Monday, September 17, 2012

Three Loving Relationships That Face Discrimination

It seems like every week now I want to post some things from Kindred Spirits forum, which is the best place I know of to discuss consanguinamory. Below are things written by three people who each in relationships that would be subject to prosecution, persecution, discrimination… you name it… in so many places. (If you want to join the forum, please be sure to read and follow the rules or you'll be dropped.)

A woman I’ve quoted before, who is in a spousal relationship with her brother, wrote a profoundly touching entry…
Just the other day my elder sister said something that really got me thinking, and I started wondering if what she said could actually be true.

She said to me “You know what sis, you were born to love your brother”. When I asked what she meant by that she told me how she had always felt as if me and [my brother] were just made for each other, even before we started into a relationship. Well obviously this got me thinking on this, and after talking things over with [my brother], I have to agree with her statement.

Now obviously you know a bit about my relationship with my brother, but I have never really opened up fully about it before, so here is our life, then you can decide…. Were we born to love each other?

Well how to start? I guess I have to admit the reason I see things differently to a lot of people these days. [We] were born and brought up in the middle of the Scottish highlands, so our life was not so surrounded by a commercial world. The picture below really is the whole village, so when we started into a relationship together it became increasingly difficult to hide away from being found out.

So how long have I loved my brother? Well the truth be said, I have always been close to [him] for as far as I can remember, but just after joining high school I started seeing and feeling things that I had never noticed before, simple things like how he would always be the first to take my sister out for a while etc. So you are aware, my sister has cerebral palsy, so she wasn’t able to get out easily by herself. I started noticing the real caring nature that my brother had, the love he had for life, no matter how sick he got himself, I just felt so safe and warm in his presence.

She explains that her husband has had ill health all of this life, sometimes very serious illnesses, and they expect him to die of one of them.

Even though I have seen [him] get so ill through the years, it has never stopped me from loving him for the man he is. Yeah I guess we started our relationship early on in life, and we hide it well for 4 years before we got found out by mum and dad. What a shocker that was, there we were hiding away, and we made the terrible mistake of falling asleep. Mum and dad came back and found us both naked, asleep and well how to put this…… intimately bonded. So there really was no way we could hide our relationship any more. Like everyone else it caused a lot of problems, arguments etc and it came so close to breaking not only us as a couple, but as a family too. Eventually mum and dad realised that we had been together as a couple a long time and instead of trying to destroy what we had, they helped build us to the couple we are now.

That is the best approach. Kudos to her parents.

They gave us our own room while [he] went to university, they supported the times when he got ill etc, but we knew we wouldn’t be able to hide away from the village forever, so eventually we moved to Edinburgh and set up home together, and [he] was able to start his career helping others.

She goes on to detail the very admirable work that he does; she is essentially his personal assistant.
Now who couldn’t fall for someone with such a caring and loving heart like that?

So now we have been ‘officially’ a couple for 20 years, by that I mean since we got caught out, even though we have loved each other a lot longer. It hasn’t come without costs though. We had to move to a city even though we both hate them, we have lost a brother because of sibling jealousy, You get the picture.


Have I ever been out with anyone else? NO.

Have I ever wanted to be with anyone other than my brother? NO

My brother…really is the only man I have ever been with and ever want to be with, I simply can’t be without my darling brother. To me though he isn’t my brother now, he is my husband, and always will be. I will be there every time he gets ill, I will stand by his side through all the stresses and strains of his work, and hospital life, and why? Simple….. I love him with all I am and ever will be, what better reason is there than that.

So back to the original question, was I born to love my brother? Oh yes!!! And I know he was born to love me too. Maybe you will not agree with this, but this is what I believe.

In what could be a case of Genetic Sexual Attraction, this woman writes from Ireland that she is in love with her uncle, with whom she has a daughter. She met her uncle after her mother died.

