Saturday, November 19, 2011

Monogamy vs. Polyamory Again?

Cara Santa Maria talks nerdy in answering “Is Monogamy Natural?” She also gets into the “normal” label.

Regardless of labels, a central theme seems to be emerging in contemporary sexuality research: monogamy is not natural. This is not a moral opinion. This statement does not imply that monogamy is or is not somehow healthy or right for human culture or individual happiness. It also does not imply that monogamy is an unattainable goal for those striving to attain it. It simply means that monogamy does not seem to fit well within the natural landscape, especially that of our evolutionary predecessors.

As I am always quick to note, whether or not a relationship is natural should not determine whether or not it is good for someone to be in such a relationship. We allow each other many things that clearly aren’t natural. I think our collective experience proves that monogamy is what is best for some people, and polyamory is best for others. And that’s okay.

Tinamarie Bernard tackled “Which is Superior, Monogamy or Polyamory?”

My opinion is that the answer to that question depends on who is involved. But what does she say?

Arguing, implying or insisting that polyamory is more natural or the next step in sexual-evolution, as I have observed in both private and public discourse, takes us down the same sort of rabbit hole that derails discussions about same-sex marriage. Hierarchical debate ultimately leads nowhere; it’s an exercise in ego, not of Eros, and perpetuates sexual wounding. While love knows no boundaries, as I’ve oft asserted, sometimes we learn best by setting limits on the number of relationships we have, or the number of people with whom we engage intimately...and sometimes we don’t.
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