Monday, November 22, 2010

A Happy, Functioning Family

Due to the polygamy trial in Canada, news sources are looking to have articles about poly people. The more neutral and positive coverage there is, the better. Here’s an article from the Vancouver Sun on one happy poly family.

Zoe Duff is 50 years old and lives in Victoria in a relationship that she describes as a polyamorous triad.

She has two husbands.

"We are a stable and happy blended family," she says, describing Hawksworth, Weeds, her two youngest children and herself, who all live together.

"Each of the children has his own room. The members of our triad share one very large bed in one bedroom. ... We share all common areas and enjoy family times with the children as well as shared private times."

The household chores are shared and "we have a posted calendar in the kitchen and an online calendar where we keep track of everyone's work and school schedule and events. Dates with outside partners are posted to the online schedule for the adults to note."

The men are heterosexual. They have an open relationship…

Each of the triad members is free to have relationships outside. "These relationships may involve one, two or all three triad members. We generally inform each other of outside dating and seek approval of the others as a consideration."

Duff says they are open to adding others to their triad, "on an equal footing, but do not currently have the space or inclination."

"In general, my partners and I view one another as equals in all sense of rights and responsibility. ... Decisions affecting the family unit are discussed and decided by consensus of the adults with the weight of the final decision being on the person most affected or having been designated to act upon the decision."

She says the polygamy law "places us in a moral dilemma as parents who have raised children to be law-abiding citizens." It has meant their children have had difficult conversations with their friends and friends' parents about their family triad.

We also see this when it comes to same-sex marriage. Spouses and their children have a difficult time explaining to others what a “domestic partner” is. They should be able to be legally married.

Their children "love and respect us as parents and know that our relationship is supportive and loving, but we have trouble explaining why our breaking that law is fine but such things as underage drinking and recreational drug use have never been tolerated in or around our home."

Isn’t it time to end this second-class citizen stuff and let them have the freedom to marry?
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