Spirit Day is October 15

Thursday, October 15 is Spirit Day. Among varying activities, people wear purple in support of LGBTQ youth, against bullying.

Nobody should be bullied, harassed, or discriminated against because of their gender, sexuality, or relationship diversities or those of their family members or friends.

Are you observing Spirit Day? Leave a comment telling us about it.

How You Can Help

Coming Out Day

Life can be tough for someone whose identity and orientation doesn’t fit in to a little heterosexual, monogamous, "traditional"-gender-role box or whose relationship doesn’t meet the local sex police’s approved standards. Sometimes, a person or the people in a relationship want to come out of the closet. Sometimes they need to come out. For some of these people, it is a little less difficult if they do so as part of a communal event, such as National Coming Out Day.

National Coming Out Day is Sunday, October 11. Here’s the official website, at least for the US. There is much helpful information there, regardless of where you live.

The more people that come out, the more the others around them will realize they do know and appreciate people who are LGBTQ, or polyamorous, or consanguinamorous, and that such people and relationships deserve equality. So coming out helps progress.

On the other hand, it is understandable that any given person, couple, triad, or quad decides to stay in the closet for now. There’s still so much hate, so much prejudice and persecution, and even unjust laws that hinder the life and love of people who are good citizens and just want to be themselves. I support the decision of anyone who believes they need to be reserved for now for the sake of their safety and family.

The decision to come out is yours. Do you want to come out, and to whom? Your friends? Your family? Your coworkers? Your classmates? Your neighbors? Your crush? The whole world?

Also, if someone comes out to you, the decision to be an ally is yours. If your classmate, coworker, neighbor, friend, parent, child, or sibling comes to you and says they are gay, lesbian, bisexual, polysexual, pansexual, transgender, polyamorous, or in a consanguinamorous relationship, what will you do? Will you choose love and acceptance?

Even if you are heterosexual, monogamous, and nonconsanguinamorous, you may want to come out as an ally for full marriage equality. That alone can take courage, but it helps.

If you are planning to come out, or you do come out, please feel free to share your experience here by commenting. You can do so anonymously.

We Get Letters

Every once in a while we feature some of the correspondence we've received. We will never publish private information in which you are identified unless you give us permission. There are many ways to contact Keith, and of course you can comment on entries of this blog, including anonymously. 

These are from comments that were left on this blog. Only one has a "name" chosen by the person commenting. The rest are simply anonymous. 

This was left after an entry about how "incest" can be consensual and positive.

I was in a sexual relationship with my sister for six years through high school and starting college.

Sounds lovely!

It ended when my mother walked in on us. She was outraged and told us we had to stop or she would cut ties with us. She also forced us to keep it a secret.

That's too bad. The secrecy could have been for your own protection, but threatening you was a terrible thing to do.

We are also now both married (to other people) but meet up for time together when we can. I have never felt passion for a woman like I have for my beautiful sister, and it pains me that society forces us to be apart and to hide our relationship from the world and our family.

It's ridiculous that anyone would have to hide their love.

In a modern world, with birth control, there is no need for these antiquated ideals.

With genetic screening and modern science, we're in a much better situation than the past.

I have never talked about this before - with anyone - and it feels truly incredible to share it. Even if it has to be anonymously.

That's one of the great things about this blog. People can share! You won't get judged. We celebrate the beauty of consanguineous love.

When "Incest" is Consanguinamory - a Consensual, Positive Experience

[This is a popular entry from a few years ago, being bumped up because it is still relevant.]

There are people who would have everyone believe that there are no happy consanguinamorous relationships. That romance or eroticism with a close biological relative can only be a bad experience. Over at PFI [a site that doesn't exist anymore... go to Kindred Spirits for an existing place to talk], one discussion participant asked a question and answered it first…

If you could go back in time to where it all started and have the knowledge you do now about what lay ahead of you in this thing called incest, would you still go through with it ??

i've thought about it many times, and the answer i come up is yes i would, sure there are many tears and hard times you go through, but for me the good has always outweighed the bad, life is what you make of it, and we've made a very good life for ourselves....

The first response…

How Has This Blog Helped You? How Can It?

Whether this is your first visit to this blog or you've visited countless times, I'd like to get a comment below (you can comment anonymously or not) or a message from you about how this blog has been of help to you, if it has.

Also, you can use the same method to ask questions you'd like answered, whether you want a private answer or want the answer posted on the blog. This blog is about helping people to be free to have the relationships to which they mutually agree and to be free to live out their gender identity, sexuality, and orientation. Questions that veer away from such matters probably won't get answered.

Depending on your situation, you might not think you have many places to go with your questions or to share what's happening in your life. That's one reason this blog is here and you may contact me.

When An Older Partner Struggles Emotionally

There's this "ideal" that's perpetrated by what I'd call the relationship police of a man and a woman of the same race, background, and age, or maybe with the man being a couple of years older, marrying, staying monogamous, staying sexually active with each other, raising their two joint children (the only children they ever have) together, then happily growing old together and dying within a few years of each other.

