Siblings Helping Siblings

Someone I'll call "John" reached out to me via email...

Hi. I'm not really sure what to say so I'll be blunt and honest. I've had a incestuous experience. It was a one time thing with my sister. Neither of us feel we did anything wrong, we both enjoyed it. We didn't have children or continue with a life long affair, just kids having fun. If anything from my experience can help to expand peoples minds in regard to incest then I would like to share (anonymously). Please reply if you want to hear my story.

I responded and John wrote back to explain...

I feel quite weird talking about it (even virtually) but your blog made me think. I won't give you the gory details but I don't think what we did was really wrong and I hope others may realize the innocence of sibling sex. I have several siblings but I've always been closest to my sister [Claire.] She is younger than me by two years. Almost everything about us is normal, our up bringing, family, school, everything. The only difference (if it is a difference) is that we never had 'boundaries'. As we grew up things like nudity never bothered us, we were often naked together. We knew it wasn't 'normal' and we never spoke of it to the rest of our family but between us it wasn't an issue. When we started reaching puberty we explored each others bodies. Mostly looking with a very little touching. When I was about sixteen we were talking about sex which was a common subject at that age. We both decided it would be better to lose our virginity to someone we loved and trusted. We did just that. It was just the one time. Twenty two years later and we don't need counseling or therapy, we're not deviants or any other thing. We were just teenagers having some 'safe' fun. I don't, or didn't ever, have specific sexual desires for Claire but we shared a special time. We talked about it afterwards but not so much in recent time. I don't think there's anything wrong with what we did, she didn't get pregnant, we didn't get married. We shared something special with someone we loved.

I read your blog and hoped that maybe with more stories shared people would become more accepting of sibling sex. Only as a matter of growing and learning, as I said I don't especially want to have sex with Claire. Teenagers want to have sex, why not have  sex with someone close.

Almost everybody is going to have a "first time" for sex, since almost everybody will have sex. For most people, it is going to be during adolescence, and not with someone who's going to be a lifelong marital or romantic partner with them. While many people have a knee-jerk reaction against the idea of sibling sex, and family members (especially parents) might be upset to find out about it, I think most people would agree that someone is better off having their first experiences with someone who truly loves them and is unlikely to disrespect them and make, for example, school life miserable or the local social scene miserable.

Most of my interviews have been with people who've had ongoing relationships as lovers, but there are even more people who have stories like John's; they experimented and explored with one or more close relatives, whether or not it was for their "first time" or not, and it was a pleasant, interesting, or learning experience that was positive or at least not negative, but not something that was a lasting romantic or erotic journey together.

Whether it is something like John and Claire's experience or something like Liz and Ryan's ongoing spousal relationship, including being parents together, or maybe something somewhere between, there is no good reason to criminalize, persecute, or stigmatize people who have these experiences or relationships. They should be welcomed out of the shadows and closets and allowed to be with each other how they want, whether they are older or young.

I've been contacted my many people I haven't interviewed, and there are many more people who haven't reached out to me. Many of the people I've interviewed or been in contact with or have learned about in my research have been well-adjusted, bright, successful, attractive people who are good citizens. They could be your neighbor, your cousin, your coworker, your doctor, your professor, or anyone else you know, but I guarantee you know someone who has been, or still is, involved.

If that someone is YOU, I'd love to hear from you, whether or not you want your story published on this blog. You can write me at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com and I will never share your story on my blog or with anyone else without your permission, and I will respect your privacy. You can also find others and discuss your relationships and experiences.

See Ten Myths About Sibling Consanguinamory and Consanguinamory FAQ