Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Wholistic Love and Unrequited Love Between Siblings

Meaningful discussion continues at Kindred Spirits forum, which, as far as I can tell, is the best place for people in consanguinamorous relationships (and those positively curious) to discuss their relationships with others.

I noticed a contrast in two different threads there, and that contrast is one of the reasons this blog exists.

One man wrote about his unrequited love...

I'm not actually in an incestuous relationship, but I have a close bond with my sister. When I hit that age I found myself very sexually attracted to her, but over the years I've came to see her in a much different light, and she's exactly the kind of girl I've always wanted to be with. Even though I've had serious relationships with other girls (and am in one right now), I've always secretly wished I could be with her.

The closest we ever came to becoming physically involved was when I was 14 and she was 17. We were home alone and I told her how pretty I thought she was, and somewhere during the conversation we started kissing. I'd never kissed anyone before and it was unbelievably thrilling. We made out for a while and engaged in a bit of second-base-related activity, but our parents came home before things could go any further.

It never happened again, and we never really talked about it. So I'm really not sure how she views the whole thing or if she even remembers. I suppose she probably files it under "silly teenage experimentation," but it was pretty meaningful for me. It was already starting to become more of an emotional than physical attraction for me at that point, and it wasn't long after that I realized I was really in love with her.
Later, he added...
But honestly, I think the book's closed on this one. My sister's happily married to a good guy, and I'm happy with my girlfriend as well…it's mostly just idly wishing things had been different. If I'd known a few years ago about couples like y'all who are able to make it work, I probably would have done things differently, but as it stands I just want my sister to be happy, and that seems best served by not telling her at this point how I feel. I feel wistful on occasion for sure, but for the most part I've come to terms with the way things have turned out. Just the way it goes.

Contrast that with what was in this other thread, started by someone who asked...
Since some of you have been in incestuous relationships for quite some time, I'm wondering if the erotic part of it that you felt in the beginning (I can't believe we're really doing it, blah blah blah) ever goes away or is it still erotic after all these years? Is it -- I can't wait to get home to make love to my brother/sister or is it I can't wait to get home to make love to Sidney or Paul? (I just chose those names at random...hehehe)

If it was me, I think it would still be pretty erotic through the years but then I've never been in one so I have no way of really knowing. Perhaps over time, the erotic part of it goes away and even though he or she is still your relative, you see him or her more as a spouse and the relative part of it has kind of faded away.

I can say that pretty much I have to imagine that any woman I'm sleeping with is my sister, mother, or aunt in order for me to really achieve orgasm. I haven't told any of them that as none of them seemed the type to have been accepting of it. I guess sxx for me is more exciting when it's forbidden.

So is the forbidden part of it still a turn-on or not?
A woman responded about her wholistic love with her brother...
As I have been in a relationship with my brother for over 20 years now, and of course feelings do change over the years. I would say that for us the taboo has gone inside us, and we see ourselves as any normal loving couple.

In the early years of course we felt the taboo more, and I guess it added to the thrill more, but saying that, our sex lives have never changed over the years.

Gary is still the only man I want to go to bed with every night, he is the man I want to see the first thing in the morning, and last thing at night.

I guess the one thing that has changed over the years though is that when we become intimate, it is more making love, not rampant sex (mind you when we do have that it's ace hehehehe).

I know I can't be without my brother Gary, he is the only man I have been with my whole life, and the only man I will ever be with. I don't care when his health goes bad time after time, I would rather be there beside him every time, holding his hand, doing simple things like walking hand in hand or arm in arm whilst shopping etc. The fact nobody knows we are related doesn't mean anything to us, we live as husband and wife, and that's what everyone sees in us.

I can't wait until he comes home from work and jump into his arms, I miss him when he's away working etc, so yeah our love is a very strong one.

Yet adding onto all of that, I still know he is my brother, so it that forbidden part still a turn on for us both.......... yes and no.

If we want to put the brother/sister part into our sexual side for a thrill we do, but if we just want warm intimacy, then we just see the lovely couple we are.
That's a beautiful, lasting, loving relationship, and they should be free to be together and get married without discrimination.Meanwhile, the man above has a girlfriend, but he's secretly in love with another woman, a woman who is now married. But what if that married woman feels the same way about him, and married her husband because she thought she couldn't have what she wanted? What if she had wanted the first writer to pursue her, and since he was unaware that it was a possibility, he didn't? If their partners are expecting monogamy, most people understand monogamy to be as much about the heart as it is about genitals. His heart is with another: his sister. This isn't fair to the woman he is with socially. Perhaps his sister's heart secretly longs for him. That isn't fair to her husband. If the sister and brother had been able to have an honest, open, direct talk about their feelings and the possibilities, either they would have both realized they were not going to be together as partners and his heart could have mended a long time ago and have been given fully to his girlfriend, or they could have taken the necessary steps and would be together and happy today, and other people wouldn't be treated as second best.

The overwhelming majority of people, even if they experiment and explore in their youth with close family members, will go on to partner with others. But there are lasting, happy consanguinamorous relationships, including between siblings, and people should know that is an option, and that option should not lead to discrimination. We can reduce emotional infidelity and physical cheating and make more people happy.
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  1. It's sad that some people feel they cannot be with the one they truly love just because that person is a relative. I understand how that one woman feels - my heart belongs to my brother and it always will. We have our disagreements and arguments like any couple, but the love is strong and I can't imagine being with anyone else. It's not an easy decision to make, and it's not always easy to live this life, but don't let that discourage you - the rewards are worth it.

    Liz Smith

    1. Liz! So nice to hear from you! I have thought about you often. I hope all is well.


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