Monday, October 17, 2011

Time to Leave the Nest and Make Their Own

In discussion forums such as Yahoo Answers, Answerbag, and GirlsAskGuys, there are often questions posed about issues related to full marriage equality. In this instance, someone with the name Jenna who is in Australia wrote on Yahoo Answers

Our parents caught us: What should we do?

To start this off, I understand that some people will think I'm sick, and others that I'm faking, but I'm not either of them, so if there are going to me any cynical, insulting replies, keep them to yourselves. I have a real problem and I need help.

My brother and I were making out in my bedroom and our parents caught us. It was so embarrassing and we are lucky we weren't doing anything more. They were supposed to be out so we thought it would be okay but they came home early and ruined everything. Now my Dad won’t speak to me and my Mum keeps telling me what we are doing is wrong and we are bringing shame to the family.

It can be very hard for parents to accept the sexuality of their children, no matter how old those children are. But when you add in a knee-jerk reaction against consanguinamory, the initial reaction is often going to be bad. That is one reason I offer this page to help.

I come from a very hippy family. When we were kids, my parents would take my brother and I to a naturist camp, but they stopped taking us when we got to puberty, because they thought it would be very uncomfortable for us. They're very good, understanding people. We've really learned that sexuality is a free thing, and sex can be tremendously loving and free.

Sounds like they have the potential to come around, then.

It gets a little graphic after this, so I am putting the rest of the jump.

My brother and I have always been very close. He's terribly shy, and doesn't have much experience with girls. I’m 21 and he's 18. We talk about everything, from menstruation to wet dreams. We are very comfortable with each other. He’s always had a crush on me and he told my best friend’s cousin he did when he was 13 and she told me. I was surprised when I found out but then I thought about it and I should have known. He’s the type of brother a girl could only dream of having. He’s always doing things for me or asking if I need help with something

We made love the other day for the first time. He was a virgin and I had to train him. He was very nervous but it was one of the best feelings of my life. He kept telling me how nice I tasted, smelled and felt and I thought about how he was loads nicer than the other guys id been with. I don’t think I was wrong. I love him, and he loves me. We had safe sex, and were very good to each other. I know our society has a problem with incest, though if it’s consenting, I don't see the problem.

They are both adults. They can consent to sex with strangers; they should be free to consent to sex with each other.

My problem is our parents. We both love them and I wish they never found out this way. I should have told them but if they aren’t going to respect our relationship I will take my brother and leave them forever. Nothing they can say can change the way we feel. I love him.

What should we do?

They are adults. They should move out. Yes, life may be tough, and yes, it will likely mean it will take longer to do things like complete their educations, but it is time to return their parents’ privacy and to have some of their own.

She added some more…

We don't need counselling. We love each other. This isn't lust or the desire to have sex with one another. We have an emotional connection and we want to be together. My brother is a great guy and believe me when I say there are not too many of them left.


I don't want to end it. I love him and it's not just "family love". I was physically abused by 2 of my exboyfriends but my brother was always there for me. He stood up to them when nobody else would and he might have got beat up but he still did it for me. He treats me with the respect I deserve from a guy and he listens to me.

In some cases with siblings their ages, it is a matter of experimentation or recreation. But it sounds like, in their case, it is something deeper. They should be free to have their life together and marry, if that is what they want.

Steve disapproved but didn’t give a reason why…

You need to see a psychiatrist. Having romantic feelings and sexual intercourse with a blood related family member is wrong whether you accept that or not. You have issues, and you need help. If you can't see that, I'm sorry but I don't know what else to say to you.

Because there isn’t anything to say, other than, "congratulations on your love and it is best to move out together." Steve pretty much tried Discredited Argument #1.

Precious Gem wrote…

Get counseling. You and your brother have very confused feelings for one another.

They are not confused. It is clear that they have a multilayered love for each other.


I really encourage you and your brother to discuss your situation with a family counselor. Your situation is fairly common, but because it is taboo in our society, it is kept quiet.

True, that.

Sarah also expressed her dislike…

You should end it.

But Sarah never gives a good reason why. She notes that it is illegal for them get married, which begs the question… why is it illegal?

Skinny Dipper offered qualified support…

Your both of age and are cognizant of the implications of what you are doing, so in that regard I agree with you and see no harm with what your doing. Its not like you forced yourself on him which is often the case in situations like this. If you feel that strongly about the bond you have with your brother then perhaps its time you both moved to a different city and begin life as a couple. But you need to be aware of what doing this means. It will always have to kept a secret, you should never have children and if you have any relatives, what will they think? I know of a brother and sister couple who left home and are still together. Good luck.

So did Sky…

True love knows no bounds, so if you two are truly in love together and happy with what you have then more power to you.

Donna was supportive…

Both you and your brother are over 18 and are therefore adults in most Western countries. You can do or not do what you want so long as you do it in the dwellings that you pay for yourselves.

That’s the way it should be, but the law doesn’t always live up to that, unfortunately.

You cannot legally get married. The risk with have children together is higher, but marginally so, since unless incest is common within both family lines (like it was in the Royal families of Europe) or Tribal nations. Randomness is your friend.

Perhaps, your parents reaction is one of desire. They too may have desires for the two of you but have controlled themselves. Just remember, that in most Western countries consensual incest is the only sexual act that is still criminal. So it would be prudent to keep your mouth shut.

I suggest that you, your brother, and both parents relax in a large hot tub and talk about this without anger or guilt. Openness works.

Consanguinamory can be a beautiful thing, and unfortunately it still has to be hidden in most cases. It is best for young adults, if they don't have supportive parents, to move into their own place.
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