Dear Prudence on Consanguinamory in Adult Media

The Dear Prudence column/chat session, penned by Emily Yoffe, addressed topics relevant to this blog again.

Someone was snooping through a boyfriend’s iPad…

I recently opened up Google Chrome on my boyfriend's iPad and it was on private browsing. So I hit “back” a few times,

Nosey, aren’t we?

I found “Find a Shemale Lover” which was attached to a fake Gmail account. I tried logging in using the same password for his computer and BINGO. I went to user history in Gmail and found incest porn. I don't know what to say or think. I confronted him and his reply was, "It's not like I want to be with my mom!" "And I am bored with regular porn." So my question(s) are why do people watch incest porn? I have small nieces, should I be worried? Fine, he's bored, what happens when he runs out of porn genres?

“Incest porn” can mean many different things. Him mentioning his mother makes it sound like this was material depicting men with their mothers. The person with the concern did not indicate otherwise, unless her mentioning of her nieces is an implication that this was child porn, which is an entirely different matter.

People watch incest porn for the same reason they watch any other kind of porn. For arousal, for laughs, out of curiosity, for ideas, to vicariously live something they'll never experience, or to relive something they have experienced.

Porn with incestuous themes is very popular, and his viewing of the material is not an indication that the nieces would be in any danger.

But notice the issue of “find a shemale lover” was not questioned. This did not escape Yoffe…

Why aren't you focusing on the fact that your boyfriend is perusing "Find a Shemale Lover" websites? It's true your boyfriend must be very bored with porn if he needs "incest porn" to get aroused.

Enjoying something does not necessarily mean it is needed.

I think the average person would start envisioning their family members and screaming, "No, not incest porn, I beg you!"

Perhaps, depending on which definition of average we are talking about. Some people do not picture themselves or someone they know in the material they view, such as voyeurs who simply like watching other people. And again, consanguinamory is a very popular theme in erotica. Many people who enjoy it may not have any experience or desire to experience it.

But you are glossing over the fact potentially more germane to you that he's possibly using the Internet to find sexual partners. That could have serious consequences for your health.

Yes, an honest and frank discussion about fantasy and reality would be in order. The writer never said anything about their sex life or any other aspect of the relationship. If things are great, and if he’s not doing or going to be doing anything in real life that the writer has a problem with, then there isn’t an issue.

Following up, someone wrote…

Don't you know that there is not even a gap but an ABYSS between our real-life desires and our fantasies? I'm a female in her mid-30s who enjoys a very normal, monogamous, vanilla sex life. But, for as long as I can remember, regular porn's never turned me on. What does it for me is weird stuff that I myself can't even believe turns me on: fat black lesbians, incest stories (not with children!), and even bestiality. None of these things would ever appeal to me in real life (YUCK!) and there's a good chance that's what's going on with her boyfriend too—please change your answer and let her know there's plenty of us out there who just have an active imagination but no desire to bring it into the real world.

I’m so glad that response was included.

Yoffe answered by supporting fantasy but emphasizing her concerns about child porn and the boyfriend having secret encounters with others.

As with so much porn (or media in general), porn with consanguinamorous themes is not the same thing as reality. There are people in consanguinamorous relationships who do not want to be stared at during their most private moments, but would very much appreciate support for their rights. If the data is any indication, if everyone who enjoys media (erotica or not) with consanguinamory as an element were to support the rights of consanguineous lovers, we'd quickly be closer to full marriage equality.