Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Teach Your Children Well

LaSara Firefox Allen wrote about teaching children about sex as part of sex-positive parenting.

Why does “family friendly” translate to “devoid of any sexual content”?

How are we supposed to have an open conversation with our kids about sex when we can’t have a rational conversation about it as adults?

Good questions.

But here’s the simple truth; we have bodies. We have sex. And according to science, sex is good, and good for us!

Our culture is saturated with sexualized images. It’s drenched in sexual terminology. Sexual energy is a foundational part of social interaction.

Not all of these things are always positive. Many sexualized images are not sex-positive, and much of the sexual terminology at play in the social lexicon of the schoolyard is down-right negative.

But in our blanket negation of sexual expression as part of a healthy life, or even a healthy spiritual reality, we in effect take ourselves out of the conversation.

Not a good thing.

But a question you may want to ask yourself is, “Where do I want my kid getting his/her information about sex from?”

The best tool we can offer our children is sexual literacy.

Sexual literacy begins with awareness and appropriate education. The information you hand down to your child will inevitably be flavored by your own values, morals and ethics. So the more clear you are on what those values, ethics, and morals are, the more consciously you will be able to help your child gain literacy, and develop their own ethical structure.

Parents are often uncomfortable with the sexuality of their children (and likewise, children often are when it comes to that of their parents). But it is child neglect to try to shield children from all knowledge of sex. I’m not talking about sitting a five-year-old down who had been busy coloring and explaining intercourse, but rather, as the writer of the piece does, answering questions asked with truthful, age-appropriate answers.

Please note that there is a difference between discussing sex and relationships with your children in a way that will make the informed, independent adults capable of making good decisions… and grooming your children to be your sexual or emotional prey, just as there is a difference between affection and molestation. As my readers know, I do not think it is problematic if an independent adult develops something with a parent.

Also, see my recent answer to “Is There Any Sexuality You Don’t Support?”
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  1. Cool!! I hope to see the interview you messaged me about, up soon!

    Anyway this actually reminded me of something that happened today.

    I was talking to a friend, who is like in her senior years, about how I just feel like there isn't as much separation of church and state in the U.S as there should be.

    I asked her if she had ever seen the show Sister Wives, she said no (I havne't either I just know it's about a poly relationship)but she knew that polygamy was still illegal.
    She started to get a little defensive saying that "God made man and woman for one another as monogamy." (But she did agree that it was other people's choice to do it if they wanted.)

    I tried to keep the converstation cool and add the fact that not everyone believes in that God, and that some people just prefer polygamy.

    Well anyway, she started saying how she didn't agree with them having a show on public t.v. as she didn't want "kids" being exposed to it. I felt that was rather judgmental. But I didn't argue so much with that fact. But when she said something about 'isn't that show like almost sibling rivalry?' I told her that if she is comfortable with seeing it she should and she could maybe learn why these people feel the way they do. In the end she agreed with that and to the fact that she just really didn't know anymore xD

    But still, about the whole kids thing, it's like parents today trying to keep their kids "straight." It's just not really right :/ Don't be hatin on other relationships peeps especially when you didn't actually take the time to look into them. (Then again, I haven't looked too much into polygamy, I guess it just really doesn't strike me as that interesting, but I still support them)

  2. Wow, cool! Thanks for the mention of my article.

    I want to let people know that I'm offering workshops on Sex-Positive Parenting. I have one coming up in Portland, OR, on Aug 4, and am looking for folks to register! So if any of you readers are in the PDX area, please come on out!

    Peace and passion.

    1. Thank YOU for checking in, commenting, and the work you do.


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