How to Pull Off Living With Your Consanguinamorous Partner(s)

So you're in a consanguinamorous relationship and having the time of your life, or you're considering it, and you want to know about the possibilities and how-to when it comes to living with your lover. Some of you will want separate residences but most of you want to reside together. Someday, the considerations written below will no longer be necessary because things will be better, but for now, these serious considerations are necessary.

On the "good news" side is that, while there is much bigotry in many places against consanguinamory, often including criminalization, so that some lovers can't marry or sex is illegal, there are no laws against relatives living together and most cultures encourage it instead of discouraging it. There is a long history of family members living together. Although there has been an "American Dream" portraying a "nuclear family" married man and woman (not closely rated) living in a single-family house with 2.3 children, the reality has always been different for most people. One common variation has been for a couple (married or unmarried) or a single person to live with their parents or have a parent living with them, having one or more sibling living with them, etc.

Consanguinamorous Dating

We've talked much about how to live in a consanguinamorous relationship, but only a little about how to initiate one.

What about dating?

As with other relationships, your curiosity or sexual attraction might not be enough, and dating helps figure out if there could be mutual interest and attraction, and compatibility; it helps you get to know each other better, see if you can have fun together, see if you're a match, and bond more.

For some of you, there is a big difference between dating a relative or family member and someone else, because the other person might not know that you intend this to be dating in the romantic or sexual sense. It's a problem many LGBTQ+ people have faced before, and some continue to face, depending on where they live. On the plus side, you usually know a lot about this person already. In that way, it can be like starting to date a close friend: Can you be "more than" friends? In this case, it is can you be "more than" siblings or whatever your relation is? Dating can help figure that out. Even if people already know they are mutually attracted and interested, dating can be a way to see if they are actually compatible.

Coping With Being Outed as Consanguinamorous

If you are consanguinamorous or have experience with consanguinamory, hopefully, you'll never be outed against your will. It's a cruel thing to out someone unless they're hypocritically using their power to persecute other consanguinamorous people. 

Fortunately, most people in consanguinamorous relationships are never outed to anyone hostile, at least not anyone with any power over them. Still, it happens to a few people.

In some places, consanguinamory is still criminalized. There are not yet any protections against discrimination (such as in employment or housing), and some people have an irrational hatred against consanguinamorists, to the point of being violent and even murderous against consangs.

So being outed against your will can be a very big deal.

It's best not to be outed against your consent in the first place, so see here and here and here, and discuss with your consanguinamory partner(s) what you'd do if you were outed. In some situations, you might want to Press the Red Button.

One of the significant problems with ignorance around consanguinamory is the false "guilt by association" in which loving relationships are equated with assault and child abuse. It is so irrational that if, for example, two middle-aged siblings are together, some bigots will accuse of them of abusing children. It is senseless, but it happens.


The bottom line in some cases, you might need to:

Deny/remain silent.

Remove your online/social media presence (other than burner accounts) or set everything to private. Don't allow tagging, location info, and block as much as needed.

Change your name.

Relocate to where people don't know you; let as few people know where you've gone as possible.


Let's consider what might happen.

A New Life With True Love

We have another exclusive interview to bring you. 

People in consanguinamorous relationships are everywhere, though consanguinamorists tend to be closeted. Fortunately, some are willing to be interviewed for this blog. As a result, Full Marriage Equality has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law. Most can’t even be out of the closet or they’ll face persecution and prosecution under absurd incest laws, which, instead of focusing on abuse, also target consensual relationships.

The man interviewed below should be free to legally and publicly marry his lover, or simply be with her without having to hide, yet they can’t. Prejudice can be deadly. They are consenting adults; why should they have been denied their rights? In much of the world, they could be criminally prosecuted for loving each other this way, and might be persecuted severely in addition.

Read the interview below and see for yourself what he has to say about the love they share. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic, but whatever your reaction, should lovers like these be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights simply because they love each other this way?

Also please note that someone you love, respect, and admire could be in a similar relationship right now. Should they be attacked and denied rights because of the "incest" label? 

*****

FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY:  Describe yourself.

Vishal: We were born in India. My name is Vishal, I'm a 26 year-old man, and my sister’s name is Samaira, she's a 25 year-old woman.

