The Secrets of Siblings

People in consanguinamorous relationships are everywhere, though consanguinamorists tend to be closeted. Fortunately, some are willing to be interviewed for this blog. As a result, Full Marriage Equality has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and are, by law, denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law.

The man interviewed below should be free to legally marry his lovers, yet they can't, and they could be imprisoned and have their lives ruined if they were outed to the wrong people. They are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone; why should they be denied their rights? In much of the world, including their country, they could be criminally prosecuted for their love

Read the interview below and see for yourself what this man has to say. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic and romantic, but whatever your reaction, should these lovers be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights simply because they love each other this way?

WARNING: Mildly explicit sexuality. Also, this interview as been edited slightly for language.

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FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourself.

Anonymous: I am a late-thirties Caucasian male from central Canada, I own a small, but viable, landscaping business and do IT work on the side. My little sister is two years younger and she is a social worker. Big sis is ten years older than me and is a school librarian. We all have athletic builds, though I’m getting a little soft in the middle.


FME: You are biological siblings who have sex with each other? Or you’re stepsiblings? Or adopted?

Yes we are full blood siblings and were raised together our whole life.


FME: This is basically a siblings-with-benefits relationship?

Yes, which is not to say there are not emotions that fuel it. The bond is stronger than just siblings and something like sibling-plus just doesn’t cover it. Take the sibling dynamic and remove all the secrets and add in more trust and love and it’s more like that. I can say anything to them ask anything of them without fear of rejection or shock.


FME: How would you describe your sexual orientation? 

I consider myself hetero-ish while, I know others will just say “He is bisexual.” I have had numerous same-sex encounters, but while I am more than happy to have sex with a guy, I just can’t picture myself dating or falling in love with one. A friend once told me I am a “hetero-romantic pansexual.”

Younger sis is very bisexual. She has been with women since high school and continues to do so to this day.

Big sister had never so much as kissed another woman before joining her younger sister and me, and while it took some time, she is fully enjoying that part of her life now.


FME: You currently live with...?

I live alone, but in the same apartment building as my big sister, about 200 feet down a hallway. Little sister is happily married with a daughter and lives approximately 15-20 minutes away, depending on traffic


FME: What was your childhood like? What was family life like? Were alternative lifestyles/sex discussed in your family, and if so, how? Can you describe your sexual awakening?

I had a great childhood. Little sis and I were best friends and super close as kids. She learned to ride a bicycle before me, which I resent to this day, but other than that, no real arguments ever. I did have a tendency to  take great pleasure in embarrassing her in front of her friends at school, typical big brother stuff.

We had both parents growing up. Both worked, but were home and available for anything we needed. Our big sister played surrogate mom growing up as she is the one who taught us to tie our shoes and learn to read and walked us to school every morning.

No sex talk was ever given and no sex ever discussed in an official way in the house.

My sexual awakening is a funny story because both little sis and I both say our big sis inadvertently kicked both of us into puberty. Big sis didn’t have a bedroom as such. Instead, she had moved out of her shared room with little sis to the basement and had hung up curtains as walls. Her first year back from university, she had picked up a habit of sleeping nude and doing morning activities like stretching and dancing around her room, still nude.

As a ten-year-old, I used to go play downstairs and just watch through the gaps in the curtains as she moved. She was the first real nude woman I’d ever seen. I had no sexual thoughts about it. I just remember [being erect] sitting there, pretending to play until she put on a robe, walked by me with a smile, and a hair ruffle on her way to a shower.

Little sister shared this story with us that big sister did the same for her as well, as when she was eleven, she was taken, at our mothers behest, to be fitted for her first training bra and being topless in front of her big sister and having her help measure her and being touched. She has said had she known that sisters could do stuff or that even girls could do stuff, she’d have been down for anything right there in the change room.


FME: How did sexual affection become a part of your relationship?

When I was 17, little sister was 15, and we were both in the same boat relationship wise: both virgins, both dating older, more experienced people and fearing our first time being bad and that ending our love life forever. We were always super close and would spend an hour or so before bed in each other’s rooms recapping the day, filling each other in on the class or school gossip.

It was little sister who first brought it up, almost joking that we should just practice stuff on each other until we get so good that we blow their minds. I am sure I half-jokingly said, “Oh, yeah, that would work. No one would know and no one would get a bad rep as either a slut or as being a one-pump chump as we would never tell.” I remember the conversation progressing quickly from her first half joke to us setting ground rules of how and when and what we wanted to work on, what we would do if the other wanted to stop, etc., and that night we started with the first thing we could think of: kissing. She was worried about how much tongue to use and I was worried about where to put my hands.

Slowly over the weeks, we progressed from kissing, further and further. Our respective partners outside the house were very appreciative of what we could do.

This continued for months.

She came home one day and was sitting on her bed when I ran home anticipating our time together, and when I got to her, she asked [why we hadn’t had intercourse yet].

The look in her eyes and the evil smile I’d grown to love told me that virginity ended today.

It eventually got to the point that we didn’t care about impressing our dates with our growing skills and would break dates or go home early because little sis was wearing something cute or had her hair up in braids.

