Elizabeth is deeply in love with man in her life, but not only are they currently denied their right to marry, but they have to hide their love for each other or risk harsh prejudice and even prosecution.
She was generous enough with her time to provide this great interview.
Read this interview and ask yourself if there is one good reason their rights should be denied. (Please note that some the interview includes detailed descriptions of lovemaking and graphic thoughts during lovemaking.)
FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe your background.
Elizabeth: I'm 37, I live in the eastern US, I am the mother of one son, he's 18 and will be 19 in March. I work in commercial real estate. My son is in college. I currently live alone, my son stays with me on weekends.
FME: Describe how you had your son and why you gave him up for adoption.
I became pregnant at 18, and gave birth shortly after I was 19. I decided to give him up for adoption shortly after I found out I was pregnant. I don't believe in abortion and knew I couldn't raise him on my own. I was only with his father for one night. I'm not proud of that, and it bothers me to think I can't tell my son about his father, because I don't know much about him myself.
FME: Describe how you met or were reunited with your son.
He was asked by his adoptive parents if he wanted to know about his biological mother and he told them he did. They told him my name and he searched for me when he was about 17. It took him a year but when he found my address he sent a letter and then we talked on the phone and by email. We arranged to meet when he had a week off from school in the spring.
FME: What was that first meeting with each other like? What kind of feelings were you experiencing?
I was nervous. We had talked on the phone and by email for several months, but I was still anxious. I had all these thoughts going through my head. What do I say? What should I do? The day before he arrived at times I was so nervous I was shaking. He arrived at my house earlier than planned; he was supposed to get there the next day, so when I opened the door, I didn't expect it would be him. When I saw him, all my worry just vanished in an instant. I was so happy to finally meet him I couldn't stop talking or sit still for a second.
FME: When/how did sexual affection become a part of your relationship?
I realized soon after I met him how handsome I thought he was. At first I thought, of course you think he's handsome, he's your son, all mothers feel that way. Later on I started realizing I didn't just think he was handsome, I thought he was sexy. At first I put the idea in the back of my mind, and didn't want to acknowledge it. But I was acting on it, I was actually flirting with him. I would do whatever I thought was sexy, I would flip my hair, or lick my lips. I was even wearing more revealing clothing and trying to push my breasts out or show my legs whenever I was near him. And I was touching him, a lot, I would hold his hand, or rub his arm or leg, and when we would hug I was trying to pull him into me. But even though I was doing all this, I wasn't considering sex with him; well not consciously. But I realize now that subconsciously that's what I wanted, and I was acting on that. I thought I was doing all this so he would like me, but I really wanted him to like me as a woman, and not just because I was his mother. I wanted him to find me desirable. And that was because I really did want to be with him physically, even if I didn't think of it or acknowledge it. I know now that's what I was pushing for: sex. I just wanted to have this particular man in me, because I wanted who he is, deep inside of who I am, in every way possible, physically, emotionally and spiritually. And I knew only sex could bring us together in that way.
I don't know if he was considering sex before it happened, although he's told me he found me very attractive when we met, and he was struggling with his feelings because he thought I was hot, and felt guilty for feeling that way.
FME: Can you describe your feelings during that event? Many people brought together through Genetic Sexual Attraction say it is the best relationship and best sex they’ve ever experienced. Have you found that to be true for you?
The feelings I had the first time are hard to describe: a mixture of excitement and nervousness. It was a lot like the way I felt when I lost my virginity. My head was reeling with desire and emotion, and one half of my brain had all these questions like, Is this really going to happen? Am I ready for this? Should I go through with it? and the other half of my brain was thinking, just relax and enjoy this, it's what you want. I never thought it was possible before that, and once it was possible, the idea of it was so new and strange that I sort of didn't know how to deal with it. But I feel my decision to allow it to happen was one of the best decisions I ever made.
I agree with those people who say it's the best relationship and best sex ever. I totally understand why they think that as well. I see sex as a way to connect with someone in a very meaningful way, and it's the closest physical relationship you can have with a person. So for me, to have that with the person I'm closest to emotionally is literally mind-blowing. I also see sex with my son as therapeutic; I think being separated from a family member creates these psychological and physical wounds. For me, the only thing that helped heal the wounds was the physical and emotional intimacy that comes from sex. And I truly understand the term making love, because I feel that's what we're really doing. I admit sometimes it's fun, and maybe a little erotic, but it's never just sex, it's always "making love". Another woman said that being intimate with her son gave her this “sense of being fulfilled” and I know what she means. I felt the same way, my whole life I had lost all the men I loved, all of my past relationships had failed, I was getting older and for a while I didn't think I would ever find love. But the moment he entered me I knew I found the love I had been missing. It was like the void in my life had been filled, and strange as it sounds, it was my son's c--- that filled it. I feel like sex was the thing that completely reunited us and gave me the feeling that we're back together, and we'll never be apart again.
FME: Describe your relationship now. How long have you been together?
We have been together for a little less than a year. Our relationship is stronger than any other I've had. It gets better every day, because our relationship is new enough that we discover something new almost everyday, but it's been going on long enough so we both know what the other likes and we're comfoftable enough with each other and not afraid to be ourselves.
FME: Do you see each other as mother/son or lovers, or are those two roles inseparable at this point?
