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Friday, June 14, 2013

An Eloquent Defense of Polyamory

Poly Momma is a blog about someone’s experience with motherhood and polyamory. At the page “Who is PolyMomma?”, she writes…

I’m married to a wonderful man and we practice responsible non-monogamy. We’ve been together for over three years and we have always been open. He’s been with his secondary partner for two years now. We all practice open, honest communication.

In November, 2009 I had my first baby, a boy. He’s the best, cutest baby in the world and I want to be the best mother I can be for him.

Later…

We’re not swingers, our secondary relationships are often committments, real, meaningful relationships that exist on their own. We don’t restrict each other sexually, but we do have rules we try to respect.

We’re also not looking outside our marriage because we’re unhappy in our marriage. But we are happy in our marriage because we look outside it. We probably wouldn’t have gotten married if we didn’t have an open relationship. It’s something we share and it’s part of our mutual trust and respect for each other.

It was this entry by noblecaboose, a letter to her future employer, that caught my attention. She plans on teaching, but does not plan to be out. She writes the letter as though she has been outed against her will.

I make every effort keep my personal life separate from my work life. My activism and activity online is always under a pseudonym and while I am an activist for my lifestyle and other issues, I do not intend to allow that to enter the classroom. I am here to do a job, and espousing my lifestyle, religion and other beliefs do not enter into that.

The truth is, my love life is not much different from a single person’s. If I were a single person, nobody would be surprised to find me dating someone or if I had a series of relationships. Similarly, if I were divorced, nobody would think it odd that I had a boyfriend but still had contact with my husband and custody of my child. The difference is my relationships are concurrent.

That is a very good point. Teachers should not be discriminated against for being married to one person in a heterosexual marriage and being monogamous, or for sharing an occasional lover with the spouse, or for being unmarried and dating, or for being married to someone of the same sex, or for being in a polyamorous polycule, or for abstaining from sex, dating, and marriage entirely. The question is, can the person teach?

I should emphasise that my relationships are not about sex. Furthermore, I am not a sex addict or a sexual predator and what goes on between consenting adults is none of the school’s business.

She’s right. It isn’t.

Read it all.

If you were a Principal or Superintendent over a school and one of your best teachers was outed a polyamorous with other teachers or with parents and students expressing concern, how would you handle it? If you had a child in that teacher's class, and other parents wanted you to join them in calling for the teacher's removal, what would you say? You may have to live this out in real life. Poly people are everywhere, and it is harder and harder to keep personal lives private.
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