Canada Still Denies Marriage Equality

While Canada has the limited same-sex freedom to marry, not only has a B.C. court recently rejected the polygamous freedom to marry, the country of Canada as a whole is still denying the freedom to marry to some same-sex couples. Corneilius is in such a relationship, and generously agreed to be interviewed for this blog. Even though English isn’t his first language, I think you’ll agree he communicates well their love, affection, and hopes. [Note: I am bumping up this old entry because it is still as relevant as ever.]

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FME: Describe your background.

Corneilius: We were both born sort of on the outskirts of a small Russian ”hick” town and grew up together in a large family. The two of us and our grandfather were the only males. We had a few sisters, an aunt, and our mother in the same house with us. After our grandfather died, we moved to a Canada. Now, we live in a small town again.

We even shared a bed for a good amount of time after [my brother] grew out of his crib. I am older than him by two and a half years and we’re now in our mid-twenties. During our childhood, we were a little more close than most of the brothers we knew. We had almost that "Twin" quality. We were always seen together. Probably because we had a bit of a different view on life than most. For example, our grandfather taught us about forest trolls and it took us ages for our belief in them to die down. But we still spend as much time as we can in forested areas. Probably to remind us of that time in life.




You are full blood brothers?

Yes.


How would you describe the nature of your relationship? Boyfriends? Best friends? Husbands? Soulmates? All of those?

We're many of those things. We have the natural life bond that brothers have. He is my brother. But more than anything, he's definitely my soulmate and my best friend. We do absolutely everything together and never get tired of each other. Perhaps it's the practice of growing up together. But honestly, aside from the constant hate from people who just don't get it... it's perfect.


Are both of you gay?

[My brother] is completely homosexual. I identify as bisexual with a preference for males.


Are you living together with others, living together alone, living apart?

We live together with two small dogs that are a lot like children for us. It's just easier that way.


When did you first notice you had feelings for each other? How did you discover the feelings were mutual?

For me, they were probably there for a very long time. I just never realized what they meant. They were definitely more romantic than sexual at first. I didn't discover it until fairly recently. He was actually the one who initialized the relationship, contrary to what most people believe.


How did you start having sex with each other?

It was definitely something we were both thinking about, although it took a while for the initial "awkwardness" of discussing it to come out. He was the one who brought it up the first time.

We still haven't had the opportunity to try everything we want to. For example, we try to avoid full-on intercourse as often as we can simply because we're terrified of the legal punishment involved if people were to find out.

But we do have our time and whenever it becomes too difficult we simply isolate ourselves together somewhere, for maybe a weekend, as an example.


Can you describe that first time?

Unfortunately, due to the fear we did have, it wasn't as "Magical" as we intended. We were afraid even though we didn't truly think anyone would find out. But everything did feel "natural." There was no feeling of "Oh my god, I shouldn't be doing this." I just knew that I love him to death and that was all I had to focus on.


How do you feel about the lovemaking side of your relationship? Is it a natural extension of your general feelings and love for each other?

We don't find it very important to us, simply for the fact that most of our relationship is based on getting "out and about" and doing as many activities as possible. Perhaps as a distraction from the natural tension. But it is something we like to enjoy as much as any normal couple, because that's simply what we try our hardest to be like. We don't want to feel too different. The excitement of the moment is increased due to the "Forbidden" aspect of it. But we're still working to not HAVE to be so cautious.


Are you monogamous, in a closed relationship with each other?

Very monogamous. Although we respect all people and their choices and their rights, multiple partners never appealed to us. We're very strong believers in "One and Only"


Does anyone know the full, true nature of your relationship and how did they find out? How have they reacted? Does anyone know you as a couple, but not brothers?

Our family didn't seem to really care as much, especially not our mother. She just asked that she not hear too much about it and that around HER we're brothers. We have one sister who is very supportive, but we also have one that despises us for it. The others are neutral.

When it comes to our social life and being around... Some people know us as brothers and some as a couple. Only the ones we feel we can really trust know us as both. When it comes to a professional life, we tend to keep quiet about any relationship between the two of us.


Do you think relatives have some things better or some advantages that unrelated lovers might not, such as more intense feelings and lovemaking? What are some of the advantages and disadvantages?

We do understand that some relationships have disadvantages. But so do non-related couples. I'd rather be with someone who I knew from the start I'd get along with (because I had since he was born) than with someone who just wouldn't get me. We did explain previously the sexual thrill that does come from the "rebellious" and "forbidden" feeling of interaction. But we also simply have this natural connection and bond that is unbreakable. The only down side I can honestly name is the lack of ability to marry and rights of consent. Also including the "taboo" issue.


Do you have feelings for other close biological relative that are anything like the ones you have for each other, whether they are as intense or not?

Not that I can name. I have a very close relationship with all of my relatives. I love them all to death. Plus there's the fact that we were raised to be affectionate. We kiss each other on the lips at family gatherings, we hug, we can even cuddle sometimes. But in that case it never meant anything sexual or romantic like it does with my partner.


What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your love?

We understand your concern, we respect your beliefs. But this is our life. You can't separate us simply because you want to. We will continue to live the way we choose. We are not trying to "disrespect" you or anyone who's had a bad experience with incest related abuse or anything of the sort. But we feel like there is nothing wrong with what we're doing. We're just as normal as any other couple and we know that many who have actually taken time to meet us will agree.


Would you get legally married if you could, and if that included protection from things such as bullying and workplace discrimination based on your relationship?

Of course we would. That'd be a dream. We've experienced physical and mental abuse due to our relationship, even in the workplace. Also the fact that we cannot have the marital benefits that many couples do have, even unrelated gay couples here in Canada. It's very difficult. But so far we'd just like the ability to be together and feel safe doing so.


Any plans for the future?

We'd like to travel as much as we can in the future. We're looking for places where we may be able to just spend a short amount of time where we may have slightly more equal rights. But all in all we'd just like to keep on with the path we're on (and maybe find some forest trolls ;) ))


Do you personally know or have you met in person other couples like you (that you are aware of)?

Not quite yet. Although we have met people who claim to have met other incest couples. Although we do know several same-sex couples and we even know a heterosexual couple hated for a 20 year age difference, despite the fact that since they met they've raised healthy children and behave like a normal couple.


What advice do you have to someone who has romantic or sexual feelings for a close biological relative?

All I can really say is... Don't let anything control you. Not even your own heart. Make sure your feelings are real and true and if they are, don't let them go without a fight. But do not let it lead to any form of abuse or harassment because nothing is worth that. You can't truly love someone and perform that as well.


Is there is anything else you want to add?

Just have to say thank you to to the person who referred us here. Also, thanks for listening.


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How can anyone think these brothers would be better off leaving each other, whether to be alone to be with other people? They could never replace each other with someone else. Shouldn’t they be able to be together, be open about their relationship, and be legally married?


Read about other lovers denied their rights.