Search of the Day

Someone came to this blog via this search…

How do I get my mom to want incest?

One of the most frequently asked questions about consaguinamory (consensual incest) is how the asker can initiate such activity. As usual, this answer is about consensual sex, not abuse, child molestation,etc. Please note that this is assuming all people involved are independent legal adults and in places where such activities are not illegal.

There is no one-size-fits-all answer, because people are different and relationships are all different. As such, only very generalized information can be provided unless an asker talks one-on-one with someone who might be able to help.

The Bad News

It may not be possible. The matter can be as simple as… they’re not attracted to you and nothing will change that, or they simply are not interested or willing to have sex with you and nothing will change that. And that needs to be respected, because a person’s feelings and boundaries are their own and sex or lovemaking can only be something that is by mutual consent. Coercion, force, etc. means it isn’t sex or lovemaking; it is assault and abuse.

It is even more complicated when it comes to family members or relatives, because of what has been described as the Westermarck effect and societal prejudices. Because of those things, a person may have a history of demonstrating a strong attraction to people very much like the asker, and yet may not have an attraction to the asker or may have an attraction but may not be willing to consider the asker as a sexual partner. Whether it is an internal, biological mechanism or a result of socialization, many people are turned off to this. In the case of a parent or other older relative, it could be just of a matter of them seeing the asker as their little boy or little girl (even though they are grown) that overrides all else.

The Good News

Some people do it. Not everyone experiences the Westermarck effect. In the cases of genetic relatives raised separately, there is often a very strong attraction, but even when there was no separation in their lives, some close relatives have active attractions (think about it… if the asker has such an attraction, obviously some do) and sometimes those attractions are reciprocated. Even if not actively experienced, they can be awakened.

So, it does happen. Consanguineous lovemaking, sex, or experimentation is common enough that everyone knows someone who is, or has been, involved, and this has been a reality for all of human existence.

So, What To Do?

1. First and foremost, the asker should consider if they really want to try this. This is what I’ve written about that. Some of what is below rehashes some of what I wrote there.

2. The next important question is, do they know what is it they want? Is the asker looking for a fling, a family-member-with-benefits situation, a life partner… what?

3. Is the person available? Even if they are not in a closed relationship, they may not be available for a sexual relationship, for whatever reason. Determining this might be part of the overall tactical approach.

4. Send signals. Signals are more effective when the other person is looking for them, meaning they already have a mutual interest in making the relationship sexual. There are two general categories of signals one should send:

   a) "I'm a sexual being." This will be necessary if the other person is not already thinking about it, because they are thinking of the asker strictly as a son, or brother, or sister, etc.

   b) "I want you." Compliments, for example. Not crude or rude, but maybe a little more on the romantic or sexual side. The asker should let the other person know that the asker has respect and admiration for what they have to offer as a partner and their sexuality.

For either of those, flirting, playful teasing, jokes, and general double entrendres can send signals while also allowing plausible deniability so as to minimize the risk of embarrassment or awkwardness. The same goes for bringing up a news story or a book/movie/television show/song where consensual incest is an element, even if it has to be made up. For example, saying "I was reading that [insert the name of country] was considering legalizing consensual incest, and I thought it was kind of strange it was outlawed to begin with. Did you know that?"

Another signal is increasing the physicality of the relationship. For example, if you typically hug each other, then that would be keeping the embrace longer.

The specifics ultimately depend on the people involved, and their personalities and history together. In some cases, a vacation away together with plenty of wining, dining, dancing, etc. will move things along. For others, it would be a quiet evening together at home. For some, a dare would not be unusual. For others, a massage. Consider appealing to your love one's intellect (be prepared to answer concerns), heart, and libido.

5. Here’s what NOT to do in this asker’s specific case (trying to woo his mother), despite what may be depicted in erotic stories or videos…

• As I said above, do not force yourself on anyone.
• Do not violate her privacy (like spying on her when she is expecting privacy) or take her things (such as her underwear)
• Do not expect that by suddenly waving an erection around (assuming you have a penis) or “getting caught” masturbating that mom will turn into your unbridled, passionate sex kitten.

Those things will usually only work in fiction. In case you haven’t noticed, fiction, especially involving fantasy, often departs from what happens in reality.

6. Consider the future.