This does happen.

It is not the life story of most people, though. It isn't even necessarily what most people want for themselves.

Some people are gay.
Some people don't want to get married.
Some people don't want children or can't have them.
Some people want more children.
Some people prefer an older lover.
Some people prefer a younger lover.
Some people prefer someone of a different race.
Some people are polyamorous.
Some people have open marriages.
Some people get married more than once.
Some people are asexual.
Some people die well before reaching the average life expectancy.

The variations are almost endless.

Optimistically, the divorce rate for first marriages is as low as 30 percent. Additional marriages have a higher rate of divorce. Some people don't divorce, but their marriage is not a happy, functional one. Those are just the ones who make it to marriage. There are relationships that last for years, and might involve living together, major joint purchases, and children, but they have a breakup rate much higher than first marriages. And then there are the people struggling to even get a relationship going.

I don't write this to be depressing.

I write this to point out that if lovers...

1) are mutually attracted
2) treat each other right
3) don't have major goals in conflict and are otherwise broadly compatible

...they have hit paydirt. Paydirt isn't so easy to find.

Bisexual Visibility Day

Wednesday, September 23 is Bisexual Visibility Day. 

To all bisexuals, especially our friends and readers, we see you.

You are valid.

You should have your rights and freedoms.

You deserve representation.

You should not be pressured to be closeted or to hide.

A Cousin Considering Marriage Writes in to Dear Abby

A recent divorcee who is contemplating a new marriage possibility wrote as SECRET LOVE IN THE SOUTH to Dear Abby...

We bonded when he contacted me to offer support after he heard about my divorce, and it was love at "second" sight. Why "second"? Because we grew up together -- literally next door -- and he's my first cousin.

Despite the societal taboo, it is legal in my state for first cousins to marry, and genetic issues with offspring aren't a concern. We're both sterile and have no ability (or desire) for more children.

There's no reason why this should be a problem for anyone.

My siblings suspect and aren't pleased with the situation. His parents know and are happy for us.

There's no good reason for the siblings to have a problem with this.

How do we break it to the rest of the family? The world? People can be so judgmental, even though in many parts of the world it is perfectly normal to marry your cousin.

The rest of the family probably knows already. Since this wouldn't be a first marriage, perhaps it could be a smaller ceremony? Since there is no legal issue, I'd announce it in the same way you would if it was someone who isn't a close relative. If other people have a problem with it, then they don't have to come to the wedding, right? 

Abby advised slowing down a bit. Thankfully, she didn't express anticonsanguinamorous bigotry.

Of course there are some terrible comments from prejudiced bigots. It's a good thing this letter made the column, though. We need more representation of consanguinamory. Let consenting adults marry!

Questions and Answers About Siblings

 Someone asked a bunch of questions about sibling consanguinamory at this blog's sister Tumblr.

You can ask Keith questions through email and other ways.

How Do We Know?

How do we know how most mothers would react to being approached by their grown child? 

Asked and answered on this blog's sister Tumblr.

Married in Their Hearts

We have another exclusive interview to bring you. As this interview is being published, there are still many people spending more time home with family members. Perhaps some of them will find this interview an inspiration? Or they can see this for some possibilities.

People in consanguinamorous relationships are everywhere, though consanguinamorists tend to be closeted. Fortunately, some are willing to be interviewed for this blog. As a result, Full Marriage Equality has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law.

The couple interviewed below should be free to legally marry, or simply to live together in any place in the world without having to hide, yet they can't. They are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone; why should they be denied their rights? In much of the world, they could be criminally prosecuted for their love. Fortunately, they are not breaking the law in their country.

Read the interview below and see for yourself what they have to say. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic and romantic, but whatever your reaction, should these lovers be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights, or be ostracized simply because they love each other this way?

Genetic Sexual Attraction is real, as we see time and time again. And if it brings people together, no law should interfere. Prejudice against their relationship for being "incest" is irrational and harmful.

*****

FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourselves.

Lavinia: I'm 50 years-old, white, Brazilian born and raised in São Paulo. I graduated in Publicity. I work consulting in a reputable company in the field. I love cooking and I love Leo.

Leo: I’m 33 years old, Brazilian born and raised in São Paulo. I graduated in Business Administration, and currently working in my own company. You can say I'm successful.

I currently live in São Paulo with my wife, who is my birth mother.

Appearance can be a bit tricky because of the great ethnic mix of the country. Although my birth mother is white, I inherited the color of my father, which is olive or tan. I’m 185cm (6'1"), 80kg (176lb), brown hair, honey eyes. Despite the differences, I am quite similar to her and in the past some people came to ask if we were siblings.

I like to go hiking with my wife. Actually, I like anything with her. I like music, sports, video games, comics, books, movies. I love dogs and cats.

A Question About Mothers and Sons

Asked and answered at this blog's sister Tumblr.

Thanks for stopping by. Please feel free to reach out.