Monday, November 1, 2010

Cheater on Dr. Phil Opens Can of Worms

Poly people usually dislike cheaters, and resent being lumped in with them. A Natural Push reacted to a Dr. Phil show on “negotiated infidelity.”

In a perfect scenario, this would involve a couple who would have full-communication between one another (which should occur in any relationship), with certain boundaries erected to allot for external lovers or full relationships. Of course, to Dr. Phil - any infidelity is simply cheating, regardless if this formula works for the couple in question, or not. Polyamorous (meaning, "multiple loves") lifestyles aren't for everyone, nor should they be - especially not the couple that was being interviewed and given "therapy".

Cheating is breaking an agreement with a current partner. She explains there was a couple on the show where the man was cheating on his wife, and how that is misrepsented as open relationships or polyamory because the husband wants to negotiate new conditions to the marriage. These terms are not all synonymous. That is why there are different terms. Cheating, like I said, involves violating an agreement with a current partner. Polyamory involves full consent of all involved. Some poly relationships are open, some are not. Painting poly relationships as cheating is one way the freedom to marry is denied to polycules, or relationships where more than two people want to marry.

Linda, Melissa, and Matthew love each other and spend time together as a group, or two of them will spend time alone, and that is the core of their relationship. But that doesn’t mean none of them is ever with anyone else, and I’m glad for that. They don’t hide anything from each other, though.
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