As for big sis, this only started five years ago after walking in on little sis and me in my new apartment, the one she helped me get. After moving me in, we sent big sis out for food since she knew the neighborhood and little sis and I decided to break in my new bedroom thinking we had at least twenty minutes, and so we were unprepared for when big sis returned not five minutes later, having forgotten her purse, only to follow the sounds of us to my bedroom.

She honestly says she has no idea how long she stood there watching us as her brain tried to process and catch up to reality before she made eye contact with her baby sister.

Little sister says that once she saw that big sis wasn’t running off or yelling and throwing stuff at us, she put on a bit of a show.

The spell was broken when I finally noticed where her attention was and seeing our big sister standing there in the doorway, shocked look on her face. I tried to cover us up and tried to explain. I didn’t try the “it’s not what it looks like” because there was nothing I could think of that would look like that, that would be believable.

And it is at that point that she ran off. I tried to run after, but was stopped and told “Just leave it be. Nothing more can be done. We are either screwed or not, so let’s finish screwing.”

It took a few days of silence before big sis came to me first and the inquisition started with her wanting to know why and how and was I forcing her or blackmailing her, and then she went to her and the did the same, trying to find fault in our stories, looking for some behavior that was hurting one of us. It was obvious to her pretty soon, though, that we were just having fun. There was nothing worrisome, nothing criminal or even that seedy. We were just a brother and sister who showed the love we have for each other through sex.

It was little sis who noticed that her questions soon turned from “Why would you do that or this?” to what do we do, where do we do it, have we done in at home, did we do it in mom and dad’s bed, etc. The interest became about all the fun stuff we did, until one time, little sis just said “You know you can just join us and find out what it’s like.” This was not talked through with me beforehand.

Big sis stammered and hemmed and hawed. “Oh, no, I couldn’t do that, you wouldn’t want that.” And that became a thing. She’d see us together and eventually ask for the details of the last time we were together, and little sis would say something sexy about going back to my place and showing her just how fun it was. Soon, both of us were flirting with her at every chance and she was into it, but always would blush and hem and haw and this went on for like three months. Our stories were getting riskier and naughtier and she was asking more and more, until finally we were just back from Christmas shopping, and little sis was planning on spending the night as it was later and she was making jokes about what we were going to do and we both put a hand on her knee and said, “Not us…we,” and it was like a sigh went through her body. She had been waiting for us to make the decision for her, to say, “This is happening and you are not going anywhere.”

We started kissing her. We didn’t want to push it too far, so we didn’t undress her, but we undressed each other in front of her and she matched us shirt for shirt, pants for pants, then little sis smiled, pushed us together, knocking us off center and made a beeline to my bedroom yelling, “First one there gets to orgasm first!”

The sex was amazing and loving and naughty and dirty, and seeing her first time [with a woman] was all amazing, but the truly memorable part was after laying in each other’s bliss, exhausted, and she started to cry.

We thought “Oh, f—-, she’s regretting this and we are going to lose our sister.” But she hit us with the fact she had always felt left out, that we were so close growing up and she never felt that connection to us, like she was missing a puzzle piece to the whole picture. And then she laughed that how funny is it that all she needed to do was spread her legs to be included, she could have done that years ago.


FME: Do all three of you always play together, or is it always one-on-one, or does it vary? Have others ever been involved when you’ve been together, and were they aware of the relation? Do any of you have, or have any of you had, other partners and still been with each other? Have those other partners been aware of that?

We all play together when we are together. My sisters have a weekly shopping trip planned where they almost always end up acting out the previously mentioned bra fitting in the change room leading to one-on-one sex. Big sis and I live so close to each other that we spend almost every night in each other’s bed, barring early work or a date of mine staying over.

In university, little sister and I would have threesomes with both male and females, the incest was not something that we shared,  but some of them were repeat guests in our beds and a few did know. One of my ex girlfriends did know and was more than happy to share me with my sister.

I date pretty regularly but have not shared my sisters in that way for a long time.

Little sis is married and her husband has known about her bisexual leanings and has told her that he sees nothing wrong in her enjoying that part of her life separate from their home life and does not ask about it nor know that it includes her big sister. He does not know about me, either, as I predate their arrangement and she feels I was grandfathered in.


FME: Any prior experience with family? Where did you get the idea to do this?

Nope. The idea happened naturally. It wasn’t planned nor expected but, happily, it did end up the way it did.


FME: How does the sex with your sisters compare to sex with others?

Little sis is the single greatest f—- I have ever had. We have been practicing to be each other’s perfect sex partner since we were teens, we know just what to say to get each other going, just what we like when we are nearing climax, how hard or fast we like it, and we are experts in making each other [orgasm].

Big sis is all enthusiasm and joy. She loves to learn what makes each of us tick and twitch, and is happy to let her little sis take the lead and almost control her body during our lovemaking. When the two of them are together apparently it’s more equal, but the three of us create a different dynamic where big sis is happy to be her little siblings’ sex toy, for lack of a better word. She says she took care of us for most of our live, she likes it that we take control of her in sex.

I’d hope I am the same for them, but my sisters far exceed any other lovers.


