Why Many Lovers Look Alike

A recent article at time.com by Jamie Ducharme explores and explains something you may have noticed and studies have backed up: Many people are attracted to people who look like them. As we point out, who looks more like you than a close relative? This might help explain why reunion Genetic Sexual Attraction happens.

In 2016, Olivia Brunner, like millions of Americans, decided to take an at-home DNA test. But Brunner wasn’t motivated by pure curiosity. She bore a striking resemblance to her then-boyfriend, Greg — from their hair colors and complexions down to their facial expressions — and for years, people had commented that they looked related. She needed to confirm, for her own peace of mind, that they weren’t — especially since she had been adopted as a baby.

If you've been having a wonderful relationship with someone for years, why should that stop just because you found a close genetic relation? It doesn't change who that person has been to you. It doesn't change the experiences you've had together. It does mean that societal prejudices, in some places still enshrined in unconstitutional law, may come into play, but it's tragic if that ends a good relationship.

Their worries turned out to be for nothing, and the New Hampshire couple married last year.

It would have been illegal for them to marry anywhere in the US if they had been half siblings, and it would be criminal for them to have sex in 47 states. About half of the state wouldn't have married them if they were first cousins, and a handful of those states would through them in jail for having sex. That's how ridiculous the laws still are.

More recently, social media has amplified romantic doppelgängers through viral posts and channels like the Tumblr Boyfriend Twin, which celebrates gay couples who resemble each other. But how do so many lookalikes end up together in the first place? 

Despite the old notion that opposites attract, Indianapolis-based social psychologist Justin Lehmiller, who is a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute and author of Tell Me What You Want, says people naturally gravitate toward people who are familiar, even though the whole process is likely subconscious. There are some traits that work best in a relationship when they’re balanced out by an opposing partner — like dominance and submissiveness — but, by and large, “what is familiar to us tends to be what we like and are drawn to,” even if we’re not explicitly aware of it, Lehmiller says. 

That phenomenon extends to appearance. “You’re familiar with your own appearance, so seeing other people who share those similar sorts of traits might lead to more liking for that reason,” he says.

This is natural. Why is something natural and harmless discriminated against?

One 2013 study found that to be true. In the experiment, people were shown images of their romantic partner’s face that had been digitally altered to include some features from another face — either random other faces, or the study participant’s own face. Both male and female participants consistently rated the composite that included their own face as the most attractive. 

An earlier study reached a similar finding about composite images — and also found that people were subliminally attracted to features of their opposite-sex parent. 

Most people are attracted to people who look like them. (Others, quite the opposite.) Who looks more like you than a close relative? If people are mutually attracted, nobody should try to deny them their right to be together however they mutually agree. This is one of many reasons we need full marriage equality and relationship rights for all. Before DNA tests, there were people who were unaware of their close genetic relation got together and never found out they were closely related.