We both are in IT industry in Germany. We chose it because it is a high paying industry. Our high salaries enables us to live a comfortable life here. Right now we are able to save little over half of our salaries, which we invest, because we pool our resources. If everything goes well, then I can get a promotion soon, so our future looks good in Germany.

There is a whole tale behind how we ended up being in IT industry in Germany. We grew up in a well-off family in India. We have also an older brother there. We have a shared hobby of playing tennis. But I also like to go to CrossFit and she likes to play video games. We also like to read non-Fiction books. But due to time constraints nowadays we can only read one book in four to five months.

Should Consanguinamorous Lovers Tell the Children?

Some consanguinamorous lovers raise children, whether those children are the genetic offspring of both of them or not.

At the suggestion of someone I was discussing this with, I'm asking YOU, dear readers, for your opinions.

Do you think consang lovers who are raising children should tell the children of their relation?

For example, an adult and their parent or adult sibling, uncle, or aunt are living like spouses or at least partners/lovers. The children will know they sleep together, are romantically affectionate, etc., even that they have children together (maybe them!) Because this family is living where people don't know of their genetic relation and assume the home consists of a "regular" couple with kids, there is little chance the children will find out of the genetic relation, at least while they are young. Should the children know that the people they know as their parents or parent/stepparent are close genetic relatives?

What do you suggest? Should the children be told? If so, when and how?

I have my own opinions, but I will post those at a later time.

You can comment below, including anonymously. You can also email your opinions to fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com

Anyone who wants to explain their opinion is welcome, but if you have been involved in a situation like this or personally know of a similar situation, or are educated in child development, please mention that in your comment.

A Growing Family Denied Their Rights

We have another exclusive interview to bring you. 

People in consanguinamorous relationships are everywhere, though consanguinamorists tend to be closeted. Fortunately, some are willing to be interviewed for this blog. As a result, Full Marriage Equality has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law. Most can’t even be out of the closet or they’ll face persecution and prosecution under absurd incest laws, which, instead of focusing on abuse, also target consensual relationships.

The lover interviewed below should be free to legally and publicly marry his spouse, or simply be together without having to hide, yet they can’t. Prejudice can be deadly. They are consenting adults; why should they have been denied their rights? In much of the world, including where they live, they could be criminally prosecuted for loving each other this way, and might be persecuted severely in addition.

Read the interview below and see for yourself what he has to say about the love they share. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic, but whatever your reaction, should lovers like these be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights simply because they love each other this way?

Also please note that someone you love, respect, and admire could be in a similar relationship right now. Should they be attacked and denied rights because of the "incest" label? 

NOTE: This interview has a brief amount of sexually explicit description. Separately, there is also mention of a sexual assault.

*****


FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourself.

Adam: My name is Adam, 25, and I am a Software Engineer. My mother's name is Bethany, 39, and she is also a Software Engineer. I was not conceived under pleasant circumstances. When my mother was 13, she was raped. My grandparents refused to let her get an abortion as they were religious nuts. Nine months later, I was born.

Regarding Interviews

Question: "When will you post another interview?"

Answer: When someone I'm in contact with has completed an interview and the interview process with me.

Most people who could benefit from this blog never see it and never contact me. Very few people who contact me are willing to be interviewed. Furthermore, some who are initially willing to be interviewed actively decide not to complete the process or passively don't complete the process.

The interviews are primarily to allow people to tell their stories. I don't hunt people down and interrogate them. So, I never know when the next interview will be ready unless I'm in the final stages of the process and getting ready to post it. I know they are popular and help a lot of people (they also often help the person being interviewed) but it takes the participation of others, so it isn't something I control. I'm not lazily sitting on drafts.

I'm willing to interview...

• people who are, or have been, in consensual "forbidden" relationships or consensual relationships that get marginalized through prejudice and discrimination
  
  
• relatives and friends of those people
  
  
• people I've interviewed before 

If you are in any of those categories (including, but not limited to, being involved in consanguinamory or nonmonogamy), and want to be interviewed or interviewed again, please do contact me. The best way is via email at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com. You can also contact me via Wire messaging service at fullmarriageequality, Facebook, or Twitter.

Equality, Life, Liberty, and Happiness

 

July 4 is Independence Day in the US, considered by many our country's birthday. That means Thursday is a widely observed and celebrated national holiday.

