World AIDS Day

December 1 is World AIDS Day. It is very important to remember those we've lost to AIDS, to care for anyone battling AIDS, and to care for anyone with HIV.

We must continue to work for a cure and continue to fight the spread of HIV.

We should also never forget that stigmas, ignorance, bigotry, sex-negative attitudes and shaming helped spread HIV and AIDS.

Let's continue to work for a better culture in which people aren't shamed and marginalized for their sexuality, nor stigmatized for getting sick.

Happy Holidays! - Here They Come

We are heading into the holiday season. Happy Hanukkah to those who are observing or celebrating. 

Whatever holidays you celebrate, or even if you don't celebrate any, we wish you a fabulous season full of warmth and love, especially after a year that has been tough for so many of us. Be safe!!!

May you and your loved ones have peace, health, and happiness.

I plan to update this blog as I can over the next few weeks, so keep checking back. Or better yet, subscribe (Follow) in the column over there on the right (for those of you looking at the web version)  if you haven't done so yet.

As a reminder, if you need someone to talk with or you just want to say hello to Keith, you can do so, as always, by emailing fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com or message him on Wire at fullmarriageequality or on Facebook.

Thanksgiving Time

This US national holiday always falls on the fourth Thursday of November. This year, that's November 25.

Things might still be different for many because they won't be travelling or won't be getting together, because of the lingering risks of spreading COVID-19.

Thanksgiving Day has been, in most years, a huge holiday in the US, centered mainly around a special family meal. In case you haven't noticed, Americans like to eat a lot. Since Thanksgiving is always on a Thursday, Friday is a holiday as well (at least as far as the government is concerned). Because Thanksgiving is considered to specifically be about family togetherness, it can be a painful time for those who have been rejected by their family because of their gender identity, sexual orientation, relationship orientation, or choice in partner(s). Some LGBTQ people, polyamorous people, and those in consanguineous, intergenerational, or interracial relationships are reminded every year that even their own family hates them.

Some people make the best of this and plan a Thanksgiving meal with friends. I throw out a special “good for you” to anyone who has ever hosted a meal like that. Keep up the good work! I think such gatherings are much more enjoyable anyway. If you don't have one to go to next year, consider hosting your own!

But I also have words for anyone who has driven away or banned someone in their family because of that other family member’s identity, orientation or partner(s): Shame on you. You don’t have to like your family member’s sexuality or how they live. But you should reach out to them and support them instead of driving them away. Every person at that table does things you don’t like. Why single out a family member for punishment because of who they are or who they love? If your family member has a partner whose family is more accepting, guess who is going to win? Guess who is going to get to play with any grandkids/nieces/nephews? Not you. Think about it. Maybe it isn't too late to make amends and have them over for this year's holiday. This might help.

If you're feeling alone this time, please know that there are people who care. I care! Feel free to comment below or reach out to me.

Some of you are home or will be going home. Do you have any special plans for this holiday week? Are you going to be coming out, or trying to start or rekindle something with someone special? You can comment (anonymously, if you'd like) below or write an email at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.

Sharing Affection Doesn't Have to Be Limited

This comment was submitted on this blog's sister Tumblr...

Anonymous asked:

I go to a message board that is for lgbt people (but mostly lesbian & bi women). There was one user that got piled on because she said that as a lesbian the only man she would feel comfortable being intimate with was her dad. She did NOT even say she had done it, just that she would not say no to the idea. I might direct other users to this blog so they can learn not all sex is based on sexual attraction. A lesbian being intimate with her father has nothing to do with “sexual orientation”.

Here's my response...

It’s too bad she was attacked for being honest about a natural desire or possibility.

People share sex for many valid reasons in addition to sexual orientation.

Do people honestly think that, when a relationship has lasted decades, that everyone in the relationship has been sexually attracted to the other person(s) each and every time they’ve had sex over those decades? Heck no! But sometimes they do it for other reasons, like wanting to share affection with that person, and usually, they’ve all had a great time as a result.

