Monday, April 2, 2012

Discovering Polyamory and Being Empowered

Ichi Vazquez writes in “Love Without Boundaries” about what polyamory has brought to her life.

I spotted my boyfriend coming toward me with open arms, sweeping me up into a fierce hug.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been planning this,” he said, laughing with relief and happiness. I pulled him into a deep, sweet kiss of gratitude. Through the frenzy of hugs and happy chatter, I saw my secondary partner, who had driven hours up to the city to stay the weekend and be a part of the surprise. Thrilled that he was there, I kissed him lovingly.

I turned my head and rested it on his chest as my eyes found my boyfriend’s gaze near the front of the room. He stared at me adoringly as I was being held by my other partner, and my eyes silently sent him waves of joy and love. I felt so immensely cared for - the combination of being held by one man I adored and receiving space to enjoy myself from the man I loved. This was pure happiness…

She was raised to be monogamous and not find out if she was fully compatible with the one man she was supposed to marry; the only man with whom she was supposed to have any affection.

These social rules governed the way I looked, felt and interacted with others. But when you don’t know that it is your birthright to love and express your emotions in whatever way your heart desires, how is one supposed to discover that there are infinite choices?

We will all be better off when people can freely choose the relationships in which they can best function/

Discussing which rules I wanted to follow in my relationships gave me a greater sense of freedom, empathy and empowerment — not just in my connections with others, but also within myself. I was an equal on a team, a life adventurer — not a subordinate or a passive participant. For the first time, I truly felt like I was living out subconscious curiosities that were coming from the deepest recesses of my heart.

It can be very empowering to find the relationships that fit you, rather than trying to be something or someone you are not.
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