Monday, March 15, 2010

Why I Started This Blog

Meet Melissa. No, I’m not putting up her picture, because until there is change, she faces too much persecution. But imagine a bright, beautiful, healthy, kind young woman who has matured from a fairly happy childhood. She has received a Sociology degree from a top university and is working on her Masters in addition to having started her career.

A couple of years ago, Melissa met an older woman - older to her, anyway - named Linda and felt an instant connection with her. It turns out the feeling was mutual. They found that they were attracted to each other in many ways, including physically – after all, both Linda and Melissa are what most people would consider attractive.

They would have married if they could, but they can’t. It isn’t because they are both women. Women can marry each other in several places in the United States. It is because Linda is Melissa’s biological mother, and the law will not allow them to marry.

Melissa was raised mainly by her paternal grandparents, who fought for custody of Melissa. At the time, Linda was still a teenager, and from very modest means, while Melissa’s paternal grandparents were very well off and had excellent legal representation, and to be fair, were capable of providing Melissa with an intact, stable home with two parents.

Melissa’s father, tragically, died young.

But this isn’t the whole story. Linda had previously given birth by the same father, her teenaged sweetheart. When Linda’s mother found out she was impregnated at age 15, she sent Linda away from her sweetheart to be with relatives in another state. Linda’s sweetheart was kept in the dark about her pregnancy. He did not know where she was, or that she gave birth to a healthy baby boy, Matthew, who was put up for adoption.

At 18, Linda, as a legal adult, reunited with her sweetheart, and that is when she got pregnant by him a second time.

Things got tumultuous.

After the dust settled, Linda had lost her sweetheart to death and Melissa to her sweetheart’s parents. Linda had a tough time moving forward.

But she did.

She became an accomplished professional and a good citizen, contributing to her community. She attracted lots of romantic interest, and discovered that she was not only attracted to men. But she never quite found someone with whom she wanted to share the rest of her life, until Melissa came back into her life.

Linda and Melissa found that one of the things they have in common is their attraction to both men and women. Since they had already fallen in love with each other despite legal and social discouragements, it wasn’t too surprising that when Matthew made contact with Linda, his birth mother, and met both her and Melissa, that they all fell in love with each other. They want to share their life together.

It is possible that Linda, Melissa, and Matthew are experiencing what has been described as Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA). Whatever labels are applied to it, they describe - and their behavior demonstrates – a deep, warm, caring, affectionate love that goes beyond public approved mother-child or sibling relationships.

Because of bigotry in law, in social circles, and elsewhere, they are not free to be open in their love for each other; they do not reveal the true level and nature of their connection to each other to more than a handful of people, but they hope that not only will the law allow them to openly express their true love, but that they will be able to marry.

Those of us who do know them know that they are in love and deserve marriage equality. They should be able to share a home with all of the legalities of marriage, and all of the social support that anybody else gets when they marry. Can we count on your support?

(Names have been changed to protect these consenting, taxpaying adults from oppression, harassment, prejudice, and bigotry.)
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  1. Hello there,
    just popped in to say hello.....
    Im going through your blog in bite sized
    " p e a c e s ".

    Great Work ! there is a lot of food for thought here, but most importantly Lots and Lots of
    ~ "h e @ r t "~

    I,ll keep visiting

    ~LoVe is iTs OwN R e w a r d ~

  2. Hi, LS. Thanks for your supportive comments. I hope you keep reading and spread the word.

  3. I'm all for support. Its good to know that other people are living there life's happily too! :D It's a scary world out there and someday soon I would like to be able to share my life fully to the world without legal persecution.
    May all your lives be full of love and light.

  4. I think your story is wonderful and tragic at the same time. I'm sorry that your relationship has been limited by the law but I hope you have all still been able to find happiness. Never give up fighting for what you and the rest of the world rightfully deserves! Also, keep in mind that this is all coming from a straight, young woman with no (romantic) interest in family members. Thank you for answering my questions and helping me to become more aware of this problem. Have an awesome day!

    1. I meant to add that the world really is changing before our eyes and I'm proud to be apart of that after I shared all that information about my sexuality. Haha, sorry!

    2. Thank you so much, anonymous. Thanks for reading and thanks for commenting and thanks for being an ally.

  5. What are the odds that one parent/child couple would fall in love this way, much less two in the same circumstances? It's bizarre.

    1. As high at 12.5% I'd say, although I'm not a statistician.

  6. This is a beautiful, sad, poignant story that happens over and over in the world, it just is what it is, we are attracted to those most like us...

  7. I think the title "Marriage Equality" or "Full Marriage Equality" is not broad enough to include all types of "love or the feeling whatever you call it" between such adults, a broader term like "Love Freedom" would be better as it is much more than just for marriage rights for such adults.
    Although it has been so for long and somewhat has become recognized as such, but slowly and subtly it can be changed if you agree, by starting with "Marriage Equality / Love Freedom" and slowly moving to "Love Freedom".
    The age difference is a taboo for society in itself even when no incest/consanguinamory is involved.. I hope that is also included here.
    A difficult issue is where a person wants to have such relation with their future or still minor children. I read a comment on your blog and this thought came out.
    I think there should be no issues when it is between adults. Prevention of everything that could affect negatively a child's development comes first and foremost. Whether to want their children to behave in a desired way or not, while they are not adults? As such parents are an "interested person", they may not tell them that such relationships is bad but they should not also tell them it would feel so "good" or "groom" them in anyway.
    I wish you to ponder over, consider various sources, opinions and write something about such a situation.
    Please write a post about how it has been since you started this blog.


To prevent spam, comments will have to be approved, so your comment may not appear for several hours. Feedback is welcome, including disagreement. I only delete/reject/mark as spam: spam, vulgar or hateful attacks, repeated spouting of bigotry from the same person that does not add to the discussion, and the like. I will not reject comments based on disagreement, but if you don't think consenting adults should be free to love each other, then I do not consent to have you repeatedly spout hate on my blog without adding anything to the discourse.

If you want to write to me privately, then either contact me on Facebook, email me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com, or tell me in your comment that you do NOT want it published. Otherwise, anything you write here is fair game to be used in a subsequent entry. If you want to be anonymous, that is fine.

IT IS OK TO TALK ABOUT SEX IN YOUR COMMENTS, BUT PLEASE CHOOSE YOUR WORDS CAREFULLY AS I WANT THIS BLOG TO BE AS "SAFE FOR WORK" AS POSSIBLE. If your comment includes graphic descriptions of activity involving minors, it's not going to get published.