “casual,” which is one reason why communication is important.

Some people think of casual as “we are sleeping together and I can sleep with other people,” while others are more of the variety “if we want to sleep with other people, we split with no hard feelings.” Still, fewer think that casual means “I have a significant other, but we are in an open relationship, and we’re casual so you don’t really need to know about them.”

Talk it over…

If you want to enter into a casual relationship with a clear conscience, make sure you are up front with the other person if you are sleeping or intend to sleep with someone else. This allows the other person to give informed consent.

Protect the friendships you value…

Jumping into bed with your friend may seem like a great idea when it’s late and you’re lonely, but taking a few minutes for conversation can save a lot of heart ache.

While you may think that everything is casual, your friend may be looking for more. That’s a recipe for disaster.

Being honest with yourself about what you are looking for from your friend is important as well. Lying to yourself about what you want, or sleeping with a friend in the hopes that sex will make them change their mind about you is both manipulative and likely ineffective.

She writes much more, and if casual sex is something you are considering (or already doing), it is worth a read.

There’s a stereotype that men enjoy casual sex and women don’t. This is a very broad generalization. Men in general may find it easier to enjoy casual sex without negative emotions, but some men find they need exclusive, committed, serious relationships to enjoy sex, and some women thoroughly enjoy casual sex at one time or another in their life. Some people try to make women feel guilty, usually while leaving men alone when it comes to the issue. That’s part of the tendency of some people to play sex police and try to manipulate others. If someone, regardless of gender, finds that casual sex is not for them, he or she should be supported by true friends in making corresponding decisions. (For example, do not let them run off with a stranger after they've both gotten a little drunk.) But if someone finds it is something they enjoy and it meets their current needs, they should not stick around for finger-wagging by anybody.
— — —

No comments:

Post a Comment

To prevent spam, comments will have to be approved, so your comment may not appear for several hours. Feedback is welcome, including disagreement. I only delete/reject/mark as spam: spam, vulgar or hateful attacks, repeated spouting of bigotry from the same person that does not add to the discussion, and the like. I will not reject comments based on disagreement, but if you don't think consenting adults should be free to love each other, then I do not consent to have you repeatedly spout hate on my blog without adding anything to the discourse.

If you want to write to me privately, then either contact me on Facebook, email me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com, or tell me in your comment that you do NOT want it published. Otherwise, anything you write here is fair game to be used in a subsequent entry. If you want to be anonymous, that is fine.

IT IS OK TO TALK ABOUT SEX IN YOUR COMMENTS, BUT PLEASE CHOOSE YOUR WORDS CAREFULLY AS I WANT THIS BLOG TO BE AS "SAFE FOR WORK" AS POSSIBLE. If your comment includes graphic descriptions of activity involving minors, it's not going to get published.