Thursday, November 17, 2011

Know Your Options, Know Yourself

Over at Adventures of a Little Monster, the blogger may be polyamorous

My biggest problems come from having been groomed for monogamy my whole life. I never ever would have imagined myself in a poly relationship, mostly because I didn’t know they really existed outside of those crazy cult people. I (wrongly) assumed that jealousy would be the correct response when you find out your partner loves someone else as well. I thought human beings were meant to be in one relationship at a time. Obviously, all of this has been proven wrong, at least to me.

I have no problem with anyone touting the benefits of monogamy, and their own positive experiences with monogamy. What I do have a problem with is shouting down polyamorists and preventing them from demonstrating that some people enjoy successful relationships as polyamorists. So many people could have avoided so many problems if they would have seen that there is such a thing as ethical, honest nonmonogamy. Shows like “Sister Wives” are giving a glimpse into one specific form of polyamory, but it would be nice to have some more popular media depicting other forms of polyamory.

My advice to people who aren't sure whether they are poly or not is to think about what they've learned about themselves from experience. Date, but do not promise monogamy to anyone unless you are reasonably certain you want monogamy, you can be monogamous, and you want it with that person. With each relationship or even date, you learn more about the kind of people with whom you can be happy, and the kind of relationship in which you'll function best.
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