Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Happy New Year!

Did you celebrate the New Year with some casual sex? I generally don't encourage nor discourage casual sex on this blog.

However, as part of my overall support of relationship and sexual rights for consenting adults, I do not think someone should be prosecuted, discriminated against, or bullied for having casual sex.

Personally, I find sex is better with someone I love or at least care about. Notice I said better. Casual sex is usually enjoyable. As always, my advice to anyone who wants it would be to stick to safe sex principles and do not lead someone on by promising them something more than you can offer (as in, if you’re just looking for a good time for a night, don’t tell the person they are the love of your life.)

Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Stanley Siegel, wrote “In Defense of Casual Sex” at

The article starts off referencing the movie “Shame.”

But "Shame" draws an inaccurate comparison between casual sex--an experience typically outside the context of a romantic relationship--and reckless sex. Under the right circumstances, casual sex can be deeply meaningful and more intimate than the sex in a long-term relationship. Those of us who have casual sex know that it’s not devoid of emotion, nor does it lead to the unhappiness Brandon suffers.

I don’t think everyone is generally suited to long-term, committed relationship in which they merge emotionally with another person on a complete and deep level. If people who aren’t deny that about themselves (or fail to discover it,) they can end up hurting many people by vowing fidelity when they won’t deliver it, or by building a life with someone who needs someone to provide something else, perhaps emotional, that the person can’t. Should such people never have sex? Should that be an aim of public policy? I don’t think so. It is better for such people to have casual sex.

The truth is, long-term relationships or marriage do not guarantee a satisfying emotional life or sexual intimacy. Everyone knows someone stuck in a barren marriage, whose members have lost their autonomy and in which sex has disappeared.

We all do, whether we know it or not.

Among the positives about casual sex…

There are times when casual sex actually deepens one's self-knowledge. With intelligence and clarity of purpose, casual sex is more than instant gratification. By openly exploring our fantasies and true desires with different partners in a way that may not possible in a committed relationship, we can transcend our inhibitions. With each new encounter we can discover buried parts of ourselves and in time experience the totality of who we are. We can even experience profound, revelatory moments that unravel our past and show us things we never knew about ourselves. We can satisfy unmet needs by embracing those aspects of our sexuality that are deeply meaningful and we can choose to let go of those that no longer have importance.

Click through to read the whole thing. I found it thought-provoking.
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