Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Some Basic Rules For Good Relationships

Over at Smart Love, Michael Whitehouse gives three important rules for polyamory and a corresponding application for monogamy.

Smart Love Poly Rule #1: Communicate, Communicate, Communicate
Mono Companion Rule #1: Communicate, Communicate, Communicate

Couldn’t agree more.

One of the most common reasons not to communicate is that someone does not want to cause trouble. They might be worried that saying something would cause a fight or make the other person unhappy. What they forget in doing this is that the issue will come out sooner or later. When it comes out later, it usually comes out at a much more inopportune moment and often with much greater emotion making it more difficult to deal with than it otherwise might be.

Wise words.

Smart Love Poly Rule #2: Never Make One Choose Between Lovers/Never Accept an Ultimatum
Mono Companion Rule #2: Never Make Your Partner Compete

Go read the whole explanation.

Smart Love Poly Rule #3: Don't Let Strife in One Relationship Create Strife in Another
Mono Companion Rule #3: Don't Let the World Outside Your Relationship Create Conflict Inside

It is best to turn to your partner(s) rather than against your partner(s). That applies to just about all of problems and stressors, but it is also important to remember that when your relationship is being attacked for being interracial, or same-sex, or poly, consanguineous, or intergenerational. Let the people who express their prejudice towards you be ashamed by how you work together instead of turning against each other.
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