Monday, May 7, 2012

Holding Hands is Better Than Slapping Them

There's a of thought-provoking and stimulating material to be found on, and perhaps no other social networking or blog site illustrates more clearly that those who want to box everyone's identity and relationships into narrow little tracks are losing their grip on the people. Here's just another example.
I would like to address something i’ve noticed that exists within every community, but seems especially rife within alternative communities such as the kink community, the polyamory community, the queer community, etc. There is this whole strain of self-policing which questions people’s identities or abilities to identify as part of that community because of actions which they do or do not take part in.

To explain further, I am considering actions here to be voluntary acts that are deemed “neccessary” by some in a community, which creates self-policing and exclusion. Take, for example, sexual acts. Everybody has their own preferences. Likes, dislikes. Things they will only do in a relationship, or things they need to get off. I want to stress that there is no right or wrong preferences, only individual needs.
Solidarity, not division, is the way to go. We don't define another person's identity; only that person knows their feelings. We can support and respect each other, even though we don't feel the same things or may not even understand one another's feelings.

How silly do these sound (and yes, I’ve really heard/seen them said more than once):
  • No submissive has the right to say no! If you say no to something, you’re not really submissive!
  • If you don’t go down on a girl, you’re not really a lesbian. (Insert oral sex act/ sexual orientation as you will). 
  • Feminists don’t shave their body hair! If you shave your body hair you are clearly not a feminist. 
  • You can’t really be into BDSM because you don’t mix it with sexual activity, and BDSM is about sex.
  • How can you consider yourself polyamorous if you only have one partner? Polyamory means you have to have multiple partners so if you only have one you are not poly.
  • You don’t look queer because you are too femme/straight looking. 
It's a very well written entry. Let's not pick at each other over what we do or do not do; let's join together in standing up for the rights of every one of us to be who we are and do what we want to do, and love who we love how we want to love them.
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