Be Careful What You Say About Consanguinamory

Be careful what you say about consanguinamory, because you might be saying something hateful about someone you love. What's more, you might be saying something hateful about yourself!

Everybody has their own prejudices and biases. It is good when logic, reason, science, and compassion overcome bigotries.

An example of how bigotries are irrational is when people condemn consanguinamory but they do things that could mean they have already had a positive experience with consanguinamory.

What do I mean?

Consider this. Unless you’ve compared DNA tests with every person with whom you’ve had sex, there’s a chance, no matter how small, you’ve already had sex with a close genetic relative and you didn’t even know it. 

Even if you know both of your biological parents and they really are your genetic parents, which isn’t the case for some of you, the one with the eggs might have had a child before having you or the siblings you know and adopted that child out, or donated eggs. Your parent with the sperm might have had one night stands, flings, or even ongoing relationships that produced children (and might not even know about them!) from teenage years to beyond 19 years ago, or may have donated sperm. Your parents may have even donated embryos (and kept it quiet that they were seeing a fertility specialist).

It’s highly likely you don’t know everything your parents did before they got together or everything they’ve done since, together or individually. Secret affairs and agreements to nonmonogamy are realities, and not realities you may now everything about when it comes your parents.

You also don’t know everything your aunts and uncles have done, even if you really do know all of your aunts and uncles. You could have first cousins you don’t even know about. Second cousins, even more likely there are some you don’t know, or at least wouldn’t recognize if you were with them in-person.

I got to thinking about this because I remember reading comments in a forum from couple of different swingers who reacted negatively to consanguinamory at a party, or even just close relatives being at the same party, not even interacting with each other. The more parties they’ve been to, the more likely it is these swingers have witnessed consanguinamory, even been turned on by it, and didn’t even know. And while some swingers only have sex with someone they’ve known well and for a long time, if they haven’t compared DNA they might be with a half sibling, cousin, or whatever, even an aunt, uncle, niece, nephew, or parent. And the more people they (or anyone) have been with, especially casually, the more likely they’ve been with a relative.

I'm not picking on swingers. It's just an example. Someone could have only one sexual partner at a time, inside of long-term relationships, and still be with a close relative without even knowing about, especially since close genetic relatives who aren't raised together are often very strongly attracted to each other.

None of this is to say everyone should compare DNA before they have sex. Rather, the point is that it doesn’t matter when it comes to sexual affection. All that matters is that those involved are consenting. Laws and prejudices should adjust accordingly.

Rather than throwing others under the bus, demonstrate solidarity. How? Learn to say things like “Consenting adults should be free to share affections, kinks, and fetishes as they mutually agree, even if  what they are doing isn’t my thing.”