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Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Suppression Brings Ongoing Pain

The person who started this thread has apparently been experiencing Genetic Sexual Attraction for many years after meeting her biological family. She and her siblings were adults when they met.

At the time of reunion, I fell in love with one of my brothers (for simplicity's sake, I'll call him B1). There was an immediate emotional connection, and I felt like he was the love of my life. We began a relationship. I also felt at the time that there was a mutual sexual attraction with my other brother (B2) but this was slight on my part and was nothing like I felt for B1.

Since they are apparently not polyamorists, a problem came about...

B2 became suspicious of the extent of my relationship with B1 one night, and was very angry and distressed, and I quickly realized he was jealous. I was petrified he would tell other family members, who I was also meeting for the first time, and I felt very guilty that I'd hurt him and very ashamed of what had happened. I panicked. The only way I thought I could fix things in a very stressful moment of confrontation was to physically respond to his feelings.

Would she have been in that position if consanguinamory wasn’t unduly criminalized and stigmatized? I don’t think so.

B1 and I continued our relationship from afar for some time, writing letters and talking on the phone. We talked about running off overseas with my kids and setting up a life together. However, I became very scared it would all come out and I would lose custody of my children to my ex-husband if it did.

Again, if adults were free to pursue love, sex, residence, and marriage with any consenting adults, they could have been together without those problems. Instead, they settled or marrying other people in a monogamous context. Would you want to pledge monogamy and devotion to someone who secretly would rather be with someone else - someone who also wants your partner? That isn't fair to anyone involved.

I am remarried to a wonderful man who I know without a doubt would end our relationship if he ever found out what had happened. I live in constant fear my now adult children will learn about it and not understand and hate me. They adore my brother. Whenever I think about them or my husband finding out, I know I literally couldn't live with it. I love so many aspects of my life now, and I am scared of it falling apart. I live in constant dread and shame, and it eats me up having this overwhelming secret, and a fear it will come out.

The constant confusion is killing me. I know there are a myriad of issues here. I have intense feelings for B1 and I'm not convinced these won't be acted on again, although I don't want to betray my husband. At the same time, I also profoundly mourn the fact I never got to have a normal sibling relationship with him a lot, and I wish I could go back in time and undo all of this and have that relationship. I also love my husband, and I don't get how my feelings for B1 are still also possible.

The issues raised by Genetic Sexual Attraction can be painful, but they are made much worse by legal and social condemnation and interference. You can read [Anonymous Daughter]'s account of finally being with the love of her life after many years of painful, destructive suppression.
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