Connected to the day is the Declaration of Independence, which touts equality and notes that we have the rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

When the Declaration of Independence was written, equality was reserved for white, landowning, heterosexual, Christian males. Great strides have been made to extend equality to everyone else. As we know, equality just for some is not equality. In recent times, even if not everything has gone our way, we have seen many pro-equality court rulings and laws and we won’t let any regressive actions deter us.

More people are coming out of the closet, and more allies are coming out in support of equality. More people are free to marry, and now we have more polyamorous and polygamous people speaking up for their rights.

But we’re still on our journey. Equality, liberty, and the right to pursue happiness are, in many places in the US, and at the national government level, still denied to LGBTQ+ people in some ways. Even more so, these rights are denied to the polyamorous and the consanguinamorous. The US still struggles with racism.

Let’s keep moving forward so that an adult, regardless of race, religion, sexual orientation, or gender, is free to pursue love, sex, kink, residence and marriage with any and all consenting adults, and not be denied liberty, employment, housing, or anything else.

This isn't just a philosophical thing or a principle. There are people, good people, who are hurt by ongoing discrimination, prejudice, and ignorance. There are people just being themselves, hurting nobody, and people who are in loving, healthy relationships who are being denied their rights, who have to hide who they are or their love for each other, who constantly endure people proclaiming that the love they share is sick or disgusting or makes them worthy of being subjected to abuse or death. There are teenagers who have simply behaved as normal teenagers with each other and haven't hurt anybody (including each other or themselves) who are being lied to and told that nobody else is like them and they are depraved. That's no way to have to live, it certainly isn't liberty, and it squashes the pursuit of happiness.

They need to know they are not alone, and there's nothing wrong with them.

We need independence from hate and ignorance. So let's keep evolving America, and encourage other countries to do the same.

Meeting Their Needs

We have another exclusive interview to bring you. 

People in consanguinamorous relationships are everywhere, though consanguinamorists tend to be closeted. Fortunately, some are willing to be interviewed for this blog. As a result, Full Marriage Equality has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law. Most can’t even be out of the closet or they’ll face persecution and prosecution under absurd incest laws, which, instead of focusing on abuse, also target consensual relationships.

The lovers interviewed below should be free to legally and publicly marry each other, or simply be together without having to hide, yet they can’t. Prejudice can be deadly. They are consenting adults; why should they have been denied their rights? In much of the world, they could be criminally prosecuted for loving each other this way, and might be persecuted severely in addition.

Read the interview below and see for yourself what they have to say about the love they share. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic, but whatever your reaction, should lovers like these be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights simply because they love each other this way?

Also please note that someone you love, respect, and admire could be in a similar relationship right now. Should they be attacked and denied rights because of the "incest" label? 

NOTE: This interview has a brief amount of sexually explicit description.

*****

I would like to start by clarifying that I am Enrico, the interviewer. The family interviewed is a family of friends who want to talk about their story but remain completely anonymous, so the names of the three lovers will be pseudonyms.

*****

Enrico for FME: Describe yourselves.

Sebastiano: I'm Sebastiano, I'm 52 years old and I've been working as a cardiologist since graduating. I define myself as an average person in terms of physical appearance. I have a few extra kilos, I have lost my hair like many men, I consider myself lucky in having found a passion in a job that has made me more than financially happy and has allowed me a peaceful life.

I have been married for 24 years to Anna, the only true love of my life and with whom I have a son, Riccardo, who is now 22 years old and is also studying to become a doctor.

Consanguinamory and Cheating

Cheating is breaking the rules of a relationship.

The rules of a relationship are determined by mutual agreement of the people in the relationship.

Cheating can happen whether relationships are supposedly monogamous, monogamish, polyamorous, swinging, or are some form of limited "open" relationship.

Cheating can also intersect with consanguinamory in two basic ways: 

1. Cheating on a non-consanguineous partner with a consanguineous (closely related) partner.

2. Cheating on a consanguineous partner.

In this entry, I want to address the first one: when someone is cheating on a "regular" (non-consang) partner with a close relative or family member.
 
This can happen either because someone who is involved in consanguinamory takes on a "regular" relationship under false pretenses or because someone in a regular relationship starts a consanguinamorous relationship. I've addressed the latter when it involves reunion GSA here. This entry below is mostly about "raised with/by" consanguinamory but can also apply to GSA.

