When An Older Partner Struggles Emotionally

There's this "ideal" that's perpetrated by what I'd call the relationship police of a man and a woman of the same race, background, and age, or maybe with the man being a couple of years older, marrying, staying monogamous, staying sexually active with each other, raising their two joint children (the only children they ever have) together, then happily growing old together and dying within a few years of each other.

This does happen.

It is not the life story of most people, though. It isn't even necessarily what most people want for themselves.

Some people are gay.
Some people don't want to get married.
Some people don't want children or can't have them.
Some people want more children.
Some people prefer an older lover.
Some people prefer a younger lover.
Some people prefer someone of a different race.
Some people are polyamorous.
Some people have open marriages.
Some people get married more than once.
Some people are asexual.
Some people die well before reaching the average life expectancy.

The variations are almost endless.

Optimistically, the divorce rate for first marriages is as low as 30 percent. Additional marriages have a higher rate of divorce. Some people don't divorce, but their marriage is not a happy, functional one. Those are just the ones who make it to marriage. There are relationships that last for years, and might involve living together, major joint purchases, and children, but they have a breakup rate much higher than first marriages. And then there are the people struggling to even get a relationship going.

I don't write this to be depressing.

I write this to point out that if lovers...

1) are mutually attracted
2) treat each other right
3) don't have major goals in conflict and are otherwise broadly compatible

...they have hit paydirt. Paydirt isn't so easy to find.

Bisexual Visibility Day

Wednesday, September 23 is Bisexual Visibility Day. 

To all bisexuals, especially our friends and readers, we see you.

You are valid.

You should have your rights and freedoms.

You deserve representation.

You should not be pressured to be closeted or to hide.

A Cousin Considering Marriage Writes in to Dear Abby

A recent divorcee who is contemplating a new marriage possibility wrote as SECRET LOVE IN THE SOUTH to Dear Abby...

We bonded when he contacted me to offer support after he heard about my divorce, and it was love at "second" sight. Why "second"? Because we grew up together -- literally next door -- and he's my first cousin.

Despite the societal taboo, it is legal in my state for first cousins to marry, and genetic issues with offspring aren't a concern. We're both sterile and have no ability (or desire) for more children.

There's no reason why this should be a problem for anyone.

My siblings suspect and aren't pleased with the situation. His parents know and are happy for us.

There's no good reason for the siblings to have a problem with this.

How do we break it to the rest of the family? The world? People can be so judgmental, even though in many parts of the world it is perfectly normal to marry your cousin.

The rest of the family probably knows already. Since this wouldn't be a first marriage, perhaps it could be a smaller ceremony? Since there is no legal issue, I'd announce it in the same way you would if it was someone who isn't a close relative. If other people have a problem with it, then they don't have to come to the wedding, right? 

Abby advised slowing down a bit. Thankfully, she didn't express anticonsanguinamorous bigotry.

Of course there are some terrible comments from prejudiced bigots. It's a good thing this letter made the column, though. We need more representation of consanguinamory. Let consenting adults marry!

Questions and Answers About Siblings

 Someone asked a bunch of questions about sibling consanguinamory at this blog's sister Tumblr.

You can ask Keith questions through email and other ways.

How Do We Know?

How do we know how most mothers would react to being approached by their grown child? 

Asked and answered on this blog's sister Tumblr.

Married in Their Hearts

We have another exclusive interview to bring you. As this interview is being published, there are still many people spending more time home with family members. Perhaps some of them will find this interview an inspiration? Or they can see this for some possibilities.

People in consanguinamorous relationships are everywhere, though consanguinamorists tend to be closeted. Fortunately, some are willing to be interviewed for this blog. As a result, Full Marriage Equality has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law.

The couple interviewed below should be free to legally marry, or simply to live together in any place in the world without having to hide, yet they can't. They are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone; why should they be denied their rights? In much of the world, they could be criminally prosecuted for their love. Fortunately, they are not breaking the law in their country.

Read the interview below and see for yourself what they have to say. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic and romantic, but whatever your reaction, should these lovers be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights, or be ostracized simply because they love each other this way?

Genetic Sexual Attraction is real, as we see time and time again. And if it brings people together, no law should interfere. Prejudice against their relationship for being "incest" is irrational and harmful.

*****

FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourselves.

Lavinia: I'm 50 years-old, white, Brazilian born and raised in São Paulo. I graduated in Publicity. I work consulting in a reputable company in the field. I love cooking and I love Leo.

Leo: I’m 33 years old, Brazilian born and raised in São Paulo. I graduated in Business Administration, and currently working in my own company. You can say I'm successful.

I currently live in São Paulo with my wife, who is my birth mother.

