Dan Savage Answered Another GSA Question

Every once in a while I notice when Dan Savage answers a question about consanguineous sex, whether initiated by Genetic Sexual Attraction or not. Here's one from last month. 

Q: I have a question about adult incest, also called genetic sexual attraction in the adoption community (GSA). I slept with my biological father 30 years ago. We met when I was an adult after I had been raised by my adoptive parents. Now it’s so awkward to act like I’m a sister to the other children he raised. Should I ever tell them that our dad is my ex-boyfriend?

A: No — if there’s no chance your siblings will ever find out, take that I-fucked-our-father shit to the grave.

For her to tell her genetic siblings would be outing herself. In some circumstances, coming out can be liberating and empowering. For the consanguinamorous, it can be very risky. Consanguinamory is still criminalized in a lot of places, although there might be a limitation that means nothing that happened 30 years ago can be prosecuted now. Legal issues aside, there's a still much prejudice.

The woman asking this question needs to consider: What would be the benefit of outing herself? She might think it would explain how she interacts with her genetic (half?) siblings, but if she wasn't raised with them, might feel awkward trying to have a sibling relationship with them even if she'd never had sex with their shared genetic father.

So, my advice would be to set aside what happened 30 years ago and ask, "Are these good people? Is interacting with them more positive than negative? Do we have things in common?" If the answers to those questions are all "Yes," then accept that there is awkwardness (which the others might not feel at all), and get on with it. But if any of the answers are "No," the woman asking the question is not obligated to keep interacting, or interacting as much as she had been. They are genetically related, but that doesn't obligate they "act like siblings" or be friends.

Genetic Sexual Attraction is far more common than people think, common enough that people should be informed about it and assume that is has been experienced in cases like this and has been acted upon. And that doesn't necessarily warrant any judgment or action. So what if people enjoyed sex with each other in the past? How is that anyone else's business? If you're curious, and you want to ask questions and the person who experienced it is willing to answer them, that's one thing. But leave the bigotry aside.

Does this raise questions for you? Anything you want to share? You can comment below or you can reach out to Keith.