I heartily endorse ethical, disclosed, or consensual nonmonogamy. I don't encourage cheating, and I recommend against making an unwitting beard out of someone by taking them on as an ignorant partner who thinks the relationship is monogamous, to try to hide the fact that you're consanguinamorous. (Here's what I wrote about honestly taking on a regular partner if you're consanguinamorous.) However, I do recognize that consanguinamorous people are under crushing pressure to stay closeted, and that many of the problems with cheating (with a neighbor, coworker, etc.) don't exist or are reduced when the affair partner is a close relative or family member.

Let's consider what those problems with cheating can be:

1) Your partner(s) lose trust in you (if they find out).

2) If you have the kind of relationship with your partner(s) that you talk about everything important to you, you now have changed that.

3) It can cause conflicts of interest and divided loyalties.

4) It might cause you to leave your partner(s), them to leave you, or the destabilizing thinking of that possibility. 

5) It might divert resources, such as time, energy, and money, that would normally go to your partner(s)/spouse(s)/children. This is especially so if a child results from the cheating.

6) It might involve the risk of STIs, especially if those get passed along to your partner(s), who might be unaware of their risk.

7) If the cheating is with a coworker, this can become a very big problem for the other people working there.

8) If the affair partner is destructive of violent, they could visit that upon your partners/family.

9) Nosey or observant people might pick up on the cheating and gossip about it around the neighborhood or office.

When the cheating is with a close relative or family member, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9 are either non-existent or minimized. Family members are usually already spending time together and can get together regularly in private without raising suspicions.

That doesn't mean cheating is OK. But it helps to put things in perspective.

When someone falls in love with, or otherwise gets with someone they don't know is consanguinamorous, they were attracted to someone who has a consanguinamorous involvement; they were attracted to a consanguinamorous person, it's just that they didn't know they were consanguinamorous. But consanguinamory is part of what made that person who they are. Again, it doesn't make cheating OK, but it is true.

Things will be better overall when nonmonogamy and consanguinamory gain acceptance and are no longer subjected to bigotry. That will help people be who they are without having to stay closeted or keep their love secret. If you're concerned about where cheating intersects with consanguinamory, help eliminate the prejudices and stigmas that prevent so many people from living authentically and openly. Support relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality.

Father’s Day - Sunday, June 16

Sunday, June 16 is Father's Day.

For all men raising or helping (or who have helped) to raise a child, whether you are a biological father, presumed father, grandfather, stepfather, bonus father, adoptive father, foster father or any variation… we wish you a Happy Father’s Day!

A special thanks to fathers who have supported and loved their children who are LGBTQ+, polyamorous, consanguinamorous, or have otherwise faced persecution or oppression because of who they are or the person(s) they love. And you fathers who ARE LGBTQ+, polyamorous, or consanguinamorous, we see you, too.

We offer a note of encouragement to all fathers who can’t legally marry the person(s) they love, but would if they could, or who face bullying due to love or who they are: We will win so that every adult can pursue love, sex, and marriage with any consenting adults.

If you have a good father in your life, are you planning anything special for Father's Day?

Some considerations if you have, or are considering, a more physical relationship with your father...

Two Women Who Are Still Denied a Wedding

We have another exclusive interview to bring you. 

People in consanguinamorous relationships are everywhere, though consanguinamorists tend to be closeted. Fortunately, some are willing to be interviewed for this blog. As a result, Full Marriage Equality has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law. Most can’t even be out of the closet or they’ll face persecution and prosecution under absurd incest laws, which, instead of focusing on abuse, also target consensual relationships.

The women interviewed below should be free to legally and publicly marry each other, or simply be together without having to hide, yet they can’t. Prejudice can be deadly. They are consenting adults; why should they have been denied their rights? In much of the world, they could be criminally prosecuted for loving each other this way, and might be persecuted severely in addition.

Read the interview below and see for yourself what they have to say about the love they share. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic, but whatever your reaction, should lovers like these be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights simply because they love each other this way?

Also please note that someone you love, respect, and admire could be in a similar relationship right now. Should they be attacked and denied rights because of the "incest" label? 

NOTE: This interview has a brief amount of sexually explicit description.

*****

FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourselves. 

Anna: I'm Anna. I was born in 1990 in Klagenfurt am Wörthersee in the Austrian state of Carinthia with my twin sister. We are the only two children of our parents, who are both entrepreneurs.