Saturday, November 10, 2018

An Open Letter To Those Bothered By Our Existence

Are you bothered by our presence here? Do you find it disagreeable that this blog advocates for the rights of ALL ADULTS to live out their gender, sexuality, and relationship diversities with mutually CONSENTING ADULTS, or by themselves if they prefer? Are you bothered even though we are clearly NOT talking about abuse of anyone, especially not children, and we have explained that equality for all will actually help decrease abuse?

This blog has many followers. Most of the feedback and reaction we get is very positive and appreciative. There is a need for what we’re doing.

If you are bothered by this blog, which is here to advocate for equality and civil rights for all adults, there are many ways you can choose to react, some good and some terrible:

Shrug and move on.

Block this blog in our browser so you won’t see it.

Comment or ask a question using the comment feature. It’s far better if your comment is reasonable and respectful rather that a crude expression of prejudice. Profanity-filled hate is unlikely to get published, at least not without a copy/paste/edit so people can see that opponents of equality have no good arguments.

Email fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.
Emailing to spew hatred isn’t very productive. But if you email to get clarifications or to have a serious discussion, that can be a good thing.

“Tattle to teacher” that you don’t like this blog.
This is one of the worst ways to react because it makes you a bigoted coward and you waste people’s time and look like an idiot, because there is nothing illegal, unethical, or a violation of the rules of the service to advocate for equal rights for all adults.

Discuss the issues on your own blog.
That can be a good way to handle your dislike, but only if do it with thoughtful consideration, not like a bigoted bully or with irrational blatherings, false associations, or cowardly trying to get others to “tattle to teacher” (which makes THEM look like idiots if they follow your command, especially if they haven’t checked things out for themselves). If you’re going to bring up a topic publicly, you should be willing to discuss it politely with someone with whom you disagree. If you denounce another blog by name or by reblogging/commenting on something from that blog, quoting that blog by name, or posting screenshots from that blog, you should be willing to allow reasonable responses without calling those responses threats or harassment. If you can’t handle that without having a crisis, it would be best to not involve others in the first place. Don’t be a bully or a coward. Don’t pick arguments and then stick your fingers in your ears.

Calmly ask yourself WHY you are bothered.
Be honest with yourself. Examine your heart. What bothers you about diversity or the thought of all adults having their rights and/or someone speaking up to advocate that? We are not talking about abuse. I’m sorry if you were abused, but you have to realize what we’re talking about has nothing to do with abuse. It’s like getting angry at people for writing about a dance recital because you were once abducted & forced to dance. They are talking about consensual interaction between adults. And so are we.

You don’t have to like the idea of all relationships, you just have to realize that other people should get to decide whether and with whom they’ll share love, sex, residence, and/or marriage. Consent matters. Bodily autonomy matters. For example, Leon and Yuri are two cisgender males who want to get married. You think they’re all wrong for each other. But they should still have the right to get legally married, correct? Or maybe the thought of heterosexual sex disgusts you, but you recognize that Betty and Roger should be free to have sex, right? Mary doesn’t want to have sex tonight, and she tells her wife Anita she’s not in the mood. Anita has to respect that, because it is about consent, right? Something doesn’t have to be what you personally want in your life to be something other people can choose without being criminalized, persecuted, or discriminated against.

Engaging in discussion and debate in a reasonable way can help you better your arguments, if possible. You’ll at least examine your assumptions and biases. Don’t engage in the issues, especially by calling out others, unless you can handle that they will counter your statement.
When you think through it carefully, there really is no good reason consenting adults should be denied the fundamental right to share love and affection how they mutually agree, and there is nothing wrong with people speaking up to advocate for full marriage equality and relationship rights in general, which is what we do here. This is not a blog to advocate for the right to have interracial relationships or gay marriages or polyamory or for transgender people. It is a blog to advocate for the rights of ALL adults, including their rights to live out their gender identities and have relationships with each other whatever the labels they claim or others try to apply. If you find yourself fixating on one set of adults who consent to be together in an attempt to carve them out and deprive those people of their rights, what does that say about you, that you’d be willing to deny full marriage equality, undermining the principles of equality, consent, self-determination, bodily autonomy, and freedom of association? If you’re going to arbitrarily deny others their rights, your rights are not safe. Living unaware in your privileged status quo is always easier than having someone speaking up for the rights of all, making you question your biases and prejudices. But we don’t get progress without causing some discomfort to those who want to pretend that others don’t need their rights.

If you’ve sincerely thought it over and you still don’t get it, agreeing to disagree and go your way is the reasonable thing to do, rather than trying to shut down someone else. There are hateful blogs out there harming people. Spending time trying to silence this blog is time you could better spend countering the harm of those hateful blogs. This blog is helping people. We’ve helped so many people you’ll never hear from. In trying to shut this blog down, you’d be hurting people who are already being marginalized. Where laws still need to be changed those laws are ruining the lives of people who have done nothing to hurt anyone. Don’t try to silence people who are speaking up for the oppressed.

Like it or not, the people who are living lives of gender, sexuality, and relationship diversities are all around you, including people you know and admire. We’re going to win. All adults will get their rights. Do you want to be someone who retreats from society when that happens, or do you want to be able to say you were someone who helped bring about equality? If you won’t switch to being an ally, at least don’t stand in the way of people who need their rights and their allies.

Part of growing as a human being is accepting diversity and that other people are going to do things you wouldn’t or your don’t like or you might not understand are what those other people find best for them. If you won’t join us in supporting the rights of all adults to be together how they mutually agree, please don’t make progress more difficult to achieve by trying to silence those who speak up to make it happen.
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1 comment:

To prevent spam, comments will have to be approved, so your comment may not appear for several hours. Feedback is welcome, including disagreement. I only delete/reject/mark as spam: spam, vulgar or hateful attacks, repeated spouting of bigotry from the same person that does not add to the discussion, and the like. I will not reject comments based on disagreement, but if you don't think consenting adults should be free to love each other, then I do not consent to have you repeatedly spout hate on my blog without adding anything to the discourse.

If you want to write to me privately, then either contact me on Facebook, email me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com, or tell me in your comment that you do NOT want it published. Otherwise, anything you write here is fair game to be used in a subsequent entry. If you want to be anonymous, that is fine.

IT IS OK TO TALK ABOUT SEX IN YOUR COMMENTS, BUT PLEASE CHOOSE YOUR WORDS CAREFULLY AS I WANT THIS BLOG TO BE AS "SAFE FOR WORK" AS POSSIBLE. If your comment includes graphic descriptions of activity involving minors, it's not going to get published.