Update on Lovers Denied Their Rights

In September 2014, we ran this interview with a consanguinamorous couple expecting a child. They recently agreed to an update of how they're doing. Read their initial interview so that you'll understand what's going on with this update.


*****

FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Our previous interview was published in September, when you were pregnant. How was the pregnancy?

Jenna: It was good. There were no problems during the pregnancy. I gave birth in November.


FME: How was the delivery?

Jenna: Very painful, but I’d do it again.

Casting Call for Cousins

Working with the media can be great (like when it gets our message out in a positive way) or bad (like when people are wrongly portrayed in a negative light. So, I always urge caution in working with the media, but I do want to see our positive message get out to more people.

Here's a casting call for all of you cousins who are in consaguinamorous relationships.

True Life: I’m Dating / Marrying My Cousin

They say you can’t help who you love. So what do you do when the person you’ve fallen in love with happens to be your own cousin? People talk about supporting the right to love and marry whoever they want…but despite all that talk, do you still feel like you and your cousin have to hide your feelings for each other? Are you afraid of being judged? In many cultures it’s common, and it’s even perfectly legal in some states…so why do you have to live in shame? Love is complicated and the love you’ve found may not be “acceptable” by some people’s standards. But it’s time to speak out and be heard. Are you in love with your cousin? Are you married, engaged, or thinking about getting engaged? Let your love be stronger than their judgment. This is your chance to help the world understand, and we want to hear your story.
Email mtvtruelifestories@gmail.com

If you pursue this, please be mindful of how you represent consanguineous relationships. It is also important to remember that there are a few US states in which people can be criminally prosecuted for consensual sex with their first cousin, even though half of US states will marry first cousins.

We Will Keep Speaking Up For Rights

The U.S. took a big step forward with the nationwide limited monogamous same-gender freedom to marry.

And Mexico, we saw what you did, too.

There is still so much to do in North America and around the world.

We will keep working, because every adult, regardless of their gender, sexuality, or relationships with other consenting adults should be free to live, work, love, and play without having to hide who they are or their relationships. Every adult should be free to live and to share love, sex, residence, and partnerships/unions/marriage (and any of those without the others) with any & all consenting adults, without fearing prosecution, persecution, bullying, harassment, or discrimination.

We will keep working to repeal and overturn the discriminatory laws, replacing them with protections, and change the stigmas, prejudices, and bigotries.

We will keep working to protect our youth and anyone who is curious or questioning or transitioning and to let them know they’re not alone and it gets better.

Whether you want to marry, want a divorce, or never want to marry; whether you are gay, lesbian, hetero, bisexual, pansexual, or another orientation; whether you are cis, trans, fluid, intersex, or any other identity; whether you are asexual, aromatic, demi, swingers, monogamous, polyamorous, dominant, submissive, in an interracial or consanguinamorous relationship, or however you identify or love or play, we’ve got your back.

Let’s keep the momentum going. Let’s make sure it gets a lot better sooner rather than later.

Thank you for all you do for the rights of all.



Have you joined the Facebook group yet? Join "I Support Full Marriage Equality."


Are we Facebook friends? I want to be friends with all who support full marriage equality and relationship rights for all adults. Here I am.

Are we connected on Twitter? Here I am.

Are we connected on Tumblr? Here I am.

If you don't want to connect, still feel free to send me a note. I can be reached at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com

Throwing Polyamorous People Under the Bus

Jonathan Rauch, for some reason I don't know, has a piece at politico.com throwing polyamorous people who want to marry under the bus.

Opposing the legalization of plural marriage should not be my burden, because gay marriage and polygamy are opposites, not equivalents.

Huh? They are both part of full marriage equality.

By allowing high-status men to hoard wives at the expense of lower-status men, polygamy withdraws the opportunity to marry from people who now have it;

Oh, wow. OK, he's using "plural marriage" and "polygamy" interchangeably, and limiting both to polygyny. He's also invoking Discredited Argument #16. This is about consenting adults. If three women want to marry the same man and agree to all be married to the same man, why does Rauch want to force two of them to marry another man? Also, polygyny is just one form of polygamy. Polyamorous relationships are diverse.

same-sex marriage, by contrast, extends the opportunity to marry to people who now lack it.

Hooray for the same-gender freedom to marry! I've seen many polyamorous people express the  same. So why is Rauch trying to deny polyamorous people the polyamorous freedom to marry? Why write a piece like this? He's going to look rather silly when he wakes up on the wrong side of history.

