Why Russia Needs Full Marriage Equality

People in consanguinamorous relationships are everywhere, though consanguinamorists tend to be closeted, even in places like Russia, where their relationships are not criminlized. Fortunately, some are willing to be interviewed for this blog. As a result, Full Marriage Equality has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law.

The man interviewed below should be free to legally marry his spouse and mother of his children, yet they can't. They are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone; why should they be denied their rights? In much of the world, they could be criminally prosecuted for their love

Read the interview below and see for yourself what this man has to say. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic and romantic, but whatever your reaction, should these lovers be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights simply because they love each other this way?

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FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourself.

Ivan: I’m a 24-year-old lawyer working mostly from home. I live in Moscow now with my sister and our four children.




FME: Are you married or have you ever been legally and/or ceremonially married? 

We are not legally married and never have been, but we had a small ceremony. It was just us, our older sister, and some close friends. We made some vows to one another and exchanged rings, then had a bit of a photoshoot and party after. The rings and photos help us seem like a "normal" family to others and we wanted a wedding, but legally couldn’t, so this is why we did that.


FME: How would you describe your genders? How would you describe your sexual orientations and your relationship orientations?

I’m cisgender, male, straight/bi-curious. My sister is cis and female, bisexual. We’re mostly monogamous with a few exceptions.


FME: What was your childhood like? What was family life like? Were alternative lifestyles/sex discussed in your family, and if so, how? Can you describe your sexual awakening?

Well, my parents died young and so during childhood I was very close to my sisters. Our older sister was, functionally, my mother, and raised us. My younger sister was, and still is, my best friend. We never really discussed sex until our sister gave us “the talk” when we were around ten and that was done in a normal way. My sexual awakening was more as part of being affectionate with my younger sister and becoming more attracted to her throughout our teen years.


FME: How did sexual affection become a part of your relationship? 

It was a gradual thing with my younger sister. After we started a romantic relationship, we started to explore sexually and progressed from making out to oral to eventually having sex. I think once the relationship began it was inevitable and we both knew it would happen but not really when. She made the first move in beginning of our relationship and we went at her pace. I think our mutual attraction began from our early teens, possibly a little before.

With our older sister, things happened a lot later, after we were already living together with kids. She was going through some hard times and ended up coming to live with us for a while. During that time, she admitted she was lonely and felt left out from our relationship, so she was included in that. First, she was just with me and then a little bit with my sister during our threesomes together. Sadly, that ended, because she passed away early this year.


FME: I'm sorry to hear she passed. Regarding the consanguinamory, can you describe your feelings during that process?

Well, when my little sister and I were first together, I was young, and at first it seemed strange to me, but I definitely knew I enjoyed everything we did together and I think it is during that time that I started to really fall in love with her and learn to understand my feelings better.

With my older sister, it was unexpected at first that she wanted to be involved with us, but when we started, again, that was when I realized it was all enjoyable for us.


FME: Before this had you ever thought this would be possible or enjoyable; did you have any opinion one way or the other about close relatives or family members being together?

Not really. It wasn’t something I had ever thought about before. At the moment, the only family member I’m attracted to and in love with is my little sister. My sisters were the only ones I was involved with.


FME: How do you describe the lovemaking now?

I find it natural now, having been with my sister for so long, but at the same time it’s very intense.


FME: Describe your relationship now. Is this a marriage, a union, girlfriend and boyfriend, what?

We are pretty much married. I think of her as my sister, wife, and lover.


FME: Is this relationship closed or are either of you open to new partners? 

It is closed unless we come up against exceptional circumstances, as we did with our other sister. She was the only other lover either of us have ever had.


FME: Who in your life knows the full, true nature of your relationship and how did they find out?

Some of our close friends know and were uncomfortable at first, but most grew to accept us. We had chosen to tell them. Our cousins, who we’ve only recently gotten to know, know as we told them. Again, they found it odd at first, but are still OK with us.


FME: Having to hide the full nature of your relationship from some people can be a disadvantage. Can you describe how that has been? Are there any other disadvantages? Conversely, do you think consanguineous relationships have some advantages and some things better than unrelated lovers? Especially with siblings?

It’s not too bad here as it’s legal for us to be together. There have been hard times when we’ve tried to avoid being judged and so have not admitted our relationship. The hard part is trying to act in a way people see as normal for siblings when being more affectionate is normal for us. I’ve never been in a non-related relationship so I don’t know for sure, but I think it’s better as we know one another so well as friends and siblings, so we’re especially close.


FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your relationship, or disapprove of anyone having this kind of relationship?

Really, it’s none of their business what consenting adults want to do. I don’t understand why they think two adults are unable to love one another over being related.


FME: Tell us about your children. How are they?

They are all healthy and developing at a normal rate.


FME: What have you told the children or what will you tell them about your relationship?

We haven’t told them yet. They are too young to understand. But we will tell the truth.


FME: What would you say to something who says siblings shouldn't be allowed to have children?

Again, it’s none of their business what adults want to do together.


FME: If you could get legally married, and that included protections against discrimination, harassment, etc., would you?

We definitely would.


FME: What advice do you have for someone who wants to be with a sibling? What advice do you have for someone who may be experiencing these feelings for a relative or family member, especially a sibling?

Be honest about your feelings, if it’s safe for you to do so. My sister told me despite being afraid and it can start something beautiful. Either way, if you are honest and they love you as family, it shouldn’t harm your family.


FME: What advice do you have for family members and friends who think or know that relatives they know are having these feelings for each other? 

Let them be. It’s just love.


FME: Have you met in-person or do you know anyone else who has experience with consanguinamory or consanguineous sex that you know of? 

My sister had a friend who was involved with a cousin.


FME: Any plans for the future?

Just getting on with our lives, really.

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Clearly, these lovers are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone, practically married in every way except the law, and yet they can't even exercise their basic human right to marry, even though they are living as spouses and raising their children together. They are happy and in love, yet they are denied that fundamental right to marry. In many places in the world, they can't even be open about their love without risking prosecution!

Why should they be denied their rights? There’s no good reason.We need to recognize that all adults should be free to be with any and all consenting adults as they mutually consent, and part of doing that is adopting relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality sooner rather than later. People are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

You can read other interviews I have done here. As you'll see, there are people from all walks of life, around the world, who are in consanguinamorous relationships.

If you want to more about consanguinamory and having children, read this.
If you are in a relationship like this and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.

If you want to be interviewed about your "forbidden" relationship, connect with me by checking under the "Get Connected" tab there at the top of the page or emailing me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.

If you know someone who is in a relationship like this, please read this.

Thank you, Ivan, for doing this interview! We wish you both well in your consanguinamorous relationship.