Reality: They might. That also means they might not.
Some people experiencing Genetic Sexual Attraction report that their feelings have lasted years while they avoided any sexual contact. Others report their feelings changing after sharing a sexual relationship. Still others report the feelings endure with intensity in an ongoing consanguinamorous relationship. There are other possibilities as well.
It is common for feelings to evolve in any relationship. Polyamorists often talk about New Relationship Energy and Old Relationship Energy. Most people know that relationships can often start with infatuation that may not last, and may or may not be replaced with other feelings.
It appears to be very rare for GSA to evaporate away by simply ignoring it. Family and friends who tell someone experiencing GSA to just forget about it or ignore it may mean well, but they're not aware of just how overwhelming it can be. Even people who recognize the person to which they’re attracted is bad news, even abusive, may still feel drawn intensely to them. This is yet another reason why GSA needs to be decriminalized, brought out of the shadows, and dealt with seriously and respectfully.
See Myth: Sex Will Always Ruin These Relationships
See Myth: If Only They'd Known Ahead of Time, GSA Wouldn't Have Happened
Advocating for the right of consenting adults to share and enjoy love, sex, residence, and marriage without limits on the gender, number, or relation of participants. Full marriage equality is a basic human right.
Monday, October 25, 2021
![Non-Monogamy Diagram [I:FV]](http://www.obsidianfields.com/lj/nonmonogamy2.5.1.gif){kind=link}
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12 comments:
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I have always been attracted to my cousin, the feeling is mutual, we grew up together as kids and was close as could be, we aren't so close these days but we still maintain regular contact, we both decided to never act upon the attraction even though we could do so legally if we so wished (legal in UK) I'm in my late 20's and she has just recently hit 30, I would say the attraction started in our early teens and hasn't gone away since after all these years, I think it's probably different for everyone but I also think this scenario and more happen quite often in families, I always felt ashamed of my feelings for my cousin but after going to Google and finding thus website, I have found a new perspective, I still wouldn't act on my attraction but it's nice to know I am a normal human being arter all, this website does some great work in supporting those who are having human rights taken away from them and being villified in the process, hats off to you Keith for doing such a splendid job.
ReplyDeleteI have only recently discovered this website and I find it so good. I love my sister and I need to have the courage to tell her, Keith's advice has been so good. We are both in our 50's , I am the older by a couple of years.
DeleteYes, as the first commented said, hats off to you, Keith. My cousin and I were not exactly estranged when I was a kid (hes older; he was about 15 when I was born), but he lived states away and we didn't spent much time together either. We were "reunited" right about the time I was hitting sexual maturity and the circumstances of our lives allowed that we do whatever we wanted with each other without anyone else knowing for quite some time. It was great fun. We are still together, and better than ever. However, this whole time I have been drowning in guilt... tryign to overcome that really sucked a lot, but this blog is making it easier for me to be happy.. And I am really analyzing my own biases against people who marry or have sex with their relatives... I used to be freaked out by it, but people should be able to do what they want to do, as long as they are not harming anyone else.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on your love and thanks for your kind words
DeleteI have had an attraction to a family member for years. I thought it might go away if I found some other guy to love. I dated several men, but never developed a serious relationship with any of them because my feelings for my family member never went away.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, is your family member aware? Write me directly at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com and we can discuss further.
DeleteHi. I'm writing because I read the line, "Reality: They might. That also means they might not." After years of struggling with a deep love for my own daughter and a yearning to really connect on a deeper level, I can attest that the feelings don't always go away if you ignore them. Those feelings have only festered and they eat at me every time my adult daughter comes to visit. These are feelings I don't dare act on as she seems to hold no reciprocal feelings. So I routinely return to this blog so I don't feel so alone with my feelings. I think it's the unusual circumstances of my relationship with her that causes the confusion that I feel today. When she was born, I was told over and over that she wasn't my child and her mother moved her out of state. A year or two later, she returned and her mother and I married. I vowed to care for this little girl. We bonded and I kept in mind that she wasn't my child. I guess this is why I never formed the father/daughter bond that usually keeps incestuous feelings at bay. However since I did raise her and acted as her father all this time, she did form that bond. Years passed and through a divorce, a DNA test was done confirming she was my daughter. Excited that I was her biological father, I tried harder to be more father like. We played, bonded and grew a really close relationship. The feelings of love never hit until she was almost an adult and I began to look at her as a possible partner in life as I spent so much time away from her as a child, I wanted a way to be with her and for her as much as I could. Now, due to society I often sit and feel ashamed of those feelings that won't go away. I know she doesn't feel the same and when I really try to analyze my feelings, I just feel like all the labels that society has put on people in my position. I don't even know why I am writing all of this, but it does help to get it off my chest as there is no one I can talk to about it that would understand. So I guess, in short, no. Some times those feelings don't go away.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm glad if this blog is some help. Your feelings are natural, even if a lot of people would condemn you for having them. There's nothing wrong with you having these feelings. And it is good that you respect her boundaries, which may never change. Of course, that means they also might. I wouldn't organize my life around that possibility, though. You are always welcome to comment and to email me.
DeleteThanks Keith. While I know there is nothing wrong with the way I feel, it's nice to hear some reassurance. I am feeling much better today. I guess the best way to explain the way I feel to someone, is to consider how homosexuals felt in the 1950's...and even some today. Not only is it hard to express these feelings of love, but it even feels criminal. Even though specific situations may never pan out, and feelings never reciprocated, it would at least be nice to express them out loud rather than private circles of like minded individuals.
ReplyDeleteFour years later. The feelings for my daughter are still the same.
ReplyDeleteIt's a constant suffering without cure.
@Anon above I can relate to your feelings. I have and have always had an attraction to my father. He never touched me or abused me or anything while I was a child so I don't know where it came from. At one time as a teenager I wanted him to touch me but I was so scared because of the consequences involved. I suppressed those feelings for over 20 years. Now I'm in my early 40s and those feelings are back but with a vengeance. I want to tell him but he's married now and he has allowed his wife to mistreat me in the past.
ReplyDeleteWhy are these feelings still here? Why do I want to have sex with this man even after his wife has mistreated me.. even with his consent.
How should I, if at all approach this? We don't talk and we really can't since his wife is the gatekeeper. She screens all of his calls and possibly his emails as well.
Hi, are you looking for a family with benefits situation or do you want to be with your dad in a relationship? ( I'm not Keith )
ReplyDelete