Tuesday, December 13, 2011

His First Time With a Married, Poly Woman

I like to bring you real-life examples of everyday people, the kind of people who are your friends, family, neighbors, and coworkers, who are in consensual, yet “forbidden” adult relationships. I do this so that more of you will see that normal people have these relationships, experiences, and feelings, and that they should be free to have them.

JT Eberhard wrote about the first time he knowingly had sex with a married woman. It wasn’t cheating; it was polyamory. A woman, Christina, befriended him. He knew she and her husband were polyamorous. Christina asked JT to have sex (one on one), and JT explains what happened.

And like that we were walking into her house. Within seconds Chris, her husband, came over to give me a hug. He seemed genuinely excited to see me. He didn’t seem awkward at all! I thought that he must not know! And here I had just made out with his wife. My stomach sank. I sat down in the kitchen and Christina and Chris went about making dinner. As nonchalant as a man ordering a cheeseburger he asked me how I was. I’m a fan of honesty almost all the time, so I decided to come out with it.

“I’m good. I admit though, I’m a little uneasy about this. I’ve never…um…y’know…been physical with a married person before.”

And he smiled! He actually smiled! I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Surely this was a facade and the guy was going to punch me at any second for this whole scenario. I think Christina was aware of what was going through my head because she pointed directly at me, looked at Chris, smiled, and said, “I’m going to have sex with this man.”

Again, Chris smiled, almost laughing. “Cool” he said, and went right back to making chicken fried rice. We proceeded to talk over dinner about polyamory, about Chris’s girlfriend, and about physical fitness. It was actually very pleasant. Chris and Christina hugged and kissed – they were a perfectly adorable couple.

JT and Christina do go on to have sex.

Over the course of the day Christina told both Chris and me that she loved us. I later asked her how that was possible and she told me that love is not like a bathtub; somebody doesn’t need to get out to make room for someone else. I had honestly never thought about it that way. There is a standing presumption in our society that if somebody is physical with someone who is not their spouse that they’re automatically ‘cheating’. It’s a silly assumption, but one so prevalent that it had infected me. There are really people who can love freely – and I don’t just mean sex. I mean honest, genuine love. And I think that’s beautiful.

Read it all to get more of JT’s thoughts about the whole thing. His cultural programming was gnawing at him much of the way. Cheating breaks trusts and does something to someone that is unwanted; this was doing something everyone involved wanted, exercising rather than breaking trust.
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