Appearance can be a bit tricky because of the great ethnic mix of the country. Although my birth mother is white, I inherited the color of my father, which is olive or tan. I’m 185cm (6'1"), 80kg (176lb), brown hair, honey eyes. Despite the differences, I am quite similar to her and in the past some people came to ask if we were siblings.

I like to go hiking with my wife. Actually, I like anything with her. I like music, sports, video games, comics, books, movies. I love dogs and cats.

A Question About Mothers and Sons

Asked and answered at this blog's sister Tumblr.

Thanks for stopping by. Please feel free to reach out.

Confidential to Chase

"Chase" left a comment that was a bit long and needed to be edited for format and content. So I will address it below. Please know that anyone can contact me privately so ask questions or get things off of their chest.  

Chase found that he liked "incest porn" in his younger years. I will note here that porn in general is fantasy, and often highly unrealistic fantasy at that. It can, however, reveal to someone what they find attractive.

Let's look at what happened.

Massachusetts Is Still Wasting Public Resources Prosecuting Consenting Adults

Here we go again. While a couple of states and many modern countries have decided not to waste public resources prosecuting consenting adults for having sex in private with each other, Massachusetts remains one of those states that stupidly enforces unconstitutional and unjust laws. Of course, this also means outing the people who were having sex with each other to the international new media, including their pictures, and the bigots have taken to places like the Facebook account of one of the people to spew their hatred. 

The earliest coverage of this round appears to come from Cliff Clark at sentinelandenterprise.com...

FITCHBURG — A mother and her son are facing the possibility of spending 20 years in prison after being caught having sex by the man’s wife, according to police and court documents.

That first sentence tells us a lot. 

1) He was cheating on his wife.
2) They weren't careful about where they were cheating.
3) Police were willing to make this a government matter.
4) The prosecutor was willing make this a government matter.
5) The court is willing to make this a government matter. 
6) Any prison time for consensual sex is ridiculous. Twenty years is outrageous. Incest laws need an overhaul.
7) The news media thinks this is newsworthy.

We think it is newsworthy, too, because it is a waste of public resources to make this a criminal case.

Some States are Better Than Others For Consanguinamorists

The United States claims to be the land of the free, where everyone has equal rights, but these ideals still haven't been achieved, even just considering relationships and marriage for consenting adults. Some states are better than others when we consider laws and overall social attitudes.

Laws vary from state to state when it comes to consanguinamory.

While no state will knowingly marry blood (genetic) siblings, whether half or full, nor a parent or grandparent and a grown child or grandchild, Ohio has no criminal laws against adult siblings being together sexually, and things are even better (legally, anyway) in New Jersey and Rhode Island, where there are no laws at all (other than the denial of marriage) against consanguineous lovers, including adults being with their parents. Contrast this with states like Texas, where first cousins are treated like criminals for having sex, even though first cousins can legally marry in about half of the states.

States that had "anti-sodomy" laws, meant to criminalize people in same-sex relationships, and had those laws struck down by the Supreme Court, may not technically criminalize same-sex consanguinamory because their anti-consanguinamory laws may have addressed heterosexuality specifically due to the general criminalization of gays, bisexuals, etc.

Occasional Reminder: We Will Win

We will win.

We will all be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (and any of those without the others) as we mutually consent, regardless of race, gender, or sexual orientation.

We will will because there is no good reason to deny these basic rights, and more and more people see that and support equality.

We will win because we have reason, fairness, justice, and love on our side.

Love Will Win!

Let’s make it happen sooner rather than later. Here’s how.

The Best College Roommate Possible

We have another exclusive interview to bring you. As this interview is being published, there are many people still spending more time home with family members. Perhaps some of them will find this interview an inspiration? Or they can see this for some possibilities.

People in consanguinamorous relationships are everywhere, though consanguinamorists tend to be closeted. Fortunately, some are willing to be interviewed for this blog. As a result, Full Marriage Equality has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law. We've also interviewed people whose consanguineous sexual engagement ended on good terms.

The man interviewed below should've been free to legally marry his partner, or simply to be together as a couple without having to hide, yet they couldn't. They were consenting adults who didn't hurt anyone; why should they have been denied their rights? In much of the world, they could be criminally prosecuted for their love.

Read the interview below and see for yourself what this man has to say. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic and romantic, but whatever your reaction, should lovers like these be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights simply because they love each other this way?

Also please note that someone you love, respect, and admire could be in a similar relationship right now. Should they be attacked and denied rights because of the "incest" label?

**WARNING: Mildly explicit descriptions of sex are included.**


*****


FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourself.

Anonymous: I am an engineering professor, now married. I'm a white male with a Doctorate, a scuba diver, I am one of four siblings. My parents are upper middle class professionals. I live in a university town. I live with my wife and we have no children yet. My experiences relate to the time before I was married.