Thursday, April 28, 2011

Benefits From Polyamory

At Steve Pavlina’s website, there’s this discussion about experience with polyamory. Velorien reported…

I entered my second triad a few months ago. My partner of five years (F) is a heterosexual, strictly monoamorous woman (i.e. she hasn't been seriously interested in any other men since she fell in love with me), while I'm a (mostly) heterosexual, strongly polyamorous man. Our new partner (R) is a bisexual, moderately polyamorous woman - we've both known her for five years as friends.

He lists some of the benefits…

Benefit 1) A lot of extra love. It may be obvious, but it's worth saying. Each person in the triad is loved by two people. When all three of us are together, no matter what we're doing, it makes us even happier than when it's just one of the dyads.

Benefit 2) Extra support. Each of us has two people with a deep interest in our welfare and a commitment to support us. Even if two of us have a conflict, it is possible for the third to support both in resolving it in a loving fashion. This has happened, and made life a lot easier for all concerned.

Benefit 3) Division of labour. Our interests and beliefs overlap a lot, but there are some things which we may not want to do with one person but can do with the other. I share my spiritual beliefs with one partner but not the other. I am more compatible sexually with one partner than the other. I have broad tastes in anime, and watch things with each partner that the other doesn't like. Likewise, I have no interest in music or singing, whereas F and R are former and current choir girls respectively who enjoy going to concerts together.

Benefit 4) Accelerated personal growth. While this is not an absolute rule of human relationships, I find it a lot easier to get to know a romantic partner deeply and quickly than a platonic friend. I'm still learning a lot from F, and I'm learning even faster from R because she has a lot of new things to share. I get to do both at the same time, and I get to pass on insights from each one to the other as they come.

There are plenty of other things as well.

Polyamorous people should have the right to pursue the relationships that benefit them, including marriage.
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