Family Making the Most of the Distance

We've talked about being stuck at home with family. But what if you're separated by distance, whether on the other side of town, or in a different state/province/territory, even another country, and meeting up is not an option for now?

If you have a consanguinamorous relationship already, the separation can be especially difficult to endure. Modern communications can mitigate that somewhat, as explained below.

But what if you weren't to that point; you'd been thinking about initiating something before you had to stay apart, or you've been thinking about it now that you're missing them and stuck at home?

Communicating with your relatives or family members from a distance can provide a certain level of psychological freedom, especially when you are bored and/or they are. They might be more willing to try something bold and so might you.

So, how do you make something happen?

Answering Questions

A few questions/comments relating to consanguinamory were asked and answered at this blog's sister Tumblr. 

The first was from someone who has a crush for a cousin.

The second was about the prevalence of incest porn.

The third was about Discredited Argument 20. 

Check them out, and bookmark/follow that Tumblr.

You can ask questions by commenting here or by contacting Keith. 

A Secret Triad

This blog is here to advocate for the rights of all consenting adults to be together how they mutually agree. Included in that is supporting ethical or consensual nonmonogamy. Unfortunately, because of lingering laws and prejudices about consanguinamory, many people can't be open about their attractions and experiences; cheating, which we do not advocate, can happen in such a negative environment as people do not feel free to discuss things openly and honestly with their partners, or anyone else for that matter. Again, we don't advocate cheating, but we recognize that some consanguineous sex does happen in the context of cheating. Still, there are things we can learn about relationships in general and consanguineous relationships especially by interviewing people who have had such experiences.

The woman interviewed below is engaged to a man and having a secret affair with her brother and mother.

In much of the world, including all but a couple of US states, she, her mother, and her brother could be criminally prosecuted for this, not for the cheating, but for having sex with each other.

Read the interview below and see for yourself what this woman has to say. You may think her relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic and romantic; you might find the cheating to be unacceptable. But whatever your reaction, should this be a crime? If her fiancé was agreeable, shouldn't they be able to be open about their relationship and even marry? Also, notice that aspects of the relationship are common to consanguineous relationships that don't involve cheating, too. We don't condone cheating, but even a relationship that involves cheating can help give an understanding of the dynamic of consanguineous relationships, as this is happening everywhere.


*****

FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourself.

J: I’m a 9-1-1 Dispatcher in [the Midwest USA]. I’m engaged and have been for over a year. I’ll be getting  married in the fall of 2022. I’m a 23 year-old white blonde. I wear glasses, I’m curvy lady, which took a while for me to accept and embrace. 5’5”. I finished high school and went to college, where is where I met my fiancé.

A Question of Solidarity

At this blog's sister Tumblr, we got a question about solidarity for consanguinamorous people. Check out the question and the answer.

Solidarity Is Needed To Advance Rights

How Marriage Equality Supports Family Values and Morality

There are people who constantly make a point of telling us their beliefs that marriage is important for our countries, that being married is good for adults and for children, that commitment is good, that unmarried sex is bad, unmarried cohabitation is bad, that being a single mother is bad, and that marriage is needed to “channel male sexuality.” They cite with worry the fact that there are fewer married households now and more children being raised outside of a home headed by married parents. These are what they say “family values” and “morality” are about. Everyone should get married and only have sex and raise children in marriage and should go to church every week and enjoy “freedom of religion.”


Let’s consider some facts, at least how the stand in the US (your country may vary.)…

It's Polyamory Week

It's Polyamory Week! February 9 through 15, 2021 is a week to celebrate, spread awareness, and learn about polyamory.

Have questions about polyamory? Ask away!

Polyamorists might choose this week to come out.

Maybe you've been considering polyamory yourself.

Here's a good blog entry marking Polyamory Week 2021.

Ethical Nonmonogamy Has Always Existed and Always Will

Ethical nonmonogamy has always existed and always will.

An adult should be free to have relationships, marriages, and sex with any and all consenting adults, without criminalization, bullying, or discrimination. There should be no laws against ethical nonmonogamy. For example, Utah has had a law criminalizing polyfidelity to try to eliminate plural marriage. It hasn't worked.

People should be free to live out the sexuality and relationships in which they best function, whatever form they take.

People should be free to have a polygamous marriage.

People should be free to have polyamorous relationships.

People should be free to have open marriages and other open relationships.

People should be free to participate in swinging.

People should be free to have threesomes and moresomes.

People should be free to engage in "swapping."

People should be free to have sex outside of marriage.

People should be free to live together in or outside of marriages, and free to stay with each other for any length of time.

There shouldn't be any laws against these things. Don't like these things? Don't do them!

Some people want monogamy, or no relationship or nor sex, and that's fine. But others should be allowed their own lives. There is no good reason to try to stop consenting adults from sharing the relationships and affections to which they've mutually agreed.

Ethical nonmonogamy might also be referred to as consensual nonmonogamy or disclosed nonmonogamy.

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is almost here again. Many people will be getting married. Married people will be celebrating their anniversaries, or simply having a night out (or a special night in, considering COVID precautions), as will other people hoping to get married someday, or maybe just enjoying being together in public.

If you are in such a situation, good for you and enjoy it.

Whether you are or not, take a moment to think about all of the people who can’t marry the person or person(s) they love, or can’t so much as hold hands in public without being accosted. Think about the people, consenting adults, who have to completely hide their relationships because they could be sent to prison for simply having sex in private. Think about the people who have to hide who they are because, where they live, they could be killed for being who they are. Think about the people who can’t accept gifts from their their lover(s) at work, or even a loving comment in social media, because it would out them and get them fired.