We Get Letters From Closeted Lovers

It's always nice to get appreciative feedback, whether via email (fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com) or via the comment feature below. This message came in, and I wish I could share more about this person but this person is exceedingly wary of being identified by anyone who might read this. Given the prejudices, including criminalization (as is the case where this person lives) applied to this loving relationship, I understand.

Here is what was written...

Hi,

I just wanted to thank you for speaking about [consanguinamory] in your blog. It was pretty amazing to read someone openly supporting us.

I myself am in an incestuous relationship but couldn't possibly ever consider speaking out about it. It's totally illegal where I am, and we would probably both be publicly shamed. I live in fear every day of just one person deciding I'm not human and reporting us and having my family and friends abandon me because I'm disgusting to them. I can't even let my partner know because if they thought I was constantly worried, they would leave me thinking it was the better choice.

They've been together for years, and the person who wrote fears "being dragged out of our beds at night and called monsters."

Let's Celebrate!

There is much to celebrate in today's U.S. Supreme Court decision. Let's party!!!

There is also still much work to do. Every adult, regardless of their gender, sexual orientation, rare, or religion, should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (and any of those without the others) with ANY and ALL consenting adults, without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination. Let's build on today's momentum to make a better tomorrow.

Join us:

Have you joined the Facebook group yet? Join "I Support Full Marriage Equality."

You should also like this page, Full Marriage Equality, and we meant that.

Are we Facebook friends? I want to be friends with all who support full marriage equality and relationship rights for all adults. Here I am.

Are we connected on Twitter? Here I am.

Are we connected on Tumblr? Here I am.

If you don't want to connect, still feel free to send me a note. I can be reached at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com

Comedic Consanguinamory

At sheknows.com, Deirdre Kaye reviews "Another Period," a show on Comedy Central. Here is what is relevant to this blog...

Another Period has already rightfully earned comparisons to Keeping Up with the Kardashians and Downton Abbey. But claiming that the new hit comedy is a mash-up of the two just doesn't do it justice. At the end of the first 30 minutes, one thing is abundantly different about Another Period: It's actually entertaining. I'm not hating. KUWTK and Downton are both enthralling shows. It's easy to get caught up in the people-watching aspect of KUWTK and even easier to get sucked into the drama on Downton. But there's something missing from those two gems that is easily found in Another Period.

My best guess as to what it is? Comedy... and incest.

Actually, the Kardashians have had themes of consanguinamory in their media.

Before the second commercial break, the "scandal" and silliness were underway when Lady Beatrice Bellacourt and Frederick (Jason Ritter) found themselves together in a bedroom. For the first time all day, they were finally "alone." By alone, of course, they meant in a room where each wall was lined with servants. The absurdity continued when Beatrice whimpered about not understanding why they couldn't be together and Frederick reminded her that they were brother and sister. That didn't stop them from throwing down on the bed, though. At least, you know, after Beatrice was undressed for Frederick by her servants and then Frederick's keepers did the same for him. It was a long, awkward process, but Ritter had no problem acting up his arousal as his sister's dress was painstakingly tugged off her lithe frame. The ridiculousness of it all was brilliantly played out by Ritter and Riki Lindhome (Beatrice), which made the whole thing even funnier.

I can understand playing consanguinamory for laughs, but I do look forward to respectful depictions. Respectful depictions can also involve comedy, as in romantic comedies, and there can be much humor in pointing out the emptiness of objections people have to other adults having a consanguinamorous relationship. What's definitely not funny is how people in such relationships are treated.

Round it out with the sisters' husbands (who are cheating on them with each other), their sassy butler (played by Michael Ian Black) and the new girl servant, Chair (Christina Hendricks), and this ensemble cast has the makings of a true winner this season.

Please do comment if you watch any episodes.

Polyamorists Among You

Polyamorous people are everywhere.

You DO know polyamorous people. People you go/went to school with (maybe one of your instructors), people you work with, neighbors, maybe that police officer you saw the other day, that person in the minivan driving by... they may even be in your own extended family, not wanting to come out to you.


Some people are polyamorous as who they are, even if they're not in a relationship right now or are only with one person right now.

Many polyamorous people are closeted. Some haven't realized they are polyamorous.

I am very happy that polyamory is being depicted more in the media these days.

The potential problem with people unfamiliar with polyamorists seeing a polyamorous relationship depicted in a television show or news story, a talk show, or in a newspaper, magazine, or website article is that they may think, "Ah, now I know exactly what polyamory is like!" That would be like an extraterrestrial watching one fast food advertisement or chef competition television show and saying, "Ah,  now I know exactly what meals look like on Earth!" There is so much variety. Media coverage and depictions will have to be increased for more people to get that.

