Has a DNA Test Revealed New Relatives To You?

Has something that seems strange been happening to you or a long lost close relative since discovering you shared genes put you together or reunited you?

When You Can See More of the Family Tree

There are multiple services offering DNA testing and/or genealogical mapping. Some include 23andMe, Ancestry.com, Family Tree DNA, GeneTree, Genographic Project, MyHeritage, and Navigenics. The interest people have in genetics, ancestry, and genealogy has prompted them to seek out genetic or genomic information about themselves and their family. "What's in my genes?" some people wonder. Personal genomics or consumer genetics services are popular businesses.

One result of this has been that people are finding out they have close genetic relatives they never knew about, or they are being reunited with close relatives with whom they'd lost contact.

Why Branches of the Tree Were Hidden



There are many reasons why someone could have close genetic relatives they didn't know about, or with whom they had little or no contact for a long time. Some of those reasons include marriages or relationships and breakups; affairs, flings, and one night stands; sperm/egg/embryo donations; adoptions, etc.

Consider:

1) A teen gets pregnant and gives the child up for a closed adoption. That teen goes on to get married and have more children. Maybe the person who got her pregnant the first time didn't even know she was pregnant. He goes on to have more children.

2) A man, married or not, has a one night stand on a business trip and never even knows a pregnancy resulted. Or he does and wants nothing to do with raising a child then. This happens more than once.

3) A woman decides to donate her eggs to help people who want children but need healthy eggs.

4) A married couple with two children divorce. One parent gets primary custody. The other moves and remarried and has more children.

5) A college student donates sperm and ten successful pregnancies result.

There are scores of different scenarios that happen all of the time.

Has a Powerful Attraction Happened?

Whatever the circumstances, if you or someone in your family has done the DNA testing and/or ancestry mapping and one the results has been that someone has come (back) into your life, one or more of you may now be experiencing reunion Genetic Sexual Attraction. If you or anyone else involved in the situation has an overwhelming physical or sexual attraction to one or more of their other close relatives, that's GSA.

It happens in about half of the cases of reunions or introductions, provided the genders and sexual orientation align.

For example, if you're a gay man and you meet your genetic father or half brother or grown son or uncle or nephew or even first cousin, you might experience that overwhelming attraction for him. If he's strictly heterosexual, he's not going to have reciprocal feelings. However, if he's not strictly heterosexual, he might have those feelings, too.

A bisexual woman who has her grown genetic son or daughter come (back) into her life might experience GSA for them, and they might experience it for her, or, if there is more than one of them, for each other, or to both their genetic mother and sibling.

The more close genetic relatives you reunite with or are introduced to, the more likely it is you will experience GSA for at least one of them and the more likely it is one of them will experience GSA for you. This is based on the general population. Some people might me more or less likely to be attracted to their close genetic relatives.

This phenomenon tends to happen when close genetic relatives have have no or minimal contact since once of them about seven years old (or before) through puberty and then are reunited or introduced.

So What Now?

1) Realize that it's a normal, natural reaction to the circumstances. It happens even when people don't know of their genetic relation to each other. It happens even to people who are happy in their existing relationships. It happens even to people who were against the idea of close relatives being together sexually or romantically. There's nothing wrong with you or the other persons for having these feelings. It happens to people of every background, all over the world.

2) Whether you're experiencing mutual GSA or one or more of you is but the other isn't or others aren't, what happens next depends on your circumstances and what is important to you.

• No matter what, don't allow yourself to be abused, no matter this person's genetic relation.
• There is no good reason consenting adults should be denied their rights to mutual affection or relationships.
• If you haven't done so already, you can discern what their feelings and thoughts are, and what they're willing to do.
• You can take things slowly, although don't be surprised if you move very quickly.
• If you don't share the same feelings and want to keep certain boundaries in place, this might help.
• Some people have been brought together by GSA and are happily together.
• Be careful. You need to protect yourself and each other. 
• This might help if you want to live together.

3) If you're not directly involved, but are seeing this happen to someone to whom you're close, even your spouse, you can be supportive to them and you should read this for more.

4) You can reach out to others. Whether you're going to avoid to stop (or have stopped) sexual interaction, or whether you want to continue with that sexual/romantic bond or want to pursue it, or you want to be an ally to people who are, or have, experienced GSA, you're welcome to join others at Kindred Spirits.You're also welcome to write Keith on Wire at fullmarriageequality or via email at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.

For further reading:

Why Do I Feel This Way?

When Someone You Love Wants to Love You More

Cautious Consanguinamory