Dear Margo Advice Column Addresses Twincest

Dear Margo, scion of a famous advice columnist Ann Landers and quite the advice columnist herself (her cousin carries on the Dear Abby column) got a letter that is of interest to readers of this blog, from someone who is concerned that her younger siblings (adults) are likely incestuous.

"Big Sis" wrote in...

I have a younger brother and sister who are twins, and I’m concerned about them. Several years ago, he had cancer and moved in with her while he was in treatment. He recovered and is doing great, but here’s the problem. He never moved out, and the two of them bought a house together, take trips together and go out together. It’s really creepy. I’ve been in their home, and they have separate bedrooms, but I think that’s just a ruse. Neither of them dates anymore, but with all of the available people out there, couldn’t they find someone? I’m worried they will be discovered, and it will hurt them and our whole family. Is there an answer to this?

So she took care of him while he had cancer. How beautiful. Sounds like they really love each other. So they are not dating other people anymore. How likely it is it that BOTH of them have no sex drive and no desire for a sexual/romantic partner? It's possible, but the odds are slim. It is more likely they have found everything they want and need in each other, and there's nothing wrong with that.

It is understandable that the letter writer is concerned, given the lingering prejudices and discrimination against these consensual relationships. She should read this. It is also possible that the letter writer is just a wee bit jealous.

Dear Margo's response...

What, exactly, is the question? You have decided this is an incestuous situation based on circumstantial evidence, as far as I can tell. It may be a love affair of the narcissistic, unhealthy kind, or it may be that they gave up looking for partners and decided they like doing things together.

It is not narcissistic or unhealthy for them to love each other in every way. Twins are distinct people. They would be loving each other, not being narcissists.

Then, too, as the child of a twin, I can tell you there is a different, perhaps stronger bond than singletons. It is not usually sexual when siblings decide to live together.

Dear Margo is admitting that sometimes, it IS sexual.

Because you are concerned, however, you might mention that from the outside it looks like a romance and you are concerned. Whether their response is defensive or they just laugh will give you a clue — though they might be legitimately offended. And really, it is their business. Should your worst fears be the reality, it is no reflection on your family.

She got that right.

Really, the only reason someone else should bring it up to is congratulate them on their happiness and offer support. I mean really... do you think people in love are going to say, "Oh look, someone else not in the relationship doesn't like that we are happy together. Let's split up!"??? If she wags her finger at them they could very well drop her from their lives.

Big Sis, I urge you to simply show love and support to your siblings, whether they are consanguinamorous or not, they are happy together. Let them be!