Are you family-with-benefits, soulmates, what?
I see us as both. I see him as my son, and I want to take care of him, and want the best for him, and I also see him as my lover, and when he's not around I miss him, and fantasize about him. In the same day I think about making his favorite food for dinner, because I want to do something nice for my son, and I think about wearing something sexy for him later when we're in bed. So I guess you could say we're like family-with-benefits, but I also feel he's my soulmate, I can't imagine life with any other man.
FME: How would you describe the lovemaking?
I realize most people would find the idea of sex with a family member very strange and repulsive. But for me, the fact that he's my son doesn't hinder the intimacy, in fact, I thnk because of the deep emotional bond we have, it enhances the intimacy. Most people realize sex with someone you love is so much greater than sex with someone you don't, and there's no man on Earth I love more than him, and when we make love all those feelings I have just rush to the surface, and the emotions seem to increase the physical sensations. It's beyond incredible. Sex with other men was like running through sprinklers in summer, sex with my son is like jumping into a cold pool on a hot day, every nerve in my body is suddenly awakended and pushed to the edge. During our lovemaking, one of the best parts for me is when my son has an orgasm, because watching and feeling him do that inside me gives me this emotional high unlike anything else.
FME: Does anyone in your life know the full, true nature/history of your relationship?
Nobody knows the full nature of our relationship. Part of me hates that. I want to tell everyone, because I'm so happy with him, and I love him so much and it bothers me that I have to keep something so great a secret, like the greatest thing to ever happen to me is something to be ashamed of. And part of me would prefer to keep it secret because I know it's so much easier and safer for both of us that way.
FME: Are you able to act like a couple in public... does anyone know you as a couple but not as mother/son?
We have gone on little vacations as a couple, and will act like a couple if we're someplace where nobody knows us. A woman I befriended on one of these trips just assumed we were a couple from our behavior, and because I'm twice my son's age, she complimented me on being unafraid to date a younger man. We kept in touch and I want to tell her the truth about us, but am afraid of losing her friendship.
FME: What kind of steps, if any, have you had to take to keep your privacy?
We're careful to avoid physical contact if we're with anyone who knows us, or in public near my home. I think the secrecy is the biggest disadvantage about the relationship; I hate the sneaking around.
FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your relationship, or disapprove of anyone having this kind of relationship?
I have nothing to say to those people. They are as troublesome to me as a cloudy day, and they are the same kinds of people who would deny gays the right to marry or live together, even though their lives are not affected by any of it. They want to push their own moral code onto everyone else. They are not even worthy of my attention.
FME: What's your reply to those who would say that this is a mother preying on a son (and that he can’t really consent)?
That is so far from the truth. I actually talked with my son about his feelings after we were together, he said he was never happier. He changed his life to move closer to me, and ended his relationship with his girflriend at the time because he knew he wanted to be with me more than anyone. We were also both adults when this started, our relationship is as far from child abuse as rape is from consensual sex.
FME: There are some who have experienced GSA who discourage others from having any sexual involvement. Do you have anything to say about that?
Just because it wasn't right for them, doesn't mean it isn't right for everyone. You have to make your own decisions, and it might sound cliché, but you have to follow your heart. When every part of your body is crying out for that one person, maybe you should act on it, and don't let anyone else decide how you live your life. Don't get scared off by someone else's horror story.
FME: Aside from the law, can you think of anything that would make relationships like this inherently wrong?
Honestly, no. Nothing.
FME: If you could get legally married, and that included protections against discrimination, harassment, etc., would you?
Yes, in an instant.
FME: What advice do you have for someone who may be experiencing feelings for a genetic relative? What advice do you have for family members and friends who think or know that relatives they know are having these feelings for each other?
For those experiencing feelings for a relative I would say don't feel ashamed or guilty, you're not sick or weird for feeling this way.
To those who know someone who has these feelings, try not to be judgemental. I know society has this thing that says it's wrong to even think this way, but don't listen to that, think about how you feel about that person. Are they a good person? Do you care about them and love them? If so, that's more important than what society thinks, and hopefully it will help you be more sympathetic to their feelings.
FME: Do you know in-person others who have had relationships like yours, or do you only know them online?
I have talked to a woman online who's in a relationship with her brother, they also met later in life, and are a GSA couple, but I don't know anyone in real life in a relationship with a family member.
FME: Anything else you want to add?
I know society has this thing that says that we're bad, but there was a time when society saw slavery as an acceptable labor source, and not that long ago society considered gays as perverts. So I hope people remember that when they encounter a relationship between family members. Society isn't the best judge of what's acceptable and appropriate. And things change and so do people's attitudes. I hope one day relationships like mine will be accepted, I don't expect it will happen anytime soon but I hope it happens.
There you have it. Two consenting adults, sharing an intense love, denied their right to marry and having to hide their love for each other. Why? There’s no good reason. We need to adopt full marriage equality sooner rather than later, so that an adult is free to marry any consenting adults. Real people are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.
You can read other interviews I have done here.
If you are in a relationship like this and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.
If you are a family member or friend of someone who is in or may be in such a relationship, please read this.
Thank you to Elizabeth and the man who'd be her legal husband (if it wasn't for bigotry) for sharing their situation with us.