Monday, March 12, 2012

Kissing Cousins in Canada

The Canadian “Miss Lonelyhearts” column addressed a relationship between first cousins. Crazy About Him, Winnipeg wrote

I'm ashamed and yet excited. I have feelings for a cousin of mine. I mean he's my first cousin -- my father's sister's son. I was not brought up with him -- I'm from Toronto (and) I moved here recently, so meeting him at 26 has been a shock. I find him absolutely perfect in every way and I know he's attracted to me.

That’s not anything to be ashamed about. It would be a shame to let the hang-ups of outsiders interfere.

I looked it up and I know it's legal to marry your first cousin here, but that doesn't mean people won't frown on it. I'd like to know what your readers think about this before I test it out on friends.

Why? Some readers think kissing before your wedding ceremony is wrong. Some think being attracted to people of the same gender is the worst thing ever.

Is it creepy or not?

Since I don’t know either one of these people, I can’t say whether it is creepy. But if it is, it isn’t because they are first cousins. There’s nothing creepy about that.

I care what you have to say but I really want to know how people would react to meeting two cousins who were dating.

I would say the same thing I would say to any adults happily dating: “Good for you and good luck. Oh, and if anyone gives you trouble, I will stand by your side.” Why try to interfere in the happiness of others? If someone wouldn’t date their own cousin, they don’t have to, but why tell others what to do? If Crazy About Him wants him, Crazy About Him should go get him.

The columnist is accepting responses from readers.
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1 comment:

  1. Thank you for this blog. Reading posts has been somewhat therapeutic and I hope it helps others.
    After my parents divorced, I would spend summers with my grandparents. My Grandmother often took me to visit her younger brother's family, who had a son and daughter. (I was trying to use your chart; she would be my second cousin? I'll just refer to her as "S")
    S and I spent a lot of time together on visits growing up. One summer when I was 15, we went to visit. S was 22 at the time. She had a used Opel and we would go speeding around town just having a great time. During the day she often sunbathed and a couple of times asked me to put lotion on her. She was very attractive and I couldn't help but feel a sexual tension. We went to see "Silent Movie" together and in one scene, the guys watch a sensuous Bernadette Peters and the conference table rises up. S asked me if I "got it" and I laughed and said yes. She said "I bet you can do that now, huh?". I felt very self-conscious and said nothing. Two days later we went to Hershey Park for the day. The last ride we went on was the Hershey Kiss Tower. It rotates and takes you up and you can see over the entire park. They turn off the lights at the top so couples can share a kiss. S said "I'm going to kiss you." and giggled. I laughed it off as a joke, but then she put her hand on my thigh close to my crotch and kissed me, with tongue. I didn't know what to do. Half of me felt it was SO wrong, and half of me wanted to feel her up. I wanted her to take my virginity. When the lights came back on, she apologized and neither of us said another word about it. The next afternoon we left to return to my Grandmother's place. My Grandmother passed the following spring and I never saw S again.
    I've never told anyone about what happened, but after reading some articles on this blog, I feel less guilty and abnormal about the situation.


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