It’s up to each individual whether or not they consent. If they do consent, nobody else should interfere. If they don’t consent, they shouldn’t be coerced into participating. If someone generally attracted to women consents to share affection with a man, that’s not a problem.

Who better to experiment with or share affection with than someone with whom you already have a bond of love?

Always feel free to send people my way.

Polyamory Day

November 23 is Polyamory Day!

I am polyamorous, but even if I wasn’t, we should all support the rights of all, including the rights of polyamorous people.

Polyamory is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one loving intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

The image reads: November 23 is Polyamory Day. Celebrate!

Feel free to share this image anywhere that’s appropriate as long as you’re doing so in support of polyamory and polyamorous people. 

Let consenting adults love each other how they mutually agree!

Lovers in the UK Discover They Can’t Exercise Their Rights

This comment came in and I wanted to address it here…

Hi we're in desperate need of help and dont know what way to turn, My parents divorced when I was very young and I didn't know my father, my partner's father died in 1997, we've been in a very happy relationship for the past year and the subject of marriage has been mentioned, however over the past few days while researching our family's tree we discovered that we have the same father, we love each other and our feelings have not changed but we now realise that we'll never be able to marry, we're in the uk and the law here says that half siblings cant marry, can anyone suggest any thing else we can do to show our love for each other ie a non legal ceremony or something similar, thankyou

First of all, each situation is unique and anyone with anything similar should feel free to email me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com. I won’t share anything you tell me privately with anyone else, unless you give me permission. I might be of more help, customized help, and help on an ongoing basis that way.

Next… do not reveal what you’ve discovered to anyone, at least not for now.

Until the laws of the UK catch up to full marriage equality, then yes, this is going to be an issue.

I don’t know how it works in the UK, but in at least some places in the US, some half siblings have been able to “legally” marry because the state (county) determined eligibility through their birth certificates, and their birth certificates didn’t show a shared parent. However, if the authorities were to discover the truth, the marriage would be invalidated and it could become a criminal matter.

Also in the US, people are free to have ceremonies that aren’t legally binding. None of the guests at weddings check to see if there is an actual valid government marriage license.

Of course, you can have a small private ceremony anywhere, as long as the wrong people aren’t informed.

There are half siblings living as spouses in the UK. I know some. Some have also hired an estate planning and/or family law attorney to create paperwork for them that provides as many of the legal aspects of marriage for them as possible, without actually being legally married. For example, they are reciprocal beneficiaries, and if one ends up in the hospital, the other can visit and make decisions for them, they have joint financial accounts, etc. If you go this route, do not tell the attorney you are half siblings who are having sex with each other. No attorney needs to know you are lovers, just that you want to be responsible for each other primarily, before any other relatives. 

You might want to consider moving to a country or jurisdiction in which half siblings are not criminalized for being lovers. France, Spain, many more countries, and three US states are included in that. However, the vast majority of half siblings living as spouses in the UK will never be subjected to a criminal investigation of the matter, thankfully. 

Again, do contact me privately so we can discuss this further.

For anyone who wants more information on reunion Genetic Sexual Attraction, read this.

Transgender Day of Remembrance

Today, especially, we remember transgender people killed by hatred and ignorance. It's the Transgender Day of Remembrance.

For all transgender people reading this:

We value you. You are valid. You deserve to live your life free of prejudice, free of being attacked for who you are.

We are going to help make things better sooner rather than later.

Consanguinamory Is Definitely Not Abuse

Anonymous submitted this at this blog's sister Tumblr...

As a survivor of abuse by a relative I find it insulting when people compare situations like mine to consang relationships. To compare my trauma to a loving relationship. I fully support consang relationship and don't understand people who look at them and see what happened to me.

It wasn't them being my family that made them abusive it was their abusive behaviour. Blaming abuse on two people being related takes the blame away from the abusers and fails to recognise their actions.