…it moved to sex within months but that freaked both of us out and we fought against this thing for a while before waking up to the fact that it was making us unhappy…We have tried living together and living apart but its like being half of a whole and this year we finally said enough and moved away. we now have a home for ourselves and our daughter and I feel like finally things are normal and good

In another posting, she wrties…
At the end of the day I love [my uncle] and he loves me. we have a child together, live together years, share a bed, if I need anything for [our daughter] or for me he will do his best to see he gets it for us with God's help, if he is ill or anything I am there and he is there for me, we do all the same things lovers do in the system but we can't wed seems mad to me that 2 adults knowing what love is and who they love cannot make this love legal before God and man when any couple who just met half a day ago in Vegas can go get hitched to each other in some love chapel

It suks that marriage can be denied anyone for no good reason by someone else rejecting the life choices and lifestyle and LOVE those two people have together.

She concludes that entry…

Ultimately…we will do what we need to do, and change our lives countless times if it means we are together but also ultimately it would be nice to have it accepted that what we feel and what we do in bed and out of it is our own choice as adults. Love is love and hate should have no part of that experience we should get the chance to be a family in the sight of God

Of their child, she writes in another message…
we have a child aged 3 she is still too young to explain anything much too yet but she sees us together and she knows how loved she is and I hope she knows how much I love [my uncle] and he loves me so the way I see this is ....... either we will do a good enough job of explaining our love for each other by living it day by day or we wont . I am hoping she will " get " it

Finally, this comes from a man…
After a 7 year marriage, I became a single father of a 7 year old boy and a 5 year old girl. I raised them the best I could....I helped with homework, went to ballet and piano recitals, put food on the table and clean clothes on their backs. There was no other family for a support system. The three of us made it through the chicken pox, bicycle wrecks, the talk, driving lessons, high school, and puppy love. I didn't date at all until my youngest went away to college. I didn't click with anyone and went on a lot of first dates and not many second ones.....just didn't have the desire. I was alone for the first time in my life and threw myself into my work. I started a new business and went to see the kids at their colleges regularly. My son graduated and landed a good job. He now lives half way around the world with his new wife.

[My daughter] graduated from college and works as a manager for a big box chain electronics store.

Both children had a very normal childhood and are very well adjusted.

Four years ago, [my daughter] got engaged to be married to a man she had dated for about a year. We planned the wedding of her dreams. About a month before the wedding day, she and I were talking about the final wedding preparations and she told me she didn't want to get married. I, of course, supported her decision.

She wanted to move to the town where I was and she was able to get transfered and keep her job. She moved in with me (had her on part of the house) and she seemed happier than ever. One night, she crawled in bed with me like she did as a child when she was scared. After that night she would sleep in my bed a couple of nights a week. One morning, I woke up to the feeling of her hand on me "there" and I had wood. I jumped out of bed and locked myself in the bathroom......I felt so wrong.

I couldn't look her in the eyes for days. The next time she came to bed with me, I put on sweat pants. The next morning, I woke up very early and left the house without a word. That night, [she] came to my bed again straight from the shower.....she cuddled up next to me like she never had before and again, put her hand "there". I didn't stop her. The next day I felt so guilty. She came to my shop and we talked in the office. She kept telling me that she loved me like she could love no one else and wanted to be more than my daughter. I refused to listen and went back to work. At dinner that night she was insistant on talking about us. I refused her for 4 months....she didn't let up. One night, I came home from work very late. She was in a very sexy nighty and had a bath drawn for me in the big claw foot tub I had just installed in the house a few days before. I gave in. I felt her love was pure and I really love her too....more than a daughter.

We have lived as a couple for 3 years. It hasn't always been easy, she is the backbone of our relationship. Each time I freeked out, she would talk me through it. Now, it feels normal. There is 22 years difference in our ages. We have had a few awkward moments, but we have gotten through them together.

We now are just a normal couple.....we go out to dinner, we get groceries, we just finished remodeling the entire house ourselves, and we work in the yard.....just a normal couple.

These people are all in loving, lasting relationships. A brother and sister, an uncle and niece, a father and a daughter, all of them love each other, make love, have sex, whatever you want to call it. They care for each other and look after each other. They are sharing their lives and should not be denied their rights just because of who they love. They should not have to hide. They should not be denied their right to marry, if that is what they want. They could be your neighbors, your co-workers. Isn't it ridiculous that there are supposedly free and progressive countries where they could be thrown in prison for loving each other, in addition to being denied their right to marry? This is why this blog exists: every adult should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any consenting adults.
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