There could be a polyfidelitous family living very close to you, and you don't even know it because they seem like any other average household nearby, just with more than two adults. If there are three adults, perhaps you thought two of them were blood relatives. You could be right, and it could still be a polyamorous home.

We're everywhere.

Equality For All, Not Just Some

At socratichomer.wordpress.com, an argument by someone identified as Madman of Chu in regards to marriage equality is examined...

Madman’s claim is that marriage equality is guaranteed by the 14th Amendment of the United States Constitution.

There's more than one way to get there, but this is one of the popular ways.

Madman further implies a claim of definition to identify how Marriage should be identified; specifically, that Marriage consists of two persons only.

I don't see where the Constitution says that. Oh, that's right, it doesn't. 

Finally, he puts forth a claim of policy, writing, “We should not confuse the time when a law became unconstitutional with the point at which it “became” wrong.”

It is that particular sentence which presents the best argument for legal recognition of all nontraditional forms of marriage (same sex, polygamous and incestuous). If laws against same sex marriage were wrong before courts decided they were unconstitutional, then there is a very real possibility that laws against polygamous and incestuous marriage are equally wrong, though not yet determined to be unconstitutional.

We agree, and it is our position that laws denying consenting adults the freedom to marry are unjust. They are also hurtful and wasteful.

If so, are we truly on the right side of history when advocating marriage equality for traditional and same sex couples while refusing to do the same for polygamous and incestuous couples?

Good question (although I would not have worded it exactly like that.) The answer is no. The right side of history is full marriage equality. Someone may not like the idea of interracial, same-gender, polygamous, or consanguineous marriages, but their disgust or lack of understanding or religious doctrines should not prevent other people from having the marriages to which they mutually consent.

Here to Help

This blog is here to help. We're here to help people get their rights, we're here to help open minds, we're here to let people they are not alone.

I am contacted by people who let me know this blog is succeeding. Every once in a while though, someone will reach out and then writing back to them proves difficult. For example, someone contacted me on Facebook within the past day and wanted to have a conversation, but I'm unable to write back to her for reasons that may be her doing or Facebook's.

I can be reached through Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/fullmarriageequality and I do check my "Other" folder. But your settings have to allow me to write back, or you have to include an email address in your message, or I won't be able to respond to you.

I can be reached at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com, which is often better than Facebook.

You can also reach us by using the comment form below, but if you do not want your comment published, be sure to say so in your comment. Comments have to be approved before they will appear on the blog.

Looking forward to hearing from you, whatever your reason for writing to me.

Blog Recommendation

If you like this blog, you should check out The Final Manifesto on blogspot as well.

Do you know other blogs like ours? Meaning (mostly) Safe For Work supporters of full marriage equality? Do tell!

How Polyamorous People Can Find Dates

Various cultural elements lead people to believe that most, if not all people, are looking for monogamy, or that monogamy is ideal. Ours laws discriminate against people who aren't monogamists. This means that polyamorous people often have to "come out" as such.

At psychologytoday.com, there's a helpful piece by Elisabeth A. Sheff Ph.D about coming out to a potential "sweetie" as poly.

Many long-time polyamorists exclusively date other experienced polys, skirting the issue of coming out or explaining polyamory by avoiding relationships with monogamous people and those trying their first open relationship.

It should be noted that some polyamorous relationships are not open, but if a poly person is dating (or trying to) someone "new" it means a relationship is open at least enough for this person, if not all involved, to add a new sweetie. Some poly people are looking to add a sweetie who will only be with them, some are looking for a sweetie who will be with more than one of them, some are looking for other sweeties, too, and some want sweeties who will continue to be open to being with others outside of the polycule. There are many, many ways these things can go.

1. Date Polyamorous People

Fortunately, there is a grown presence of online communities for polyamorous people, and some dating services allow you to indicate you are polyamorous. This is one way of finding people who are already polyamorous or looking for a polyamorous partner.

2. Reconnaissance

If your social situation requires more discretion, you might want to move a little slower. The task of introducing the idea of polyamory to a current or potential sweetie can be intimidating. Find out about how the person feels about sexual diversity before bringing it up in a personal sense.

Paying attention to what people say and don't say, and how, when discussing certain topics can help one infer some important things about how someone is likely to react to someone coming out as poly to them.

There's much more at the link, so check it out your if you're at all interested.

Nobody, polyamorous or not, should assume a relationship is monogamous. Conditions like that are determined by explicit mutual consent. Nobody should agree to, or promise monogamy if it isn't a reasonable likelihood they are going to be monogamous.