Lurking in the consang community has helped me come to terms with my abuse. I had a lot of self hatred as I have felt attracted to family members at times and hated myself for becoming like my abuser but the community has helped me recognise that those feelings are miles away from abuse. So thank you to the online community for HELPING a survivor.

Here was my reply...

*****

This. This is an example of why I do what I do. I don’t accept payments. I don’t use advertising to get money. What I do is a labor of love, to help people. Letters like this are my reward.

Anonymous, I’m so sorry you were abused.

I’m so glad I and others have been some help to you.

Thank you so much for your support.

Thank you for your clarity and truth.

Thank you for reaching out with your comments.

Please feel free to write to me anytime.

You are a survivor. You are overcoming. More power to you!

*****

See this for more information about consanguinamory.

Ten Reasons Why Consensual Incest Is Wrong

1) Some people get abused by relatives. That makes consensual incest wrong the same way abuse/assault by non-relatives makes sex in general wrong.

2) Many people are disgusted by the idea. If something disgusts many people, it must be wrong for everybody! People are so disgusted by the possibility of having sex with a close relative that they always get DNA tests before having sex with anyone, to just be sure they aren’t having sex with a relative.

3) It increases the risks of birth defects, and anything that does that is wrong and shouldn’t be allowed, just like we don’t allow pre-menopausal women over the age of 35 to have sex, and we don’t let anybody with obvious, serious inheritable diseases have sex. Yup, this is why it is wrong for two half-brothers to fall in love, or why stepsiblings who didn’t even meet until they were teenagers shouldn’t be together. They might make a mutant baby!

4) It’s illegal in some places, and something being illegal always makes it wrong. You know, like harboring runaway slaves? That’s why having sex with your first cousin is wrong in Texas but just fine in almost every other US state, half of which legally marry first cousins, and why consensual incest between closer family members isn’t wrong in Rhode Island, which has no laws against consensual adult incest.

5) It’s not natural, and people should only be allowed natural things, like bicycles, smart phones, and iPads. OK, maybe it is natural in some species. But we shouldn’t lower ourselves to the behavior of other animals, who make wars and pollute the planet.

6) Someone’s religion is against it. And if someone’s religion is against it, nobody else should be able to do it. You’ll never find examples of acceptable consensual incest in the Bible.

7) There are so many people you’re not closely related to. That makes consensual incest (consanguinamory) wrong, just like there being plenty of people in your own race makes interracial relationships wrong.

8) Only rural poor people would ever do such a thing, not royals or educated people. And anything done by rural poor people is wrong.

9)There is often a power differential in consensual incestuous relationships, and relationships with power differentials are just wrong. That’s why no President of the United States, Senator, Governor, judge, district attorney, or police chief has ever been married, and we bar wealthy or intelligent people from marrying someone who isn’t as wealthy or intelligent as them. Yes, power differentials are exactly why half siblings close in age, even if they didn’t meet until they were adults, shouldn’t be allowed to be together.

10) It messes up family structures and dynamics. That’s why every family’s dynamics are always required to be evaluated and corrected by outsiders, and people are never allowed to break up if a breakup will mess up the dynamics of the family. And people are never allowed to work with family members, as that could cause conflicts or too much reliance on family. Yes, messing up a family dynamic is why genetic relatives who were raised by different families should never be allowed to be together.

Yup, we need to let all of those people who’ve found that a close relative makes the best life partner for them, or perhaps just a trustworthy sexual partner, know what they are doing is wrong and they should stop, and go settle for someone else, who I’m sure will be just fine being the B-list choice for someone who’d rather be with the person they see when the family gets together. People need to make sure they aren’t doing anything that makes anyone who’s not involved uncomfortable. That needs to come before their happiness.

This bit of sarcasm is brought to you by someone who supports the rights of ALL consenting adults to their relationships with any and all consenting adults.

Veterans Day

November 11 is the Veterans Day holiday in the US.