FME: Does anyone currently in your life know the full, true nature of your relationship and how did they find out?

There is a difference between knowing and knowing and knowing us. Some of the threesome partners from the university days didn’t stay friends or know each other long so it’s not like they are part of our lives.

Little sister’s university roommate was an exchange student kind of thing and they are still Facebook friends but she was only into my sister and allowed me to be with both of them to have access to my sis.

My best friend is a gay male and he has been with me and my little sis and he was fine with it. It’s a passing joke between us now that he’s had two-fifths of my family and is not stopping until he gets all of them.

Growing up at home we had rules of when we could do stuff and where. We had excuses while we were in each other’s rooms if we needed to explain. University was the true promised land that allowed us to do what we wanted, when we wanted, with whom we wanted, with no one that knew us to judge or even know they were part of something so taboo.

Little sis is significantly naughtier than our big sis and quite likes to f—- me at her house when her husband is home and just elsewhere. It’s not a cuckold thing, it’s just a turn-on for her and she loves him very much. But we do take the effort for him not to find out.


FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your having sex with each other, or disapprove of anyone having this kind of relationship? What's your reply to those who would say that this is one of you preying on the others and that you can’t truly consent?

My mom used to say “No harm, no foul. Get over it.” when one of us would do something the other took offense to, but caused no physical harm. Sex is a physical expression of desire and emotion and love. I feel all of those things for my sisters. The perfect sex should be between someone you can trust effortlessly and be yourself with and, again, I have that with my sisters.

I wouldn’t say this is something that everyone should try, but I can honestly say it has brought us closer. It has kept us together when other friends’ siblings see or speak to each other a few times a year. It helped close the age and connection gap with our big sister and she has never felt so loved and part of us as siblings.

There is no abuse. Little sis does like rough sex, but consent is shown every time in our desire for the physical company of each other and how we can still barely keep our hands off of each other.


FME: What advice do you have for someone who thinks they want this kind of thing with their siblings?

Everything is moments and you either catch them or you miss them; signals either sent or received at the right time. This is not the life for most for religious reasons, for their own sexual tastes or what have you, but if you are at that moment and you are picking up the signals that are being sent, remember that no one on this planet loves your family as much as you do. No one wants better for them than you do and no one can trust each other like family, so if that is the path that you are choosing, enjoy it. It may be love, true love, or it may be just a fun drunken one night romp in your old bedroom. Just know that only you can decide if that is right for you.


FME: What advice do you have for family members and friends who think or know that relatives they know are doing this?

Ask to watch. It’s one hell of a show! [laughs] That, and take a look at the dynamic. If you see abuse there, do something, but look if they are happy and solid and then think if maybe this is not the best thing for them.


FME: Have you met in-person or do you know anyone else who has experience with consanguinamory or consanguineous sex that you know of?

There is always that one person you think back on and go, “Oh, you know they were f—-ing,” but never had any proof. Come to think of it, I am fairly certain that to someone we are that family that they may have thought, “Hmm, something is up there.”


FME: Anything else to add?

I know your blog is mainly about couples in different lifestyles and the sad fact that they want to get married but can’t because of arcane laws which hold their love to a different level than others. I honestly don’t know what would happen if the laws changed today and incest was legal. Would that change how we are? Would we be open about it? Yeah, sure, probably, but I can’t honestly say that we would marry each other because that is a concept that has just never been a possibility for us. I love my sisters with deep emotions but is it more, is it soulmates? Is it true love? I don’t think we go there or think of that because we know the end result is a sum zero play anyway, so we just enjoy each other and all the fun things we get to do with and to each other.

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Clearly these siblings are consenting adults.

A "don't ask, don't tell" policy or similar constructs of ethical nonmonogamy may or many not allow for consanguineous sex in the minds of those who've agreed to it, but morality aside, one of the problems with cheating is that being discovered by your partner(s) can be disastrous, and when your relationship is still criminalized where you are, an angry, scorned partner might involve law enforcement. If you want to live out a polyamorous life, this might help.

One thing this interview makes clear is that just because someone appears to be (or actually is) in a happy "regular" relationship, even a longtime marriage, doesn't mean they don't have sex with a close relative. It is happening everywhere. It is happening somewhere not too far from where you are right now.

In general, there's no good reason to criminalize or discriminate against consanguinamorous relationships, and removing unjust laws and stigmas will reduce cheating. We need to recognize that all adults should be free to be with any and all consenting adults as they mutually consent, and part of doing that is adopting relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality sooner rather than later. People are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

You can read other interviews I have done here. As you'll see, there are people from all walks of life who are in consanguinamorous relationships.

If you are in a consanguineous and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.

If you want to be interviewed about your "forbidden" relationship, connect with me by checking under the "Get Connected" tab there at the top of the page or emailing me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.

If you know someone who is in a relationship like this, please read this.

Thank you to Anonymous for doing this interview! We hope that  your consanguinamorous polyamorous relationship doesn't end up hurting any partner or spouses. We wish things were different so that everyone who wants to be together could be so without hiding, but that's not where we are yet and that's not how things were done, but we can still learn from what has happened.