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Friday, March 10, 2017

Do These Relationships Work?

A search phrase that once brought someone here on which I want to focus is…
"do incest relationships work"

To answer that, one must describe what means for a relationship to "work."

For some people, a relationship only "works" if it is heterosexual and always monogamous, involves religious and civilly affirmed marriage, produces (or at least raises) children, and lasts until one of the spouses dies.

For me, a relationship "works" if you are, as a whole and excluding artificial negatives like prosecution and discrimination, better off as a result of having been in the relationship. What makes you "better off" is up to you. It could be strictly that you enjoyed this person's company, but it could also be that you had children together, or helped each other grow as people, or made new friends through the other person, or helped each other's careers, or... well, any number of things. A relationship doesn't have to last until death to leave you better off.

A sure sign a relationship isn't working is if one of you is abusing the other, or you're abusing each other.

Over the years, I've been fortunate enough to talk with countless people who've been involved in consanguinamory. A few of them have even been generous enough to be interviewed. For most of the people I've talked with, the relationships have worked. If the consanguinamory is in the past, they have fond memories of the great times that were shared and the emotional growth they had as a result, even the sexual confidence they developed. For many, the relationship continues and provides times of unmatched bliss and intense intimacy, even shared parenting that they have found fulfilling.

So yes, they can and do work.

And, by the way, some of them are heterosexual, always monogamous, produce and raise great people, and last until death, and it is an injustice that they are still discriminated against under the law.
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7 comments:

  1. Yes indeed, this type of relationship can work. The loving relationship my brother and I have is proof of that. What we have is very special and I am so thankful to have him. Our story is on this blog for anyone interested in learning about us.

    -Liz Smith
    blond_one89@tutamail.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. As someone with a lot of experience who posted here last year at the start of my relationship with my half sister I can honestly say that it can work.

    Unfortunately it hasn't worked out for me, sadly we are no longer together and there isn't a day that goes by that it doesn't tear me to shreds inside.

    When I met my half sister, I didn't just find a family member, I found a best friend, a soul mate, a lover, genuinely someone I couldn't be without, I'd never felt attached or dependent on anybody before, that was my nature before meeting her, she changed me, she opened me up inside, and suddenly she was someone I couldn't bare to be away from.

    In my mind, though I've never considered these types of relationships to be morally wrong, I couldn't help but think the whole situation shouldn't have been happening, consensual incest had always been a taboo, I'd never grown up finding my family members attractive or developing feelings for them in a romantic way, those barriers have always been up high and locked tight, and yet, she tore them all down and ran in to my arms on the other side, at that moment I thought that was the most precious feeling in the world, I'd never experienced intimacy like that and I know for a fact I could never experience it again.

    So what happened? How did the walls start to fall?, life, life happened, individual things outside of the relationship happened,living under the strangle hold of the law happened,feeling oppressed happened, fear of persecution and prosecution happened, we couldn't be the couple we wanted to be, we had no freedom.

    It's hard to look at her past and not feel jealous, I've seen her with other men in picture's, she was with another man when we met, with them she had freedom to have these pictures, to express her feelings about them to the world, to have a normal life that expands from one point to the next, she didn't have to hide away, with me, she has no such choice or way forward, we can't post pictures, act how we want to in public, we can't have kids, we can't get married, there's a limit and a punishment round every corner.

    We managed to live together for a few months but even then, it was hard to relax and be care free, my nephew was growing up, so there would always be a risk that he'd accidently come out with something to someone else, so now we have to live apart, time spent where it's just the two of us has reached an all time low, because life gets in the way, it's hard going back from waking up to one another every day, the relationship starts to feel backward and before you know it you argue all the time, feel confused, conflicted, and eventually the relationship falls on it's ass.

    I feel like had the circumstances been different, it would have worked out for us, I feel like in spite of how hard it can be, it still could have worked out, a lot of our problems stemmed from the laws that are in place that have restricted us and told us we can't have this life together without severe punishment for it.

    I love my sister, I can't see myself with anyone else after the relationship we have had, I can't see a life without her being in it in every conceivable way, sadly the law tells me this relationship is wrong and will never work but a relationship that would only now ever be sub par compared to this one is right and I'm free to do as I like.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear friend, We have all suffered from jealousy and the fear of being abandoned by the one we love the most. I lost. The secret seems to be never to show your jealousy, something perhaps easier said than done. I wonder if you are patient and kind and forgiving enough, that if your sister made and attempt to come back to you, could you not persuade her to move to one of the many countries where adult consensual incest is not a crime? Then you would not be 'living under the strangle hold of the law, not be feeling oppressed, not need to fear persecution and prosecution and you could be the couple you wanted to be, you could have freedom. What good is a country or family members that don't respect your love for each other? But on the bright side, some people never have the pleasure or privilege of experiencing such a deep love nor the inevitable pain of losing it. I hope you find it again though. And the good thing is, your sister will always love you, even if she cannot show it physically. Best wishes.

      Delete
  3. First, a statement, the the evidence.

    You dear comment reader know someone who is trying to have a baby with a family member and wants nothing more than that new life to live a life that is filled with love and happiness -- double love; the same love that they shared with their family they want to share with a future child.

    The fact: there are probably only roughly 3 degrees of seperation between most people on average.

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/2016/02/04/facebook-says-there-are-actually-357-degrees-of-separation/

    It was said their were six degrees. But, actually, as more users are added to the facebook network, the trend goes down.

    If you tried, you could meet someone born of intentional incest and see what they say about it.

    Now, what I would like to happen is to find out how many people you would have to contact to find such a person on average. Eg, if I contacted 100 people, would I have an "x" chance of meeting an incestuous family, couple, or someone who was born from nuclear family incest.

    ReplyDelete
  4. All relationships can work. No matter what, they all have that ability. Its not the relationship type that doesnt work. If you want a relationship to work you have to work at it. If you and your partner arent willing to work at your relationship then it wont work.
    I knew this great girl. The most amazing girl to me. I tried to have an open and honest relationship. I tried very hard to make it work but this girl always played games. She wasnt very trusting of anyone and it didnt matter what i would ask her she would never give me a straight answer. She told me that she was in college, so i would ask her where she went to school. Her response was i cant tell you. I would ask her her birthday and get the same response, i cant tell you. Where do you work, i cant tell you.
    She is a great girl. I would love to try and have a relationship with her but although the relationship has the abulity to work, it wont work unless she opens up and lets it work. Its sad but we humans tend to get in the way of our own happiness. We sabotage ourselves. I only wish she knew how much she means to me. But no matter what, my life is better off because i knew her. And i will always carry that love for her with me. So most people would say that the relationship didnt work because we arent together. But i say it did work. It worked because im better off for it.

    E. Thank you for being you. You made and still do make my life better. I am better off because of you. I love You! Thats the truth juice as you call it. 100% truth juice

    ReplyDelete

  5. For me, a relationship "works" if you are, as a whole and excluding artificial negatives like prosecution and discrimination, better off as a result of having been in the relationship. What makes you "better off" is up to you.

    Keith. I just love your work. Its like you can read my mind. You know exactly what im thinking. How do you do that?

    But your right. 100%. It works if you are better off because of it.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Accomplished Artist Comes Out - He's The Child Of An Irish Father-Daughter Consanguinamorous Relationship

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4326372/Tilda-Swinton-s-ex-partner-child-incest-relationship.html

    ReplyDelete

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