Monday, October 4, 2010

Good Ponderings

One of the poly blogs I like to check is Pondering Polyamory. Recently, Felicty wrote about some of the wrong reasons to be poly.

#1 – You are bored with your current partner, or the relationship has passed its expiration date… but you don’t have the balls to break up with (or divorce) him/her.

This is a good point. There is a reason you picked the partner you did. If you made a mistake, or one or both of you has changed, or the relationship has run its course, or you have learned more about yourself or your partner that makes a future impossible, why drag someone else into that situation? You might need to take some time away from having any partner to get yourself into a place where you can be a better partner or find a partner (or partners) more compatible with you.

Go read about the other two wrong reasons Felicity lists. These are in addition to all of the bad reasons to get into any relationship at all.

In another entry, Felicity has advice for anyone who has one partner but wants to go poly:

Word of advice: Be real about who you are and how you want your life to be. Let Existing Partner decide if that version of “you” fits in with their way of being… And let the cards fall where they may.

Polyamory should never, never, ever become an exercise in emotional manipulation and arm-twisting. I’ve seen that implementation of polyamory up close and personal, and it is a terrible thing that brings joy to absolutely no one.

Good advice.
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