I can’t help but think of the men and women who risked their lives (and those who gave them) and endured so many things in service to their country, who weren’t and haven’t been free to be who they really are and share their lives openly with the person or persons they love.

Recent years have brought progress, and we have to fight to keep what we've gained while still looking for more progress. Problematic laws and policies remain, and, of course, LGBTQ people, the polyamorous, and consanguinamorous still endure the the threat of prosecution, persecution, or discrimination.

Shouldn’t someone who risked their life for this country be able to marry more than one person, or a biological relative? Or at least share a life with the person(s) he or she loves without a fear that their own government will be against them? Is bravery and valor negated if a man loves more than one woman, or his long lost sister? Shouldn’t a woman who served be free to marry both of the women she loves?

Let’s thank our veterans, some of whom were drafted into service, especially those who are still being treated as second class citizens.

Intersex Day of Solidarity

Today, November 8, and every day, we stand in solidarity with intersex people. 

It’s Intersex Day of Solidarity.

Our bodies, genders, orientations, and relationships are diverse. Every person should be free to be themselves and to share love, sex, and relationships if and as mutually agreed with others. This includes intersex people. 

Intersex people are not broken. We stand against discrimination against, and persecution of, our intersex friends, family, and neighbors.

Myth: People Only Experience GSA Because They’d Heard About It or Knew of Their Relation

Reality: There have been people who’ve experienced Genetic Sexual Attraction who were unaware of their genetic relation and had never heard of GSA before.

Trying to blame people for experiencing GSA can be like trying to blame someone for where they were born. 

Sons and daughters had no control over being placed in the circumstances that resulted in reunion GSA. Siblings usually didn’t either, although there are a few situations in which an older sibling, especially a half sibling, chose to be away from their younger sibling during the critical years of childhood, but it’s not immoral to, for example, go away to college or relocate for work or pleasure. While it is nice for family to visit, an adult older sibling has no moral obligation to make sure they are around their parent’s youngest child enough to ensure GSA doesn’t happen.

Genetic parents are more likely to have some control over the circumstances, but they don’t always. Some of them don’t even know they have a genetic child “out there” until that child, now an adult, shows up on their doorstep or in their online inbox.

GSA is a normal, natural reaction to the circumstances.

See Myth: If Only They'd Known Ahead of Time, GSA Wouldn't Have Happened

See Myth: It is Illegal Everywhere to Act on GSA

Casting Call For the Polyamorous

Are you polyamorous and interested in appearing in media?

I was contacted by someone who is working to cast a docu-series that will follow modern dating journeys. 

If you're polyamorous, you might want to check this out.

As always, I recommend being mindful of what media exposure will do for you personally (you might want to be cautious) and the benefits, if done right, it can have in making progress for the rights of all.

Myth: If Only They'd Known Ahead of Time, GSA Wouldn't Have Happened

Reality: There have been people who knew of their genetic relation and also knew about reunion Genetic Sexual Attraction, who were averse to the idea of sexual interaction between close genetic relatives, who have, nonetheless, experienced GSA.

The only way to be sure to avoid GSA is to either:

1) Never introduce/reunite genetic relatives raised apart, which is impossible given that they’ve been known to end up together without even intending to.

OR

2) Make sure they’re a regular part of each other’s life while growing up.

#2 May not be desirable for any number of reasons, but even close relatives who were raised together might end up having sexual interaction. For example, back in the 1970s studies revealed that about ten percent of people in their early twenties would admit to already having had (consensual, to be redundant) sexual contact with a sibling. This doesn’t even include contact with other close relatives. The percentage is probably higher today. While this usually doesn’t fall under what we define as GSA, it is still what people are worried about: close relatives enjoying each other sexually. So, avoiding the kind of distance that fosters GSA is still not an assurance that there will not be an attraction and/or some sexual interaction between close genetic relatives.

See Myth: GSA Feelings Will Go Away

See Myth: People Only Experience GSA Because They’d Heard About It or Knew of Their Relation