This is what goes on because some people are being denied their rights to share sex, love, residence, and marriage. The US has had the limited monogamous same-gender freedom to marry nationwide, which was a great step forward, for years now, and it hasn't hurt anything. Other victories for that freedom to marry since February 14, 2020 have included...

April 23, 2020...Same-sex marriage became legal in Sark.

May 26...Same-sex marriage became legal in Costa Rica.

June 11...The Swiss National Council voted to legalize same-sex marriage, along with artificial insemination for lesbian couples.

June 23...Same-sex marriage became legal in the city of Tel Aviv-Yafo.

July 1...Civil partnerships became legal in Montenegro. The act was subsequently signed by the incumbent president.

September 4...Recognition of same-sex civil partnerships in the Cayman Islands.

November 3...The legalization of same-sex marriage in Puebla was codified by the Congress of Puebla.

December 1...The Swiss Council of States voted to legalize same-sex marriage.

In most of the world, a man can’t marry both of the women he loves, despite both women being in favor of such a marriage.

The people in most of these interviews can't have legally recognized marriages anywhere in the world, with perhaps one or two exceptions, and we need full marriage equality before people like Linda, Melissa, and Matthew can tie the knot.

So enjoy Valentine's Day if you are able, but think for a moment about the people who will only be able to fully enjoy theirs when we have full marriage equality so that an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion, is free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, persecution, or discrimination. Help make it happen sooner rather than later.

Maybe you're stuck at home with family this year?

Do you have special plans? Or, if you're reading this after Valentine's Day, do you have anything special to report? If so, comment below. Remember, you can comment anonymously. Or, if you prefer, contact Keith.

Infamous Abuse Cases Have Nothing to Do With Consanguinamory or Polyamory

TRIGGER WARNING: Abuse, domestic violence, sexual assault, child abuse, slavery, murder

Dan Savage Answered Another GSA Question

Every once in a while I notice when Dan Savage answers a question about consanguineous sex, whether initiated by Genetic Sexual Attraction or not. Here's one from last month. 

Q: I have a question about adult incest, also called genetic sexual attraction in the adoption community (GSA). I slept with my biological father 30 years ago. We met when I was an adult after I had been raised by my adoptive parents. Now it’s so awkward to act like I’m a sister to the other children he raised. Should I ever tell them that our dad is my ex-boyfriend?

A: No — if there’s no chance your siblings will ever find out, take that I-fucked-our-father shit to the grave.

For her to tell her genetic siblings would be outing herself. In some circumstances, coming out can be liberating and empowering. For the consanguinamorous, it can be very risky. Consanguinamory is still criminalized in a lot of places, although there might be a limitation that means nothing that happened 30 years ago can be prosecuted now. Legal issues aside, there's a still much prejudice.

The woman asking this question needs to consider: What would be the benefit of outing herself? She might think it would explain how she interacts with her genetic (half?) siblings, but if she wasn't raised with them, might feel awkward trying to have a sibling relationship with them even if she'd never had sex with their shared genetic father.

So, my advice would be to set aside what happened 30 years ago and ask, "Are these good people? Is interacting with them more positive than negative? Do we have things in common?" If the answers to those questions are all "Yes," then accept that there is awkwardness (which the others might not feel at all), and get on with it. But if any of the answers are "No," the woman asking the question is not obligated to keep interacting, or interacting as much as she had been. They are genetically related, but that doesn't obligate they "act like siblings" or be friends.

Genetic Sexual Attraction is far more common than people think, common enough that people should be informed about it and assume that is has been experienced in cases like this and has been acted upon. And that doesn't necessarily warrant any judgment or action. So what if people enjoyed sex with each other in the past? How is that anyone else's business? If you're curious, and you want to ask questions and the person who experienced it is willing to answer them, that's one thing. But leave the bigotry aside.

Does this raise questions for you? Anything you want to share? You can comment below or you can reach out to Keith.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

In the US, Monday is a holiday, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. He was a giant in the fight for civil rights.



Many decades after he was assassinated, the fight for civil rights continues.

History is on our side. All consenting adults will be free to exercise their rights to share love, sex, residence, and marriage.

Are you like those who kept trying to keep some people second-class citizens, or are you like the people who marched with King?

This is how you can help.

Consanguinamory Is Not Dysfunction

ALL IN THE FAMILY wrote into Dear Abby to say that when she was first married, her husband's mother and sisters were "hostile" to her, and she didn't know why. (Side note: Don't marry someone if they're close with their family and their family is hostile to you.) She may or may not be accurate about the treatment, given what she writes later. But let's assume she is.

When they started treating our children the same way, my husband finally addressed the issue.

That's good, but he shouldn't have let them do it to her, either.

We moved out of town, and he finally told me that when he was in his teens and early 20s, he had had sex with all of them, which was why they didn't like me.

There is too much information missing from this.

There are two basic possibilities to what happened:

1) When he was 13, his mother, and possibility significantly older sisters, started assaulting him. That's not "having sex." But that's not how the letter reads. 

2) When he was a teen, he and his sisters, who are close in age to him and each other, starting experimenting with sex. After a while, as they got older, they involved their mother. (Yes, this has happened.) Or he was 18 or 19 and started with his mother, and then his sisters.

Those are two different things. If it was the latter, which is far more common than most people admit, I wouldn't be surprised if he was still having sex with them until shortly before the move. It would explain the timing of his disclosure. Or at least until the wedding. Consanguinamorous bonds can be very strong.