Let Dad Have His Fantasies

The recent letter Dan Savage answered about finding incest porn on a family member's computer prompted a couple of letters that he printed.

Everyperv wrote...

The letter from DAD in this week's column made me really sad. I'm a woman who sometimes reads incest porn—which is difficult for me to type—and I'm not disturbed, I was never molested, and while I love my own dad, I definitely don't ever, ever, EVER want to f--- him. Nor do I think about him or anyone else in my family while I'm reading incest stories. (And if I happen to, it ruins the fantasy.)

That's the way it is for some people.

You're absolutely right: it's power relationships and taboo-breaking that's erotic.

For some, it has nothing to do with power nor breaking of taboos, though. There are different reasons, and that's fine.

And it's just fantasy! And I understand how it must look to someone who doesn't have this particular kink but—oh my god—it's terrifying to imagine someone finding incest porn on my computer's search history, mistaking it for a real desire, and then destroying my family over it.

Even if it is a real desire, so what? For some people, that is real, and for some people there are lasting relationships as a result.

No Mommy Issues wrote...

It's possible that the incest porn is only a coincidence. For example, I like to look at porn involving women who appear to be my wife's age. I'm not interested in the particular scenario, just the visuals. If you searched my internet history you might find mother-son porn simply because the women involved look a certain way.

That's a good point. There was this comment...

Just chiming in here with a vote for the Dad on this one...

I'm 45 and have had intense incest fantasies since high school... and these fantasies actually do include my father, but I would never never act on them, even if he offered it (and trust me, he wouldn't.)

Let's assume for a moment that her father DOES find her sexually attractive. Why is that a problem? I've been hit on by some men, and I'm almost exclusively, completely heterosexual. I found it flattering, even though I was turned off by the thought of so much as kissing those men. It isn't a problem if someone finds you sexually attractive. It is a problem if they make passes you after you make it clear you're not interested, or if they do worse. That's not the case here.