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Sunday, December 26, 2010

Some People Actually Enjoy Sex

In his blog entry and subsequent comments, C.J. appears to claim that legal adults aren’t really adults until age 30, so they can’t possibly consent to sex with a parent before then. What’s more is that sex is a bad thing most of the time, apparently.

Epstein's daughter no more "consented" to her father's attentions than a child "consents" to his soccer coach's attentions. One of the most difficult aspects of post-molestation therapy is helping the survivor overcome his or her guilt. Children--and make no mistake, teenagers are still children--are relatively easy to coerce.

We hold adults responsible for their actions, whether they are 18, 21, or 35.

Likewise, incest is a crime perpetrated on the individual, that damages the individual.

I wonder if people who use these arguments can only enjoy sex if they are the same age or older than their sex partner? Their arguments seem to be based on an assumption that the adult child is getting no enjoyment or benefit out of the relationship, or that if they think they are, that adult child must have some form of reduced capacity.

Carla asked in the comments…

What is your opinion of sibling incest then? I wasn't necessarily thinking of the legality; I was curious about your personal moral opinion of it. You mention that there's a problem with it - what is that?

C. J. replied…

My personal moral problem with it is that it represents a betrayal of trust.

Again, I get the impression that these people think sex is generally abusive and about betraying other people.

First, the confusion of roles and relationships involved is highly damaging to both parties.

Some siblings disagree with you. They have found that becoming lovers has made their lives better. They don’t have a confusion of roles, they have additional roles.

How, after engaging in an incestuous relationship with a sibling, is this person supposed to move forward and have a normal life?

The same way someone has a normal life after the end of any sexual relationship.

In the cases I've read, post-incest survivors reported having an extremely difficult time forming attachments to other people, and an almost impossible time enjoying sex.

There are people who claim that any sex someone had with someone they are no longer having sex with hinders that person’s ability to form attachments and enjoy sex. It is one of the main reasons given by monogamy proponents who say that nobody should have sex outside of a monogamous marriage. Shall we make all sex outside of marriage illegal? Outlaw remarriage?

But there are people who say that after having a sexual relationship with their sibling, nothing else can compare. So it would have been better that they never had that great experience? That’s a rather lousy way to live life, if you say people shouldn’t do things unless they can be assured that they will always be able to have things that good.

Moreover, I feel like, in a family structure where there are no taboos, how do you teach that abuse is wrong?

Who said there were no taboos? Here’s what we should teach other other: Don’t do things against another person’s will, like hitting them or touching them.

How do you even define abuse?

It really isn’t that hard. An adult having sex with, raping, or fondling a minor is abuse. A much older minor having sex with, raping, or fondling a minor is abuse. Beating someone else is generally abuse. Like that.

It seems to me that the potential for domestic violence is much greater.

Huh? Why, do you beat your lover, or would you beat your family member if you were having sex with them?

Also, once the relationship starts, how does it end?

The same way any other relationship ends. Or it doesn’t end. There are family members who go into business together, and a lot of new businesses fail. A lot of sexual relationships end. Should it be illegal for family members to go into business together?

Then, of course, the question is, what happened in these kids' early lives to cause them to be attracted to each other?

People used to ask that about LGBT people, too. That you don’t understand why someone is attracted to someone else does not mean that anyone else has a problem.

Really, we get it. You’re not attracted to anyone in your family. Or if you are, you don’t want us to know it, and you think it would be a bad idea to act on it. Fine. You don’t have to.
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