Monday, August 8, 2011

Clarissa is An Ally

Clarissa, who explains that she is very much monogamous if she is in a relationship at all, responds to a reader’s question asking for her opinion on polyamory

I could never be in a polyamorous relationship, just like I could never be in a lesbian relationship. I do, however, firmly believe in everybody’s right to find sexual happiness and fulfillment the way they want. For me, polyamory is neither better nor worse than monogamy. It’s a way of being that other people prefer and that makes them happy. And I celebrate that.

Thank you, Clarissa! If only more monogamists took this approach.

Anonymous spewed…

So Bola, do you know happy polyamorists? I do not: from what I’ve observed the scene resembles the Jerry Springer show, although people are more controlled and know they are supposed to be cool and content.

Such a shame if Anonymous really hasn’t encountered happy poly people. Actually, he or she probably has and just doesn’t know it. Generally, people do no announce they are poly (or monogamous, for that matter) when they are going about their daily lives. You may see two people sharing a romantic meal in a restaurant and have no idea that they are actually part of a triad or quad, or that they are each other’s primary, but they each have secondaries.

David Bellamy…

I know many happy polyamorists. I think that many who are poly do not advertise the fact, so it is possible that you may know some also.

Like I said.


How do you define it?

Relationships involving more than two people with the informed consent of all involved.

How do you distinguish from the old “group marriage” and from plain old non monogamy, and also from polygamy?

Nonmonogamy encompasses polyamory and many other things. Cheating is nonmonogamy, but polyamory is not cheating. Polygamy is a polyamorous marriage, at least in my definition. Group marriage is a form of polygamy that I would distinguish from polygyny or polyandry.
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