We Get Letters

This blog welcomes comments and correspondence, whether through leaving a comment here on the blog, or emailing me, or sending me a private message on Facebook

Here’s a roundup of some of what has been written since my previous We Get Letters update.

A woman on Facebook wrote to me in a private message (and gave me permission to post her comments here)…

I found your blog FME after googling incest advocacy. As you can see from my wall, I was just reading about the upcoming debate on incestuous marriage, and was genuinely wondering what the prevalance for it was.

I'm just bisexual, not poly, incestuous etc. but I do believe in consistency and human freedom. When people always made the "if we allow gay marriage, what's to stop three people getting married, or two brothers?" argument, I have always as long as I can remember replied, "Nothing, what's wrong with that?" When my former (poly, bisexual, trans, kinky) best friend admitted to me that he used to have a thing for his sister, it was the only aspect of his thoroughly non-conforming sexuality he was ashamed of speaking about. It's interesting that now gay marriage is a mainstream thing and there's less of an imperative for people to keep omerta on the issue, more articles like the one I posted are appearing, but the reality is that people are still being prosecuted for it. I just can't believe that it's actually illegal in most countries to prosecute people for having consenting sex with an adult *at all*, never mind the issue of marriage...

I was having this conversation a few weeks ago with a friend, and said that there was no compelling reason to prohibit incestuous relationships, but that sibling-parent relationships had a potential element for abuse and perhaps there was more of an argument for regulating that. Your example of Linda and Melissa now has me rethinking that, so I'd like to thank you for giving me something to think about and THANKYOU for running this campaign at all. Poly people are really well organised now, but it must be so hard for incestuous couples to have to operate so clandestinely. Good on you for stepping up and talking about it!

What an awesome letter! But wait... there's more!

A comment was left by “Elizabeth and Edward” after the many previous comments left after this entry congratulating Penny Lawrence and Garry Ryan.

Finally got to the end, sheesh.
Couldn't stand to even read some of those travesties people call reasoning.

At any rate I'm happy for Penny and her dad, I hope that all the best come to them. We all deserve to love who we want.

Thanks, EE!

Elizabeth commented on our previous We Get Letters update.

That first link you posted, jeepers Batman.
I've never seen so much bigotry concentrated into one place.

Its all fun and games to point fingers at the minority until you become one and you can't do something as simple as kiss someone in public.

This is very real and it affects REAL people negatively....think about that before you yank a person's pursuit of happiness away from them.

Yes!

IchigoRadiance commented after this posting, in which I took a look at prejudice in a discussion thread.

There's also reinforcement in there. Who would proclaim their loving consanguineous relationship if doing so would incriminate not just them but possibly also their partner. And their family would also be embarrassed. Some may end up so alone, abandoned by those around them. This lowers the chances of people finding out about the good relationships. Also this adds the possibility that what is reported as rape may have been consensual.

I'm not saying all of the negative cases were lies, and I have no idea how many if any were. But you have to admit that there is incentive to lie since telling the truth won't free the other, but will incriminate a second person, or in the least draw negative attention. Due to this I can't fully trust the data we do have since the data is being skewed. It's encouraged to lean one way and to ignore the other side.

As I noted, in some cases, when a person is facing a criminal conviction either way, it is a possible that person may falsely confess or plead guilty to a coercive crime so as to spare another consensual participant prosecution, allowing them to be painted as a victim. It is one of the terrible things about laws criminalizing consensual sex. Such laws are an insult to people who are actually attacked by predators.

IchigoRadiance left another comment after a reposting I made about whether or not the Kardashians should come out of the closet as consanguinamorous.

"That's her problem. Some siblings actually like each other. Some love each other in every way. She prefers siblings be at war."

Sounds a lot like what was told to me when I was younger. When I moved in with my mother and sisters, I became close to my younger sister. We were innocent, though my peers teased and bullied me for getting along so well with her. Like I said we were innocent, and I cared for her as I would think a normal sibling would. Apparently my definition of normal was wrong as to my peers, I should have been almost antagonistic to my siblings.

Linda:"My brother wouldn’t do this to me if I needed the freaking Heimlich Maneuver. He’d let me die and tell everyone I ate the chicken too fast."

I wonder. Would he avoid doing this out of apparent hatred, disgust, or fear. If the former, I feel sorry for them. I wonder what could cause me to hate a family member so much that I would refuse to save them. If disgust, I ask what is dirty about saving somebody. It would be telling if she is saying her brother wouldn't perform the hemlich maneuver because he was connecting the act with something sexual. My guess it's that or he's afraid. Afraid that somebody may see him save her and misconstrue what the act. if it's this then she is implying her brother cares more about his image than his sister.

She seems like she is condoning whatever behavior she is implying from her brother. Is she saying siblings should hate each other to the point that they wouldn't help one another? Is she saying her brother is a pervert who associates the heimlich maneuver with a sexual act? Is she saying her brother cares more about his image than her, and if so, why is she putting so much weight into a random misunderstanding. Couldn't they just explain themselves? Is she saying that such an act could be seen as sexual? or is she saying others might see subtext?

Whatever the case, I don't much like what she might be implying If my sister needed help, I wouldn't hesitate to at least try to save her. I'd want to be like Nier, who'd go to the ends of the earth to save Yonah(his daughter in the Gestalt version, sister in the Replicant version). If it were misconstrued, so be it. Public opinion shouldn't change what is right.

Siblings should not be bullied for being affectionate.

Anonymous left a comment on my posting about West Virginia arresting two adults for consensual sex because one had married the other’s mother five years ago.

Whenever I read anything like this, I want to just cry. It's just heartrending.

Yes, criminalzing consensual sex between adults is a sad and scary thing. People get arrested, have to defend themselves, go to jail, get fined, get vilified in the media, and often have to register as sex offenders like some predator.

Anonymous left a comment on the Discredited Arguments page.

Thank you for making this site even tho I have no interest in having consanguineous relationship I am glad to know that I'm not the only person that believes consensual sex is consensual sex regardless of other factors. Hopefully more people like you will help bring an end to pointless destruction of families.

Anonymous left a comment on a posting I made about how someone else’s relationship should not preclude your relationship,

my cousin at his wifes' dad and his moms wedding, said who gives away the bride "My soon to be sister and I do"

Finally, Anonymous write after my answer to “How Common is Incest?”…

My mother and me sleep in same bed,and have sex often. I love being her lover,no matter what society says!

Keep those comments coming. Thanks, as always, for reading.